Hi,
I already have a separate post talking about what I have been going through in genral since the loss of Mum.
I have decided to open up a second post as I have noticed myself as the weeks have gone by that the largest issue i struggle with is that the fact that my Mum died due to accident. She had no other health issues of any sort, she was fit and well and the accident itself was the root of her death.
She died from a blood clot from her injuries which is still being investigated as this is not a complication normally seen from this injury or in this case was not picked up/missed by the hospital. This in it self is a painful element as we still dont know if they had found out about it earlier she would be alive.
What i have trouble getting my head around is the complete unexpected nature of this.
Does anyone else here have any experience with this? Or coping mechanisms or anything to help with trying to understand the death of a loved one and how to live with that when all you can think is if that accident hadnât of happened they would still be alive right now
Thank you
Rachel
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Hello @Smasher3kuk, I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. It sounds like you have so many unanswered questions about her death and with the inquest being pushed back, it is all the more difficult to get your head around what happened.
Although the Sudden helpline has closed, their website still has lots of helpful resources for people who have experienced the sudden loss of a loved one. You might want to read this article in particular: Why sudden bereavement is hard - Sudden
Hopefully someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and that youâre not alone.
Take good care,
Seaneen
Hi. I totally understand how you feel. Not sure I have any answers but I can empathise with you. My partner was âencouragedâ by the paramedics not to be taken to A&E as they thought it was just a stomach bug. She passed away with internal bleeding 2 days later. That was 4 weeks ago and I have researched every snippet of information I can gather from the Coronerâs office etc as a post mortem had to be carried out. All it does is make me angry and I think I was fooling myself that if I somehow solved it she would come back.
Iâm trying to accept that it happened and that the outcome may have been the same even if mistakes were made. I seem to have angry days then acceptance days.
I wrote all the facts down and for now Iâm keeping an open mind but I donât think I can put myself through months of investigation. The NHS is in a mess and the level of care is not what it was. It wonât bring our loved ones back but we can support each other on here and help each other to somehow get through each day.
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I can completely sympathise with you i lost my mum on the 17th april, due do an undetected infection which led to sepsis she wasnt Ill at all went to sleep on sunday night was gone by the morning the only way we know she had sepsis was the results if her pm no one had a clue she was that poorly which is beyond scary, im so sorry your going through this losing your mum is horrific and no one âshouldâ die but its almost easier if they have an illness but the shock factor alone is so much to deal with then the what ifs and the ist isnt fair, i lost my little brother 6 years ago in a car crash and if ive learnt anything from that is you have to let your grief just be and feel how you need to do what you need to, ive tried really hard not to keep going over how did we miss it, its beyond gutting isnt it, i wish i had words to help but i really dont just sending you lots of love 
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Rachel, Iâm sorry for your loss. I am told grief is not a process but a rollercoaster of switching between emotions. I canât get my emotion and feelings sometimes away from my personal âwhat ifâ. This is tragic, and not sure if the âwhat ifâ feeling is to be carried with you in grief forever or if it gets easier. I hope in time it will get easier as we learn and adjust
Thank you for your understanding. When she was taken to A&E 2days later and still had to wait all day, she was drugged up with morphine and was going to be admitted for a scan the next day. She rang me to take a few essential items in, then 1 hour later she was âfoundâ unresponsive. So many missed opportunities to identify what the problem was and have resolved it. Now our lives are wrecked. I dare not dwell on it as I get angry to think it could have been avoided. 