Absolute!y devastated.

My wife passed away 30th Aug this year from lung cancer and a stroke, she suffered badly…my eldest son passed away the same day from Huntingdons disease…how on earth do I get over such a traumatic event ?

I’m truly sorry to hear that your wife and son both died on the same day, what a terribly difficult time for you and your family to manage.
I have had many deaths in my life, a husband, an eldest son and others.
Grief is grief, it’s not bigger or smaller. It is painful and despairing and there will be moments when you will wonder whether you can cope with it any longer.
You don’t mention any other children in the family or relatives that can help you - I sincerely hope you have got some help and support.

How do you get over such a traumatic event? - you don’t. You go through the process of grieving and share how you are feeling with anyone who will listen.
You have found this forum so you are already among people who have experienced the death of a loved one and now we are all in varying stages of our grief

The journey is long and painful, but as the months pass you will find that little changes are taking place, some almost imperceptible, we grieve without any help from our conscious self. It happens in sleep and awake and moves slowly forward.
There is no timescale except your own, please remember that when, in moments you might feel as if you are being pressed on, to move on. Move only when you are ready even if, as I have felt on many occasions - I’m going crazy.

Please accept me most sincere condolences for your losses. I wish you well.

I am so sorry for your loss. All I can say is it’s one day at a time just at your own pace. There is no right or wrong as grief affects us all differently. This site is very comforting as we all understand how you are feeling. So read and post as much as you need it will help. Take care . Kay.xx

Thank you gogs for your advice and your sympathy although at this momment in time it feels as if nothing will ever get rid of this awful feeling of sadness and helplessness.
My other son is in Cornwall and two step children in Essex…they have made lots of visits and have been very supportive but most of the time i spend alone.
It helps to know there are people like you out there who understand what I and many others are trying to cope with.
My very best wishes
Andy

Thank you so much Kay
Andy x

I’m so sorry for your loss my wife died of bowel cancer on the 2nd of July and I am devastated but to lose a son as well doesn’t bear thinking about. Please seek as much help as you can and talk to anyone who will listen including on here as someone will always reply. Please try to take it one day at a time or even 1hour at a time as I do and take it as slowly as you need. I can’t tell you it will get better it never will but please don’t think you’re alone we are all here to support each other.
Take care
William

Andy, I am so sorry - how utterly dreadful to have two losses on the same day. I don’t think you have to “get over” this, but through. I agree with William - one day at a time, or even increments of five minutes. I really relate to the the fundamental aloneness you speak of, even when you have family. Please have as much support as you can going through this hell.

Take the best care

Louise xo

Dear Dash 6,

I am so terribly sorry. The straightforward answer is you won’t get over such a traumatic event, it will be with you for the rest of your life, but as time goes on, the grief and sadness will soften around the edges and you will be able to live your life thinking of the good times and not the bad ones.

What you have gone through, losing your wife and son on the same day is absolutely heartbreaking, losing one much loved person is terrible, but losing two is a nightmare.
Do not expect miracles, you have a long way to go before you even begin to feel again, you will be numb, in a fog, but because there are papers to sort out, funerals to arrange, you won’t get the chance to grieve properly for quite a while but when you do dont be surprised to find that you fall apart because that will be the time when everything is sorted and you will start to come to terms with what has happened.

My husband died four years ago after 47 years of marriage and that was hard enough, I cannot imagine losing a son at the same time. After four years I am still grieving, like I say, the grief has softened around the edges but I want him back every single day.

What you have to do is get out of bed every morning and put one foot in front of the other. You say he was your eldest son so I assume you have another son or daughter. They will be a godsend to you so lean on them because they will be hurting too.

I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

Lots of love.

Sheila xx

Dear Dash 6,

I am so terribly sorry. The straightforward answer is you won’t get over such a traumatic event, it will be with you for the rest of your life, but as time goes on, the grief and sadness will soften around the edges and you will be able to live your life thinking of the good times and not the bad ones.

What you have gone through, losing your wife and son on the same day is absolutely heartbreaking, losing one much loved person is terrible, but losing two is a nightmare.
Do not expect miracles, you have a long way to go before you even begin to feel again, you will be numb, in a fog, but because there are papers to sort out, you won’t get the chance to grieve properly for quite a while but when you do dont be surprised to find that you fall apart because that will be the time when everything is sorted and you will start to come to terms with what has happened.

My husband died four years ago after 47 years of marriage and that was hard enough, I cannot imagine losing a son at the same time. After four years I am still grieving, like I say, the grief has softened around the edges but I want him back every single day.

What you have to do is get out of bed every morning and put one foot in front of the other. Lean on your other children,they will be a godsend to you because they will be hurting too.

I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

Lots of love.

Sheila xx

Hi Andy,
You are where you are, just stay with it, don’t run away if you can help it.
Sit with your feelings, keep a daily diary, talk to them both and if you can - cry.
Don’t try being brave, all those comments mean nothing.
You are in deep grief and what you need is support and kindness - look for them, ask your GP for any groups that might be available to you.
Use this and any other form of support.
I know it feels as if this pain will never ease, but it will.

Kind regards
Gogs

I remember getting a card off my GP and with it a number of addresses and phone numbers of people who might help me if I needed them

Thank you Louise…much appreciated.

Thank you so much Sheila for your kind words, you obviously know what I’m going through.

Dear Andy, I am so sorry to read your post. You must still be feeling in shock after such a devastating blow. Its hard enough to lose one person you dearly love, but two loved one’s, and on the same day, that is traumatic.
Try to take little steps Andy, one day at a time. Perhaps counselling, if you feel ready for that?
I wrote in a journal each night and this helped me to get my feelings out and down on paper. I can’t bear to read it back yet, its almost 11 months now since I lost my husband. I may read it one day, but its all too painful at the moment.
The support I got on this online community also helped me greatly, just to have someone to share your most troubled thoughts with, people who truly understand how you are feeling.
Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you, as are so many others on this site.
Take care and please keep in touch ~ you are not alone
Elaine x

Hello
Have just read your post…how terrible for you to lose both your wife and son on the same day. Words are never enough but please know that all of us here will be thinking of you as the days unfold…we all somehow learn to live with our grief(s) and each day is got through almost in spite of ourselves so please don’t give up…this is so awful for you but possibly your wife and son are continuing their journey together and that thought might give you a little comfort. Take care…keep posting and someone here will hold out their hand x

Your words and thoughts are much appreciated thank you.
Andy

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Thank you…means a lot to me that you took the time to comment on my situation.
Andy x

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