Absent grief

Ive recently lost my Dad and little Brother in tragic circumstances. When I’d initially found out, i sobbed my heart out but since then, i cant cry, i feel numb and in a dream like state.
I were hoping to start to feel something or atleast befin to feel my usual emotional self after the funeral but I’m far from myself at the minute.

I’m not sure if I’m still in shock, if it’s because of the amount of therapy I’ve had previously about emotions, or if this is my brain protecting me from letting emotions in while im having to stay strong for my 3 children.

I know i need to begin healthy grieving but i just dont know how.


Hi @AliceInWonderland
Welcome to this forum, my mom passed 3 years this April, when she first passed, I spent the first year in shock on autopilot, but sometimes things would remind me & I would cry buckets. You can’t rush grief, take it one day at a time, I know some people keep a diary, or mood charts, but you do what works for you. Sending hugs of support.


I’m so sorry you are going through this. I also lost my dad and youngest brother a week apart. My brother’s death was a shock… unexpected and my dad passed away a week later. He had terminal cancer and I think the loss of his youngest son was too much for him. I also like to think my dad didn’t want my brother alone as they were always together.
Everyone grieves differently and the way you are feeling now could still be shock or maybe you are just on autopilot trying to get through each day and keep it together for your children.
I hope you have support around you and a shoulder to cry on when you need to… when you are ready x

1 Like

Hi @AliceInWonderland there’s no manual or handbook about how to grieve. You will do it in your own way so trust your instincts and go with how you feel. Expect a multitude of different feelings to swirl around you and often at the same time! It’s possible to feel happy and also an element of sadness. Many experiences can be quite bittersweet when there’s grief involved. After the unexpected loss of my Mum last year I read many books about grief and felt more informed and in control of what I was experiencing. I didn’t necessarily agree with everything I read but knowledge is power. There are many practical things people can do to support themselves in grief so that they are not overwhelmed by the pain it can cause. Basically little things to help distract and manage the grief. Nothing takes it away, it’s always there but it can be managed if you choose. Sending you best wishes for this difficult time. Xx


Thankyou so much for your replies! I do feel like im in autopilot right now, and keeping a diary sounds like a great idea.

I’ve a lot of people around me for support but feel very alone right now, at the same time. I dont feel I’m able to speak about how I’m really feeling, or even if i able to find the right words.
My family are grieving and feeling so sad, and it’s hard for me to explain that i don’t even feel sad right now, I’m not even sure i feel anything other than nausea.

I’m pushing my partner away being irritable because he’s trying to distract me, and doesn’t know how to be here for me, when i dont know what it is that i need from him right now.

The only thing keeping me going at the minute are my children, and even with them i feel like i need space to just sit and understand how im feeling, because feeling nothing much at all, feels overwhelming.

I will definitely start and try to keep a diary to see if that helps.


Hi @AliceInWonderland,
I understand the feeling of needing time to explore how you feel, but pushing your partner away is perhaps not the best idea, I’m guessing that your partner cares for you very much, & maybe just thinks they are trying to help, communication is very important, tell them you need time to explore these emotions, tell them how you feel, & what you need, our partners are there to support us, just like we would support them if the situation were reversed. There are a number of times I’ve read messages on this forum who are concerned about their grieving partner pushing them away, some are also grieving for their in-law who has passed, & with my boyfriend we have an honesty rule, if something is troubling one of us we tell eachother about it, because we know eachother so well, we can tell when something is upsetting the other, & so would just stress the other one out wandering what’s wrong, or wanting to help & not knowing what to do, so we talk about it when stuff comes up to limit that stress.
Just a thought, it’s up to you what you choose to do, in what way does your partner try to distract you? Does he suggest day trips & things, or is it just stuff around the house like DIY or gardening? :thinking: