Hello everyone, I am new to the group.
I came here after seeing an ad about Sue Ryder bereavement support.
I lost my beautiful daughter to Cancer February 2022. She was only 32 & was my only child. I don’t have any other children or grandchildren.
In 2016 I donated a kidney to my girl. I never thought that I would lose her to Cancer.
She started to feel really unwell early February 2022.
We sent for an ambulance & later that day see came home again with antibiotics for gastroenteritis.
After a few days she hadn’t improved 8 was feeling worse. We sent for an ambulance again fearing her transplanted kidney was in distress?
This time they admitted her & she had a scan.
I will never forget that day we got the news that our precious girl had terminal widespread Cancer & was given just a year to live.
I had a camp bed set up beside my daughter’s bed for n a side room… We met the McMillan nurses, who were going to give my daughter palliative care.
Then she went downhill really quickly & they worked for 25 mins to revive her…
She died in hospital just 6 days after being diagnosed.
My heart shattered & my life became a horrific nightmare!
I am struggling so much with PTSD & depression.
I cry every day & yearn for her . I have forgotten what happiness feels like.
Losing my only child has devastated me & my husband. I still feel deep sadness & trauma every day.
It’s now coming up for the 1st Angelversary. & I am a mess. I don’t want to be part of this world anymore. But I have made a promise to my husband that I won’t leave him alone in the world.
I am so scared that he will die before me. I don’t want to still be here in 20 years ( I’m 59 this year).
Any advice would be much appreciated.
I feel so lost
Thinking of you, the group has helped me talk about my feelings and know i am not alone in this heartache as i lost my 30yr old son in December different circumstance but still the loss of a child.
Hi @Aurora,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. It sounds as though things are very tough for you and your husband and you are feeling that your life has been shattered.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts during their grief journey. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
- If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
- You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline .
Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
Also you may find the below organisation of some support;
The Compassionate Friends support families who have lost a child of any age. You can call them on 0345 123 2304
You deserve care and support so please, Aurora, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Alex
Dear Aurora Firstly I am so sorry and I say that from a father who unexpectedly lost his only daughter aged 33 last November and like you I seem to have lost my purpose and meaning to my life and of course you feel as you do because she was part of you and your hopes and dreams and meaning for living which have been stolen by her illness, and as parents we have a very special love for our children that now has no place. Whilst I dont pretend to have any answers as I am just at the start of my own search for a meaning to my life and scared I never will and I dont have a partner to share with as I was mum and dad I keep searching and hoping. And although a year can seem like a lifetime I have been assured its early days by many and maybe like me am scared about the future as I have to learn who I am without my daughter. So you are not alone and although I know that no words can feel that indescribable aching pain try not to give up hope, I know its a battle, My thoughts are with you. x
Hi Aurora so very sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter.I totally understand your feeliings.I too lost my only child my son in March 2022 he had alot of health problems but when he went into hospital with his COPD there is no way we thought he would never come home.He woke briefly and said Am I dying mum?They were his last words to me.I go over and over it in my head .I am a widow 12 years 18th Feb Mark will be 1 year 9th March its so very hard .I also have no grandchildren.I hope you and your husband can give each other support and comfort. What your poor daughter went through was awful but she had your total love and support.Thats what we do for our kids but the loss emptiness is unbearable there are no words to explain this feeling.My love to you both xxxx
I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter, @Aurora . While I haven’t lost an adult child, I have lost my only chance to have children when I lost my twins to miscarriage the week of my 19th birthday and my father very unexpectedly to cancer in 2010 when he was only 68 as well as my husband on 21st December 2022 when he was 51.
Your grief is overwhelming right now, but I’m learning that there are fantastic members here who do truly understand what you are going through.
Keep reaching out and telling us about your wonderful daughter and please contact your GP urgently to let them know just how much you are struggling to cope.
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to send me a message. Your kindness & empathy are much appreciated.
I am just so sorry that you too are bereaved parents. Life just isn’t fair!
It’s so very hard learning to live again after child loss, an out of natural order loss.
I hope we all manage to get my through this life without them & find meaning , until we are reunited with our beloved loved ones again.
Sending gentle hugs x
Hugs back to you my love xxxxx
@Aurora I’m so very sorry for your loss. Wish I had the words…a cure for your pain, but unfortunately I don’t. We will never get over the loss of our precious children as we will never stop loving them. Sending love & strength from Ryan’s mum forever 22 
I lost my daughter to cancer in 2014 aged 25yrs, here I am almost nine year in, sat on the sofa ( with covid) feeling a bit low, something I still do from time to time is search her cancer type ( Ewing’s Sarcoma) losing a child, amongst other things to do with her and her life.
I am so sorry for your loss, I know the pain you have been through, and will go through, I cried every day for three years, I told myself that if I cried that maybe one day I would stop, and yes I don’t cry very often now.
Life of course will never be the same, it can’t be, it will take on a new path, i was lucky I had another daughter 17 months younger than her, I told myself that I had to keep going to try and make sure that she had a happy a life that I could give her without her only sibling.
Please don’t be hard on yourself it is very early days for you yet.
Take each day as it comes and look after yourself first, I found that walking everyday helped I used to cry all the way around the two mile walk at the beginning but don’t now
Everyone grieves differently too, do what is the best for you.
Sending much love and strength to you through this difficult time in your life.
I only hope that this post helps, if only a little.
Dear Aurora, I am so sorry you have lost your beautiful daughter. I too lost my precious daughter 5 years ago. It is the hardest thing we can ever go through. There is no magic wand, but for me the first 2 years were the worst.
I then found that a kind of peace descended on me and somehow I found it easier to cope and to get through the day. 5 years on, I live with an undercurrent of sadness but am still able to live my life and find some happiness. I hope this helps. Sending you huge hugs x