Hi all- I don’t have anyone else to talk to, so I’m a writing on here.
My mum was my world! My dad died when I was 6weeks old and me and my mum were inseparable (she called me her shadow) I looked after her since I was 15. She had a few health problems and then had a brain hemmorhage- full knee replacement- vascular dementia- then cancer -
She was diagnosed January 4th 2022 and passed on the same day my dad did- 11th July 2022.
I struggled with anxiety and panic disorder before but it got worse- and when my mum passed I became house bound- bed bound - ambulances coming out all the time- didn’t leave the house for 7/8months- couldn’t even stand on my door step or in my garden or even be in my own front room- I was bound to my room and bed.
I started antidepressants and have really slowly been getting befltter with certain tasks ( I still can’t take my son to school I feel so guilty) (he attends school but another parent has to take him for me -
Any ways-
7th May is my first bday without my mum here - I’ve never had a birthday without her before
Then my sons bday on the 12th- and again she was there with us for every one - spend basically every day together!
Then her ‘would have been’ 70th on 20th June and then her and my dad’s anniversary - I cannot believe it’s been a year since I’ve seen her or spoken to her -
The reason I’m reaching out with this very long post (sorry by the way) is because I’m really struggling- my mood has dropped massively-I feel like I’m a going backwards- I’m so depressed-dizzy-snappy-highly anxious-not sleeping-
I keep crying because she was the one who always had my back and made me feel better - she was my best friend! My mum and dad! she needed me as much as I needed her - and I know I have my son which I adore!! But I feel no purpose any more - I feel lost- I feel so alone -
I don’t have family or friends to reach out to - and if by some miracle, someone reads my whole post- then I apologise and thank you in advance I don’t want to feel alone and I want to know that what I’m feeling is normal.
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your parents. It sounds as though things are very difficult for you as you approach important dates and a year without your mum and you are feeling lost, alone and you want to know whether the way you are feeling is normal.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
Hello… people always says the 1sts are hard, but i cant imagine the 2nds or 3rds are any better. Be sure your not alone in your feelings and grief. Its what brings us all here. To share a bit, read a bit, cry a bit, feel a bit…sending hugs…and keep going, our loved one would want us to. X
Hi
Sorry to read your story and I understand how difficult things are for you. Your grief journey is going to have lots of ups and downs. It sounds like you have been making progress, so don’t let a bad phase stop that. Keep sharing your thoughts and taking each day at a time…xx
I had the worst day yesterday- the dizziness grew till I couldn’t control it- the panic attack flooded over me and I’m so scared I’m back to square one -
I didn’t sleep again last night - and I have a banging headache -
I don’t know what to do
Im scared
I feel so guilty) (he attends school but another parent has to take him for me -
(sorry by the way) is because I’m really struggling- my mood has dropped massively-I feel like I’m a going backwards- I’m so depressed-dizzy-snappy-highly anxious-not sleeping-
I don’t want to feel alone and I want to know that what I’m feeling is normal.