Absolutely devestated and heartbroken

I’m completely heartbroken at the loss of my mum who died whilst in what was meant to be a low risk surgery (99% success rate). I lived with my mum and we did everything together and adjusting to life without her is just awful.

I don’t feel like I’m living anymore, just existing in what feels like a very cruel world. I’m 29, my dad died of a heart attack 10 years ago and now I’ve lost my mum - my best friend. I have no siblings and don’t know of anyone who’s lost both parents at this age. I so wish there was a time machine, to go back and change the outcome.

I just don’t see how I’m ever going to move forward. The thought of never seeing her again is the hardest part of my day - knowing she won’t be there for important moments in my life.

I’m disappointed in the NHS as her heart condition wasn’t identified when it should’ve been - despite her going to the doctors and hospitals.

I’ve got some good friends around, but I lost a lot of friends when my dad died because I was no longer fun and I’m scared that this will happen again. I’m dreading Christmas and I’m just feeling every emotion :sob:

My heart just feels like it’s broken into a million pieces and it can’t be put back together again.


Hi Stefanie. I am so sorry you are struggling so much with loss of your mum. I lost both parents at a much older time. Life must be so hard for you. There is a section on the forum entitled losing a parent. There will be lots of younger people going through the same that you can connect with. Sending you a hug and will be thinking about you xxx


Hi Stephanie25

I had a very similar experience to you 3 years ago.

I took my mum to hospital for a routine operation which had a 4% risk of serious complications. We were reassured that her surgeon did several of the procedures every day and hadn’t lost a patient.
My mum survived the operation and suffered a massive brain haemorrhage in the recovery room.

My mum also lived with us as my dad had died of a massive heart attack 20 years earlier.

I didn’t think it was possible for me to survive the loss of my mum as were joined at the hip and did everything together.

I still think of mum 24 hours a day and feel her loss enormously, but I can promise you that things do get better. It will take time but you will eventually feel less raw and able to move forward.

Look after yourself and take each day as it comes accepting that there will be days that are better than others.

Cheryl x

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