I said goodbye to my Mum a year today. My heart is broken … I still cant stop the tears or the pain, it takes my breath away …
Hello @Elle2123,
I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum.
Whether it has been one, five or ten years since the person you’re grieving for died, coping with a death anniversary can bring about new feelings each year. You might find our support page on coping with anniversaries helpful to read.
If you need any extra support yourself, we’re here to help. As well as the community, we also have bereavement support information, Grief Guide and our Grief Kind spaces. You can find out more about our bereavement services at sueryder.org/support 
Take care and keep reaching out,
Alex
Hi @Elle2123
I’m sorry it was such a hard day… it’s tough isn’t it no matter how much you think you’ve prepared.
My mum’s birthday, Christmas and then her year anniversary of leaving us next March are all on my mind, even now. I honestly don’t know how I will get through. I think I’m a planner and try to be proactive like I planned to be away doing something really different at the start of the holidays as we always used to be with mum and we did so and it was nice but then I thought ‘but she’s still gone,’ and felt that deep sadness again. I think I’m trying to say sometimes whatever you do there’s just such a sadness there. A friend said to me the other day maybe you needed that crying day so maybe all the tears yesterday just needed to come out. But I’m really sorry it was such a hard day. How do you feel today? Xx
Hi Dolly,
I definitely feel like that. When I’ve had days of sadness but no tears, I tell myself it’s coming, I know it’s coming. And it does. My friend told me, it’ll always get you … which is quite laughable really!
Yesterday we went to the hospice where Mum was in her last few weeks and where she passed - I felt the need to be there. We signed the Rememberence book and lit a candle. The gardens are beautiful there.
Then I went to the Crematorium and sat with my Mum and Nan for a few hours! Both their ashes are scattered there. Again, its such a beautiful, peaceful place to just sit and reflect.
I remember at Christmas thinking, if its hard now … how am I going to cope with Mothers Day, my Mums birthday, mine? But you get through it, you just do. Whether you sit and cry, or celebrate - as sad as it is, it’s just another day to get through …
So, although I’m exhausted from my tears yesterday! I do feel better today, thank you for your message. xx
Hi Elle,
I’m really glad you feel a bit better today and agree that it sometimes has to be released and the tears are part of that.
It does sound like you found a lovely and special way to remember your mum.
Like you I find the crematorium very peaceful and I go often to sit, change the flowers, tidy up and then pop to see my nan and grandad’s grave too. It is a good place for reflection. Anniversaries and special days are on my mind, even though they’re a while away, and I think being at the rose garden in the crematorium will be part of whatever I do.
Yes, they are all ‘another day to get through’ and got through you did! I think taking comfort in just getting through can work too. I hope you have a restful day today and don’t forget to look after yourself too. Another friend keeps reminding me about self care, so do something nice for yourself today.
Take care xx