A Widower with 5 kids at 36

Hi, I have found myself in a position I knew would come for the last 3 years, My soul mate, Louise cann lost her life after a courageous battle with breast cancer, initially diagnosed new years eve 2014 with stage 3 breast cancer 2 years of treatment and masectomy and was given the all clear, we had our life back but was markedly changed, 2 years later in 2019 Louise had a PE on her lung and subsequent results showed it was back and was now non curative, at initial diagnoses my children were 2,6,8,10,11 over the years I Have had to have chats with them that no one wants to have, we are so grateful Louise fought so hard and our children are now 9,13,15,17,19 so we had so many extra years, It is now 10 days since passing and I have forced my self to be happy around kids and the results are good after 5 days of all of us being in a state II can see if they see me doing good things they are doing good things, Today in a couple of hrs I and the children are going to one of mums fav spots for a picnic, I am writing today because when I was a kid I was sent o boarding school and I sort of grieved for my mother when I was there as she didnt talk to me very much at all, The pain I am feeling now is similar to this but much much worse and seems all consuming I think I have PTSD from my child hood, I keep waking up crying, and although I tell myself I am being open with my emotions on the inside I think I am bottling up how I really feel as I have the kids, I knew this day would come in 2019 we were told it could be months or years no one knew I went through a period of internal reflection over the next year and I became at peace and prepared for the future, BUT Louise fought so well that it all became our new normal and seemed we would just be forever and now I am finding it hard, I try to be logical in my thoughts also everything im doing im finding myself asking myself or my eldest daughter is this what mum would of done, Thanks Gene

I understand what your saying I think. When we want to be heard by our caregivers and if they aren’t there or dont listen. We tend to internalise things and keep it in. Instead of letting people know.

I’m the same I didn’t have close relationship with my father and when things went wrong didn’t get any reassurance. No hugs etc. It sounds like your doing a similar thing.

However it also seems your protecting yourself and your children. Which is understandable. Children can usually tell when something is wrong. Although the younger ones just pickup on emotions as their brains can’t reason what’s right and wrong.

It might be worth taking your eldests aside and having a chat with them and tellling them how your feeling. It will be uncomfortable but may give you some much need relief.

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Wow you are amazing, your wife will be looking down on you feeling proud. Take one day at a time and look after yourself.

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Yesterday was a bad day, my son was in my late wifes car driven by there grandmother and they had a crash took me 1hr to reach the scene, ALL ok thankgod but the car is written off, This was then followed by a psychotic exchange with someone clearly unhinged whilst my children were present which was not very nice, I was not in a good place so I took the kids to the beach for a mcdonalds and a play at one of mums spots, Much like every other day I have woken up having had little sleep and instantly feeling bad, but hey I and my son are going to church not because I want to but because when we are back I will be glad we went, Sometimes we have to choose to put one foot in front of the other and resist the temptation to turn inward and stay static, If you have had a tough day today, I know you can get through it all the best Genius

I know it sounds mad but I can hear her telling me well done thats my man and that brings me comfort

Yes she will be your doing blumming amazing

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I am glad I wrote on this site but I do feel quite lucky now because I have my kids around me, I have browsed this site alot this evening and the over riding theme is loneliness and being alone, It must be a terrible thing to not have something to distract you from the loss that is suffered if you are elderly and now alone after in some cases 50 or 60 years together, I wish I could go and give these people a big hug and take them out for the day, If only dreams could come true. Gene.