I havent written on here for a while. Its been 5 momths since i lost my step mum and im struggling. I keep letting emotions build and build as i no longer have her to talk to and yesterday i admitted to my other half i wish i wasnt here… there is 101 other things going off at the moment aswell but i feel like im loosing controll. Im still awake at 4.30 am and my brain is on overdrive. Ive been out smiled but inside im screaming. I made him cry telling me he doesnt want me to go anywhere but im so tierd of being a burden. I told him it would be easier for everyone if i wasnt here but is that really the truth… am i being selfish, itll be easier for me not them. I wont be the one feeling anymore. It would be so easy.
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@Baba1 - we are two early birds, aren’t we? And on a Sunday, too! My friend, you have been through very bad days and the pain goes on and on. I understand. Grief and life challenges are a bad combination to have to deal with. It is exhausting, confusing and relentless. You speak about not wanting to be here and that these thoughts keep coming. Others on this site have shared the same thing, and those that have all say they found speaking with the Samaritans to be really helpful as they understand and know what to say. When those thoughts come into your mind again, why not give the Samaritans a try? Your friends on here are right here for you, so keep posting if you can, keep talking about how you feel, please don’t struggle alone. You are loved x
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@Vancouver Thank you for your words. Im am so tierd of being tierd. Ill try to contact them. Its hard when i get that way to know who to turn to.
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@Baba1 Grief can lead us to deep despair and feelings of being trapped. But you say your partner cried at the thought of losing you so you are not a burden, you are loved and needed. Day to day stuff can be dealt with slowly and together. I had to deal with my wife’s affairs when she died in October. I could only do a couple of things a day as I felt I was deleting her from her life. Take your time, some things are urgent others not so. Finally lack of sleep makes us almost incapable of thinking. See your GP. Most are sympathetic and will be able to help. I take Valium but only when I need it which is 1 pill a fortnight now and only when I am in complete meltdown for a whole day. Samaritans will help guide you back too. You will find your own route back. It may be tough but you have love on your side so you can get there. XX
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