Today I woke up - after a terrible night of waking up and restless sleep for a few hours - and started crying. Since then I am crying on and off although I took Kalms tablets. I just cannot stop and I think the sunshine and the birds singing make it worse. I started to clean the paper scraps from the carpet in the living room because I did a lot of old paper shredding yesterday and wanted to hoover and clean the kitchen floor. Well, good intentions - now just crying. I just cannot see any sense to carry on anymore. Suicide is not the way to go for me but also existing like this is not an option. I just do not know what to do anymore. I hope tomorrow will be a better day and I can go out tomorrow - I have not been out since last Wednesday. Sending lots of love and hugs to everyone.
I also had a hard night and actually had a dream about completely breaking down over my partners death and woke up crying.
It would be so easy to give up but don’t. I took my dog for a walk, showered and went to work at 7.15. I’m thankful I have that. If I didn’t I would just walk.
Maybe try and get out of the house, even if only for 20 minutes. I know it’s hard but try and push yourself. You might find it helpful.
Sorry, probably not helping much.
So sorry to hear that ive had a few bad days .Have you family and friends near by xxx
I am on my own. His father is 98 and fragile and his Mum has dementia. They both lost already a son a few years ago. His family lives in London and they are all working and do shifts. My neighbours and friends have their own lives to get on. I just try my best not to give up. This year my hay fever is very bad which does not help my other health issues. I know I have to pull myself together and carry on but today is really hard. It is like living in an everlasting nightmare and I cannot wake up. Sending lots of love and hugs.
Sending hugs .its so hard isnt it .i constantly cry .dont want to live without my husband .hate living on my own .i just dont want to do anything . Getting up some days is hard .i rarely go out .dont see anyone all day .or in the evening .im just spirraling
Im on my own too its so lonely isnt it i carnt see it getting any better and that frightens me xx
Thank you for your kind words. I am suffering at the moment very badly because of my hay fever and other health issues. It is really bad this year although I started taking my tablets quite early. What kind of dog do you have? My two dogs are already over the rainbow bridge. I actually have nobody left. My friends are in Germany and France and have their own health issues and cannot travel anymore. My other friend who lives nearby is over 70 and also has health issues and her husband and son are both disabled. Maybe I will feel better tomorrow? Sending lots of love and hugs.
Tomorrow it will be exactly four months since he left me behind in this nightmare. I still have his car in front of our house. I want to let it go because it is exposed to every weather condition and it is covered in pollen and dust. It was always his pride and joy. But on the other hand, I do not want to let it go because of all the lovely memories we had together traveling around the country and Europe. You are new to this nightmare called grief. I will try to get counseling and/or join a bereavement group but I have to build up enough motivation to do so. I have my husband’s urn in our bedroom so I can hug him and talk to him (I do that anyway). Do you have any support? Sending lots of love and hugs.
I am also alone with family living overseas and friends far away. I need to go do grocery shopping and want to run for the hills screaming thinking about it as Dave did most of our grocery shopping. What a nightmare to be in. I kept on wishing someone would wake me up and it would all be back to normal. My heart goes out to everyone battling as now sadly I know too how bad it can be.
Have you tried ringing cruse bereavment or samaritans ? Theyre really good you know ! I been crying today too ! For what i have lost ! And i really did lose a gem … its so sad for us all isn’t it ! To lose these lovely men of ours !!! Xxx
Your dr could possibly expedite counselling you know ! Ive just started counselling with sue ryder but ive been waiting 4 months for it xxx
It is very difficult to speak or even see a doctor at the surgery. But I will try to find another way to join maybe a bereavement group. Pity, that Sue Ryder does not have any groups nearby. Sending lots of love and hugs.
@Annaessex have you spoken with your GP recently? They may give you something to help you sleep. Or even for your hay fever if that is making you feel worse.
It really is hard living this nightmare every day but you are doing better than you think. You sound like you did some shredding yesterday and say that tomorrow is another day. These are all positives.
Yeh … what about cruse bereavment ? They have offices as well as phone helplines Theyre very good ! See if theres one of them nearby ? Xxx
It is very difficult to get a doctor’s appointment and to be honest, I do not trust them really. They are not really interested to speak to the patients. One of the doctors saw my husband shortly before he died and the only remark was you look very sickly and lost a lot of weight. It is the diabetes and he gave my husband an appointment for the middle of March for the Diabetes clinic. At that time my beloved husband was already dead due to undiagnosed kidney cancer. I take Kalms and Nytol but still cannot sleep properly. I am waking up at the time when my husband was due to get up to go to work. This year the hay fever season is really intense and it is the worst season I had in years. I am suffering from hay fever since I turned about 7 years old and I had injections, tablets, sprays, and even steroids. The last years were not too bad but this year is just terrible. Sending lots of love and hugs.
Thank you for your advice. I will look up Cruse bereavement. Hopefully, they have groups nearby because I have to use public transport. Sending lots of love and hugs.
Sorry your struggling you arnt on your own my family live abroad i have one good friend but she is busy so i spend most of my time on my own and i do.think.is this it now for the rest of my life its daunting .love hope xxx
No worries … glad to help ! Btw i think everybody has got hay fever this year ! My dr just told me i have it and i have never had before and loads of people i talk to say the same - they’re sneezing etc xx
I got a cockapoo just a week after my partner died, she’s been my saviour. Then this week my daughter got her puppy, a sprocker.
So have them running around. I love walking and doing it with my dog makes it nicer.
I hope tomorrow is better for you too but if it’s not, don’t be too hard on yourself. Small steps.
Yeh i have a cockapoo too ! Got her 3 weeks after my husband’s funeral cos i couldnt stand it anymore by myself ! They’re lovely dogs arent they bless them . She has helped me so much too ! Poor little thing has seen me cry loads of times and just sits there nicely , as if to say its ok i wont bother you … bless her ! God bless them xx