What i want to know is how can i grieve when i cant accept they have both gonexxxx
Hi Jillybean1, so sorry to hear you’re having to deal with your parents passing 4 months apart, it’s a huge blow to take both mentally and physically… Such a sad and difficult time for you.
Acceptance is a small word with a big meanining.
- Some might never accept - some might just find a new way of living without our parents…
We cannot rush or feel the need to accept they’re gone…
What you are doing now is greiving by questioning to accept they are gone!
A book that I found helpful many years ago dealing with beravevement was by Elizabeth Kubler -Ross. Might be helful for you too.
It takes you through The five stages of grief of what those experiencing grief go through a series of five emotions: denial , anger , bargaining , depression , and acceptance.
I have learned through my own grief it doesn’t always follow this exact pattern but it certainly gave me a good insight into loss…
Hope this helps - Take Care and be kind to yoursef Xx
What was book called lovexxx
I appreciate books are very personal, and I’m not sure whether it would help anyone else on here, but I am reading a book called ‘The Orphaned Adult’ which I have found really talks about how I am feeling having lost both parents… It is helping me to understand some of what it means to be orphaned as an adult xx
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I’ve heard about this book. Is it any good? A comfort?
I suppose I’m concerned it could bring up stuff I hadn’t thought about.
I really appreciate what you are saying @Daffy123 - that’s why I’m cautious about recommending books at a time like this. I can only say that I found it comforting to have a lot of my pain and confusion explained in a caring way, and it is written by someone who wrote it after he lost his remaining parent and struggled to understand what he was going through - I hope that helps? I got it and then kept it until I felt ready to read it xx
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I notice audible has the book on offer for .99p! It’s a audible three month offer at .99p per month. (cancel anytime.) Difficult to refuse at that price. I do have a lot of audible books i haven’t got around to using.
Buying the book would be slightly more expensive.
That does seem like a really good offer! I bought it to read on my Kindle and then bought it again in paperback so that I could mark it up because I found I wanted to go back and remind myself of parts of it while I was reading it - if that makes sense!
It does make sense. Nothing beats the traditional book format.
Thanks i just got it on kindle it quite goodxxx
I really hope you find it helpful - I go back and re-read parts of it, especially when I’m having a bad time - which happens a lot… this is such a hard time isn’t it
Take care xx
Its so hard cant believe im never going to see my mum and dad again keep waiting for my phone to ring as i live away from them also so use to go over and visit just cant accept it sorry for moaningxxx
I hear you… 
Everytime you hear that ring for a split second… “You Think”…
Some days I just can’t/won’t allow myself to think of life without them.
Other days I just can’t stop the tears and the reality that’s life now…
It’s just the worst feeling to want someone and no matter what we do we can’t have them…
Keep posting and don’t look too far ahead. one day at a time.
Take care Xx
It’s so hard - I still have that ping in my brain that I must call mum, then the horrible oh no I can’t any more and I hate it. Or the phone rings and yes I think ‘mum’, or why hasn’t she called me yet - still can’t get my head around it. It helps to remember it’s still all so recent, and not to look too far ahead because it’s just too scary…
Look after yourselves this is a really painful time xx
Hi i know i feel lost and lonely now i aint got my mum and dad even though i got a loving husband i just want my mum and dad back big hugsxxx
Hello, I agree. So many things I would ask my parents about. I keep thinking, ‘oh I must tell mum/ask her about that,’ or ‘maybe if I ask dad’. I always meant to get them to record their memories and family stories for me. Now it’s too late. I’m trying to remember things they told me, but it’s not the same as hearing them tell me. Like i’m loosing all my family’s history.
The orphaned adult is a good book to let you understand that needing and missing your parents as a mature adult is ok.
I have that same feeling that I’ll forget all those memories that I can’t ask my parents - have you tried writing things down when you remember them? Or keeping a notebook of memories? I’m going to put together the photos I have that mean something to me, and try and keep a record that way. A friend said to me that it might help me to connect with my parents if I do that, and maybe I’ll find I remember more than I realise I do.
It’s definitely ok to need and miss your parents, whatever your age. I agree that book is really good for explaining that, and how those feelings are all very normal.
It’s so hard - nothing can take away the pain of the loss, but hopefully this is a place for sharing which does help.
Dear NPM,
I know exactly how you feel, as I’m the same an only child with both parents gone, it’s the fact there is nobody around with the same memories as you that’s so difficult, there are so many things I wish I’d asked or discussed before they died, and I still miss them even though it’s quite a few years since they passed away, sending love Jude x
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