Adult children relationship after death of spouse

I have messaged here before. It seems to me that I am a hassle to my adult children. I have always been a good and supportive parent. Come to the point I dare not ask for any help with adhoc jobs that are physically to much me, because the answer is either a short sign, or just an excuse. This is very hurtful since when my husband was alive I was the one that persuaded him to go and do the various diy jobs they needed doing. I do not go along with the modern way of thinking, its their life , so it gives them excuse to only touch base occasionally. This whole way of thinking is alien to me as my family historically has always checked on on older relatives who live by themselves. All I ask is the occasional phone call. how are you Mum. Anything you need help with would be an occassional nice question. I rely on my neighbour, brother family for day to day help. Some comments lately is ’ you cannot expect son in laws to just come and do jobs’ my answer was when was the last time I asked maybe a year ago. I am finding the lack of support from my children harder to accept now that the loss of my spouse. Thank you for reading. Just needed to get ofmy chest.


Hi @Maryr So sorry you are going through this tough time. I can identity with how you’re feeling regarding your adult children.
I lost both parents a few months ago and the day I received the phonecall informing me of my mum’s passing, both my daughter’s were out. I messaged them both and one came home right away but the other felt it was more important to cook dinner for her bf (of less than a year) before asking him to drive her home to be with me. It was at that moment that my heart shattered, not only have I just lost my mum but my own flesh & blood chooses her bf’s stomach over my well being. I never knew I meant so little to her.
I went through hell & back raising all 3 of my kids and to feel so unimportant kills me. To be honest, with all the grief that I’m dealing with at the moment and then with that hurt on top (there’s a lot more thats happened since) I have actually been feeling very suicidal.
I hope your children realises how important you are. I wish you the very best xx


Hi Ang… Thankyou for your reply and support. I am kind of resigned to it all. However just lately I have cried more tears over lack of the support from those close to missing my spouse of 50 year. I cant change that, I am working at keeping channels open even though I feel like not contacting them just to see how long it would be before aphone call etc. Sorry for the lose of both your parents, you need that support. One day or daughters may realise how much you mean to them[ will the one who cooked for bf] I hope its not too late. Best wishes to you


Maryr, I can totally relate. My husband of 44 years passed away a year ago. My children
were there for me in the beginning however this has slowly changed. Busy busy lives with their families. I understand and I’m not asking for a call everyday but a call just once a week to ask how are you, do you need help with anything, would you like to come for a visit. Like you I rely on my neighbors for small things I need help with. My heart breaks waiting for a return call or text.
I never expected to be alone. The silence being alone is deafing. I cry because my husband is gone, I cry because I’m alone and I cry because I don’t know how to fix it with my children, I don’t want to guilt anyone to check on me. I want it to be natural because I’m their Mom and I always was there for them and expected the same without having to ask. I’m so sorry for your loss.


B44 Just seen this. It is oddly reassuring to know I am not in the this position by myself. Stops me b eating myself up wondering if it is something I have done or said. I see you posted on 6 October which, would have been my golden wedding anniversary