A Year and a Half Later

Its like that @Liro it takes a while for our brain to take it in !!! Dont be too hard on yourself and i was told lots of self care !!! Also if you can try and get some bereavment counselling ! I had mine via sue ryder and it was great ya know ! Really helped ! You know u can get it online don’t you ? Xx

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Thankyou @LynT , @Mike75 and @Deb5
For your kind words of encouragement.
I guess it is still early days. I think I just want the pain to go away.

I am waiting for counselling with the Hospice where Roger spent his last 5 days. And I have been going to a drop in centre run by the same hospice for the bereaved.
The people are really nice and understanding.
Its like being on here with faces

Thankyou all for caring x x

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To anyone going through the raw, intensity, heartbreak and pain of a recent loss, just hang in there, baby steps, grief lessens it’s grip when you take the necessary time to understand and accept what has happened to you but always remember love is not about pain and heartbreak, love is compassion, kindness, softness, freedom and love of yourself. We cannot change what has happened but we can choose how we respond. Love will always carry you forwards and your light will once again shine and your lost loved ones will always walk by your side giving you the strength you need to carry on. Love is eternal, it lives in your heart and everything you do, you are still here for a reason and it is to carry that love forwards and shine your light brightly. This is how our loved one’s live on in the very uniqueness that is us. Of course you will falter, life is a wheel, you go up and down and round and round but you continue, you evolve, loss gives us great wisdom, it teaches us the meaning of happiness, it’s the sands of time, forever in motion. Grief is nothing to fear or want to get rid of, it teaches us the very meaning of life

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@LynT

Such beautiful words :revolving_hearts:

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Thats good xxxx

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There’s great advice here. Grief is the hardest thing to go through and I’m sorry that this has happened to all of us but it has and now the journey starts on learning to live with it.

You will have many questions, anger, guilt, you name it, you’ll go through it. Take each hour and day as it comes, don’t think too far ahead. Life will not stop and you will go through much heartache and slowly have better days where you won’t cry so much, the pain subsides but this is an on going process and takes time and effort and a want, to get through it.

The days keep coming and you will adjust to this new life, you will get stronger and cope with all the pain etc. You will then learn to have fun again, laugh without guilt, be happy. It will come x

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Thankyou
Your words really give me hope x

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I’m hoping these word are true for me and my family. I live in hope.
My kids ( and me ) are really struggling just now 3 months in, and I’m at a loss as to how to help them anymore.
Hoping for some easier days soon.
For us and all in here xx

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@Ali29 What a wonderful post. We both lost our husband’s around the same time. I still miss him all the time but I have gone out and joined a few clubs. I have even made a couple of good friends and we go out for day trips and with one of them, hoping to go on holiday in September. It is still a struggle at times to adjust to my new life, but I know in my heart that he would have been proud of me and that I am making a life for myself. This week was hard, as it would have been our 53rd wedding anniversary on the 25th. My friend took me out for the day, and we had a lovely meal in one of the local pubs before taking a cruise around Poole Harbour. I can’t thank her enough. She has been a rock for me. Take care everyone :heart: :two_hearts:

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Just be there. You can’t take their pain away, they are all on their own journey but you can keep checking in. I have four children and they have all dealt with it the way they can. They’ll be thinking the same thing about you.

There is no easy fix for any of you. 3 months is no time at all. They are also grieving a different relationship to you.

I met a lady out walking once and she had lost her partner 5 years previously. She was happy, was actually married to someone else more but when i said i was 15 months in, she said “oh, such early days”
I thought, what!!! I’m still early days, shit!!
It’s depressing sometimes to think how long grief will last but you begin to realise it never goes away, we all have to live with this for life but it’s so much easier to live with now.

I know I’ll still have days to come when i feel really bad but i also know, those days pass and brighter days follow. The days of really bad come less often now but i still have them. I embrace them and accept the day is a right off and i no longer fight it as i know they pass.

Look after yourself and them, there is help out there for all of you if it’s all gets too much. Accept help and seek help if you feels it’s needed. x

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Thank you all for your insight and encouraging words. For those of us at the beginning of our journey it’s so helpful to receive support from those further along. Thank you for taking the time to help

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Thanks @Ali29
My heart breaks for them so much. We talk about their dad all the time and we try our best to support one another. My youngest is just 16 and she is struggling so much and her friends have no idea of the pain she is in. Why would they - they are just teenagers.
The other 3 do have partners which is good but they are all so young to have to deal with this. And I struggle to find time to deal with my grief whilst trying to manage theirs and be there for them.
I try tell them it will be a long road and will take time but dont think that helps either

I’m glad you can offer some hope in this darkness and thank you for reaching out to us all here.
Xxx

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@roni52 I’m 18 months into this journey and I have a son who is 24, he was 22 when he lost his dad my soulmate suddenly and unexpectedly. I find that our grief is totally opposite. I let out my grief by crying and screaming and my son holds his in. He told my cousin yesterday that the way he can deal with his grief is by putting it in to a little box. He will talk to his friends when need to and has asked them to not mention his dad and to treat him as before. I obviously worry about him and did manage to get him to the doctors for some support which he knows is there. I guess every one greives different. My son and my husband wasn’t just father and son, they were best friends. I do keep talking about my husband and sometimes we laugh at the memories.
Take care and a big hug xx

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I think your son feels he needs his friends to stay normal because he realises that they simply cannot understand or cope with how he is feeling. They have nothing to offer him except companionship, that’s why they are his mates.
I, too, kept it all in after my Dad died (I was 18). Ten months after, I found myself in a new relationship with a great boyfriend. He allowed me to talk about my Dad occasionally, without him saying anything, he was just there for me. On two occasions I completely broke down, crying uncontrollably, he simply held me. His parents were also great, my Dad was never mentioned but they obviously knew, instead they brought me into their family and showed me love.
I hope your son finds somebody like that. I realise that you think you can help him, but sometimes family can be too close. I hope this makes sense.

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Everyone does grieve differently and I can see it in my 4 kids. Some are more open and can cry, sob and be angry whilst the older 2 are still in a little bit of denial I think - they have had to go back to work and uni placement so have had to adapt to “normal” life sooner.

I just wish we didn’t all have to be going through this.
Sending hugs back xx

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Yes it does make sense and thank you for your lovely words. Just so sad that we are on this journey. Lots of love Xx

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Hopefully your children can support each other…my son was our only child which he finds tough not having any siblings. Yes so very sad that we are on this journey. So unfair.
I do hope that you are having support yourself from family and friends… take care and big hugs xx

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Almost 2 and a half years since my husband passed. He was 59 and only had five weeks from diagnosis to passing. I was 53.

In the beginning the pain was unbearable. Your life, hopes and dreams gone.

Very early into this “new life” I decided I wasn’t going to sink. But my god I did flounder for a long time.

Move on to now. Although I will never stop loving my John, my life has moved on.
I’ve met a new partner and found love again. A different love if that makes any sense. We’ve both retired and spend our time between here and my home in Spain.

I’ve got new hopes and dreams. Next year we plan to sell our homes and buy one together.

So what I suppose I’m trying to say is you can have a life again and be happy again.

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Aw … well done !!! Thats what i want to do too … because they would want us to be happy wouldnt they ? Just bloody tricky though - not quite as easy as you may think :thinking: xx

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I know John would want me to be happy. Although my new partner didn’t know him. It turns out he has friends who did know John. Small world. But I’m 100% positive. He would approve of my choices and what I’m doing with my life. :heart:

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