A very brave lady

My wife of 51 years passed away January 23rd this year it is now 3 months gone i actually feel worse now than when it happened I cry every day . She was a very brave woman who successfully beat cancer in 2018 she was free for a year but then it came back. She had an infection and went into hospital we were all told she would only be in there for three days, it all went wrong, even though the hospital knew she had deteriorated over three hours they never contacted me, I was refused entry to see her in the morning, I went back over in the evening I was told in five minutes I could see her, it all happened while I was waiting outside . My heart is broken it will never be repaired.


@Mrshifter, I’m so sorry for your loss, 51 years is a long time and it’s only been 3 months so early in your grief. You are going to be in a turmoil, emotions are going to be all over the place.
It must of been heart breaking not being there to say good-bye and I am so sorry you had such a bad experience at the hospital.
It’s not going to be an easy journey, there will be many days of tears. There is no quick fix for grief this is your life now. But in time you learn to adjust, you never ever forgot the life you shared together or the love you have for each other.
My husband died just over a year ago, I’m still on this journey, some days are okay, alot of days I’m not .
I’m so glad you found this forum, it has help me loads, and I’m am sure hearing how other people cope and their stories will you help you too. Keep reaching out, you are definitely not alone.
Debbie :heart:

Hi Debbie 57
Thank you for the comforting message, I am so sorry for The loss of your husband , the message you sent me has come from the heart of someone who fully understands how i am feeling. The last two years have been a journey in its self watching my wife go through chemotherapy and the effects it had on her. My life has changed already I’m not the same person, but with the help of people like you and this forum I hope to get to a better place. Thank you so much .

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Sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner I still work, but just had a power cut so everything ground to a halt. But these days I does not take much to distract me.
I can understand your journey with chemotherapy must have been difficult, my husband had refractory anemia, which meant towards the end he was having blood transfusions every other week, and it was this along with several other medical conditions that took him from me.
The constant hospital appointments were wearing but very vital, but still not easy when you see your partner struggling.
Your life will have changed for ever but we never forget the love we shared with our partners.
I find my family great comfort too, they are after all grieving for their dad and grandad. We pull together as a family and it gets us through the bad times. A year down the line we can talk about him and laugh at some of the antics he used to get up to, he was very mischievous. One day you will too.
Love Debbie :heart:

Hi Debbie
I have just been down my daughters, you’re so right about family I also have a son and six grandchildren, they keep me together every day, when they were round our house it was full of laughter and joy, also lovely memories of our holidays, in 2019 we went to Cyprus twice those memories will last me forever. Like you hospital visits were important and we never missed an appointment, Covid denied me being with my wife most of the time, it brought home to me how precious life is after seeing young and old going into the oncology unit . I am so pleased Debbie that you have a strong family around you like myself, looking after my wife every day I was constantly busy, when I open the front door now the loneliness does hit me straight away but I know my family live quite close, and my daughter rings me every day. . I have no plans to move from my house because this is where we shared our life together. Thank you for your message and your understanding…
Brian xx

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Hi Brian,
I can understand you not wanting to move, I don’t either, this is where my memories are.
It’s lovely your family live close, mine do to.
In fact I was baby sitting last night for my daughter, more like keeping them company as they are teenagers. I have five granddaughters and one grandson.
The loneliness is hard to get used to, for me I play alot of music, the house doesn’t seem so quiet.
Take care, love Debbie X

Hi Debbie
I’m glad you’re keeping busy, I can tell you have a lovely family, I’ve actually got the music on now , My wife loved Motown music we used to play it on a Saturday night, we always had a dance, loneliness is a horrible experience I find it tough, My daughter and her husband own a night club so I help out on acMonday. I am going down my daughters this evening for dinner. My son is helping me put a new kitchen in so that does keep me occupied for the time being. Well take care Debbie I would like to thank you for replying to my message.
Brian xx

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