A year on.....

My Dad died suddenly a year ago. 2 months later my husband lost his job and our financial security vanished. He is working again now, but for half the salary he earned before and its a struggle. I have taken on more work but its a strain as i also juggle childcare for our children. My mum is struggling and barely eats which is resulting in associated health issues and has become very dependant on my sister and I. Its just been such a horrible year. Looking back on my life a year ago seems like a different family to what i have now.

I tnought i was depressed but after some reading up on it i think its still grief. But surely i should be coming out of it now?

I want advice on how to get through this. I have completely lost any enthusiasm for anything. I need to get back to myself . If that makes sence.

I’m so sorry to hear about your dad’s death and what an awful year your family has had. It sounds as though you are under a lot of pressure with work, childcare and looking after your mum. Do you feel as though you have had a chance to grieve properly, or perhaps all this stress has got in the way of that to some extent?

Everyone is different, and there is not set timeline on grief, so please don’t feel that you ‘should’ be feeling better at any set time. It is certainly not unusual to still be grieving a year after the loss of a parent. One thing that can make grief last longer is bottling things up and not having any outlets for your emotions. Do you feel that you can talk openly about how you feel to people close to you, such as your sister your husband or close friends?

I’m glad that you’ve found this Online Community, as writing things down here can be another good way to get things off your chest. You are among people who understand here.

While you wait for more replies to your post, you might find it helpful to read our information page How Long Does Grief Last?, which talks about grieving longer term and how you might feel as time goes on.

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Dear Wreno09, I’m so sorry for your loss and the shitty year you’ve been having. Only the super strong ones will get through that. I’m sure you’re one of them.

Your mum though, she is still alive? I think you should try to transform your grieving over one parent into the rememberance of the best moments with the surviving parent. Tell her, how much you enjoyed your childhood, reminisce good old times together, day dream with her, even if it’s just you talking, about the stories she told you in childhood. Dedicate your last days, months, years with her to celebrate her life and her memories with you and your dad. Do the most you can for her, whilst she is still here. Money will come…trust us, mama is here for some time. Bless you. Julzz

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