Abusive grandparent dead.

My mother’s father passed away last night and I found out this morning. I don’t know what I am feeling—or rather,I don’t know why. I am sad, I am angry. I AM SO ANGRY. I had a limited relationship with him; we were basically estranged. The reason is that he sexually abused my mother and her sister (the sister does not remember it), and he made a sexual advance on me too. Why am I feeling this way? Is it because I am sad/angry about what might have been?

How can I be there for my mother and aunt when there are so many secrets and repressed issues?

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Dear Confused3,

‘There is no one right way to feel’ - I read this in an online article, written by someone who was abused and had mixed emotions when her abuser died. Here is a link to the article:

I hope that reading this article will be helpful for you. As for supporting your mother and your aunt: just follow your heart. Be there for them and leave it up to them if they want to talk about things or not. Now may not be the best time to talk about the past as they will probably have very mixed emotions too.
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