Acceptance

How do I start to accept my partner in life has gone. I wake up feeling terrified. There is no joy in life. I try to pretend I’m ok but yesterday the tears came and I couldn’t stop. My sister and brother were there but as good as they are they are not inside my head understanding how I feel. I’m dreading winter. I’m finding it hard to accept my baby has gone. Life is cruel and hard

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Dear @Nel

Bereavement is so tough and horrible, and I am sorry for the way you are feeling. There are no words to describe the pain of losing a loved one.

There is a Grief Guide that contains useful information and support to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief. This would be worth looking at.

You are not alone, and you can connect with members here who have been in a similar situation as yourself. You can search by typing the topic in the search bar.

Having you considered booking an appointment with your doctor to see how they can support you and to see if there are any local bereavement groups in your area you could join if you wish too?

Please continue to reach out. If you need further information, you can email online.community@suerydercare.org.

Take care.

Pepsi

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Life is so cruel my husband of 45 years passed suddenly two days before Easter this year I am attending a counselling group and find that it helps as I am a total mess but very very slowly feeling better

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Thank you Terence. GP has increased my medication and told me to take Propranolol three times a day to help with anxiety. She recommended a book called Unlock You it helps to replace negative thoughts with positive. It’s hard work but you can retrain your brain to think in a more positive way. It’s worth a try. I just can’t seem to dig my way out of the depression. The book arrives tomorrow. I’ll update on how I get on. Apparently GP says you have to have something to build your day around even if it’s going for a coffee with a friend. I have to start somewhere x

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Bless you Nel. Sound advice from your GP. I try and start my day with a chore like laundry or vacumming and then a walk to the local tescos or headland . I arrange to meet up for coffee a couple of times a week and try and have a plan for the day . It has helped having that routine in place it’s hasn’t stopped those anxious feels but they are more managable and do ease as the day progresses. Baby steps Nel but you will get there and better days bring better memories with them xx

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I think maybe it will always be like this, after all how can you share so much deep love and life together for so long for it to be acceptable only after a short time to be alone with nothing, our loss is huge, no amount of words or activity can heal such a massive wound so maybe it’s ok to feel melancholy and be broken forever muddling through because we know the truth, the meaning of life and love through our suffering and loss of the most precious thing in our lives, sorry to be so profound but maybe we’ll never be fixed and that’s just how it’s going to be, thoughts to everyone on our sad journey x

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I am on propranolol as have constant migraines with the fubromyalgia but dance my love died I can’t shake them I think its the grief but doctor is sending me gor an urgent mail scan. Please let me know how you get on with the book as I would be interested in having a look if there is any benefit

Nel I totally understand how you feel as everyone on here does. In my early days of loosing my rock I would sit and think of ways to end my life and just go to Rob that’s all I wanted to be with him. Then something just clicked and I felt so guilty and selfish as I hadn’t thought of the kids and that they too were grieving and this along with professional help brought me out of this state of mind . I still have bad days but not suicidal thoughts and what I do to help me now is I try to plan my day and on bad days I keep myself busy and tell myself I’m doing it for Rob . I do diamond art as this helps me take my mind off things , I listen to my fav music . If ever I sit down and think of him and I begin to feel as I’m going to get upset I get up and do something and Iv managed to keep the 2 stone off I lost when he first passed ( I needed it tho) .
Hope you find something that helps stay strong you can do this take care kazzer

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It’s odd that my fibromyalgia has been better since my darling Richard died, its as if my brain can’t focus in giving me pain as it is too full of grief. I’m making the most of reduced pain levels and getting lots of jobs done which Rich used to do. Scaffolding tower moved to the next window today with help from my daughter and her fiancé.

While I’m up there I think of Rich and the fact that he’d be so proud that I’m doing it.

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KarenF what an inspiration you are to us all good for you and yes Rich will be so proud of you .

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Thanks. He continues to inspire me. I love a song I only heard for the first time the day before Rich died. You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban. One of the last things we did together was go up a mountain - well, the start of one which is all I can do and he helped me up it. Listen to the lyrics and you’ll understand why it’s one I sob my heart out to but also feel it’s true even now.

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KarenF listen to clouds in my mirror by Francisca Thomas

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I’m trying to see what I’m meant to be Kazzar, thanks for the suggestion.

KarenF your welcome when I first heard it I filled up but most music gets to me if I sit and listen to it

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