This may seem a strange conversation and the title a slight exaggeration but although I can never ever replace my amazing mum…I miss having an older lady/mentor in my life and someone to love my 2.5 year old twin boys.
I am an only child aged 47 and after 7 IVFs I got 2 miracles and my mum worshipped them. We would spend hours on the phone each day and she would be inundated with photos of them and was so proud. of everything they did. And now there is no one to tell…I still have my dad but it is just not the same ( bless him).
I hear all the time about older people who are lonely and maybe have no family and here I am with a wonderful husband, 2 .5 year old boys and 2 chihuahuas (My fur babies) and no lady/mother figure to share it with.
Can anyone help provide an organisation etc that might connect the 2 generations together? I have googled for days and come back with nothing, only in Australia they do Adopt A Grandparent hence the title of my message. Thanks in advance for reading xxx
Hi lisa Julia
I know exactly what you mean. My mum died suddenly in june and she lived with my 12 year old daughter and I.
We miss her so much and for practical reasons I have had to employ a lady to look after my daughter while I work. I found a lady who is late 60s and has no family of her own.
While I’ve been lucky to find someone who can bed with my daughter from 5am to 7am of a morning and 4pm onwards of an evening, both my daughter and I are angry and bitter that it’s not my mum who is there anymore.
Obviously my daughter doesnt show this to the lady and I hardly see her because I’m at work, but we cope much better with our loss when this lady isnt around.
Of course that’s just me and you probably wont feel like that but I just thought I would give you my experience.
I have seen services advertised on TV where you can invite an elderly person round for sunday dinner or arrange to call them for a chat every week which is lovely.
Perhaps Help the Aged can assist?
Cheryl x
Be with not bed with
That’s a lovely idea LisaJulia. I would contact help the aged. Like Cheryl says think there are organisations around where you can invite a lonely elderly person round.
I have a lady down my road she is my friends mum. She brings me flowers every week as she knew my mum used to buy me flowers. She gives me a big cuddle when she sees me. It’s so lovely. I’ve had a few little cries on her shoulder. It’s just nice having a mother figure she is more comforting than my friends.
Thanks for your reply and your feelings. I am a stay at home mum so I would not need it for practical reasons and my mum lived 2 hours away . It would be for companionship/friendship, someone a little older and maybe wiser and can help with decisions in life. An example last week I was taking the boys trampolining and Logan was so excited but Landon was a bit under the weather and I could not decide what to do and I thought…“I will ring my mum and see what she thinks” but she as gone and I will never replace her but I had no one to call. I also think my mum would approve knowing that I could maybe bring some joy to someone who is lonely with no one to talk to.
I had discussed this with my bereavment Councillor and she felt that in my case it would be a good idea.
Help the Aged is a great Idea thanks so much Cheryl x
Let us know how you get on.
I totally get where you are coming from. We are just struggling with mums absence from our home and life so much x
That sounds perfect and just what I need. Unfortunately I have not got that and really missing that in my life.
And maybe in time someone to take with me to the toddlers play cafes… I struggle going at minute as feel bitter at all the ladies there with their mums and children with their grandma.
Thanks again Jooles45
Of course I will! I have my lovely dad and I now ring him 3 times a day ! but there are certain things I just cant talk to him about. xx
Oh I love this idea…if only it was that simple ey! I often think that after my mum died that I wish someone would adopt me 
I’m literally so lost now…my mum always used to tell me (in a nice way) how ditzy I was and now I have no one to call everyday
Anyway…it’s not quite the same but, since my mum died I volunteer with a charity called independent age - you can either visit the person once a week for a chat and a cuppa or phone them once a week. I do the phoning version - once a week a ring a lovely 72 year old man…his wife died 6 years ago and he has no children etc. At first I thought it would be weird but I can’t even describe how warm (cheesey) it makes me feel inside when I get off the phone to him and he tells me how he hasn’t spoken to anyone all week or thanks me for calling him. At first it was, because I was lonely or because I wanted to help the charity but looking at it now, it has actually helped me and he’s kind of my friend now even though he’s 40+ years older than me!! But yes, look them up and maybe it’ll be what you are looking for 
Tasha,
What a lovely thing you are doing. Because my mum was surrounded by loving daughters and grandchildren, siblings and friends it’s easy to forget that there are others who have nobody at all.
When I’m stronger and not so bitter with the world I would like to do what you are doing.
Cheryl x
Oh I am still very bitter, angry and confused and I know 100% I wouldn’t of even thought about this If I hadn’t lost my mum, which is also sad in a way really.
It works both ways, older people can also join the charity and find a volunteer to chat to them.
Hope you are as well as can be Cheryl xxxxx
Tasha2019 I am exactly the same, even at 47 years old I was her little girl and now I have to grow up and make decisions on my own which makes me so sad! I used to speak to her 4 times a day EVERY day and tell her all about her grandsons and ask her opinions and now there is a massive void. God I miss her so much 
On a positive note I have received the application form from Age UK and all filled in and ready to post tomorrow .
Will update you all how I get on.
Ahhh 
Same!! I was 29 when my mum died (last year) but I feel like a kid who’s lost her mum lol like I get stuck with so many things and I’m like oh…who do I ask now and I feel so lost. That’s good news about age uk, very quick of them to send it already. I hope you find something with them that helps you xxxx
Well wanted to give you an update on Age UK. I went today for my DBs check and obviously took my twins with me. What an awful experience which as left me crying and down in the dumps since.
The lady was obviously very stressed as “alot of staff were off sick”. She had my application form in front of her which she admitted she had read and I had explained very clearly that I wanted somebody to share the joy of my boys with, maybe someone who had no grandchildren of their own, somebody who was lonely and I could bring a bit of joy back in their life.
Her first words were " you aren’t planning on taking them are you? Referring to my 2 year old twins.
I advised I have no childcare so that was my plan. She continued that older people don’t generally like children 
. She asked how I thought I could give them time as boys need my attention. I said I had hoped I could maybe take the lady out for coffee or lunch to a playcafe ( like I used to do with my mum) and I could spend time chatting whilst the boys play. Well I don’t know about that she said, plus there is not a lot of names on the waiting list wanting befriender services and with the added problem of someone who wouldn’t mind your children! I was to leave it with her and let me know if I was accepted.
I am absolutely devastated, I thought I was doing something nice for a lonely person and my mum would of been so proud. Instead I feel like myself and boys are unwanted and not worthy.
Thanks Age UK for this rejection and setting me back in my journey of grief
What a terrible shame for you and your boys
( they look lovely ) and a potential “grandma or grandpa” . I would imagine a lot of older people would love to spend some time with them
If you were in my area I would.
I had a similar experience with my dog, he’d be a lovely PAT dog, he loves people and is so gentle and quiet
I filled in all the forms, declared he’d had one fit and they acccepted him. So I upgraded my car insurance to cover voluntary work, paid for a vet check up and then they turned round and said he wasn’t suitable because of the fit!
I explained it was due to the stress of losing my husband who he was devoted to, I was in tears the whole time and so upset about it. I wished I’d never bothered .
No wonder they can’t get volunteers when they want them.
I’m sorry you’ve had this horrible experience.
They complain that there are not enough volunteers then turn you away. That’s ridiculous. I wonder who else you could contact, there is someone out there that would love what you have to offer
Ah that’s sad…I don’t think they meant to hurt your feelings or reject you and on paper It’s a great idea, two lovely little boys and a adult to chat whoever got that deal would be a lucky little lady. However, I think most people who sign up to charities like that, maybe they just want a visitor to pop round for a cuppa and a chat and it’s true, some people don’t like kids lol. Maybe age uk are worried it would be too noisy going somewhere with the kids or the older person wouldn’t get your full attention etc. I’m sure they didn’t mean to upset you but your emotions are naturally higher at the moment so of course it’s going to make you feel down. Keep looking, something else/different will come up eventually xxxx