I lost my 35 year old son 10 months ago by suicide. I miss him so much & am having trouble moving on. I have gone to grief therapy & a coping group. Both did help some, especially the coping group. I feel so lost & alone even though I know deep down I am not. I have a daughter who I rarely see. She lives with her partner & works a lot. Her partner & her are very introverted. She keeps in touch by texting, but refuses to meet me for lunch except when its a special occasion. I know she loves me, but does not share anything with me. My son was my best friend. He was sweet, loving and always had time to visit his dad & I almost every weekend. He started a new job & was having trouble with insomnia & anxiety. He went to the Doctor, who was new & she prescribed him anti depressants. They didn’t help. I told him to leave his job as it was a night shift, but he wouldn’t do it. From there I don’t know what happened. He was always a happy fun person. He had many friends. Life doesn’t seem to have any meaning anymore. I love my daughter but can’t make her want to be with me. She & I use to be so close. If only I could go in a time machine, go back & save my son. My husband just sleeps all the time, rarely goes out or talks. I had it all once upon a time, my daughter, my son & happy times. Now I sit here alone hoping to hear from my daughter or a sign from my son. Someone said in a year things will be easier, I think actually they have become worse. I pray God is watching over my son and that I will see him someday.
I’m terribly sorry for your loss. Suicide is an incredibly difficult thing to deal with, let alone it being your son.
For what it’s worth, I know I’m a random stranger on the internet, but you mention God. I truly think our life on this Earth is but a speck and there’s another life awaiting us afterwards, one without the pains of this Earth, one where we can be happy with our departed loved ones. And I truly think that God is looking after them now and whatever pains they felt in this world will not be felt where they are.
If you see your son in dreams, I am told that’s a blessing and to just enjoy seeing them. May your son rest in peace and may he be eternally smiling now.
Your pain highlights how strong your love for him is, that’s eternal and that’s beautiful.
I lost my son, Daniel , 9 months ago and I completely get where you are at. I am told that as each day, week and month goes by, things will improve. They do not. I think I feel worse now than I have throughout this whole nightmare. I have no other children and I don’t have any support from my family. My mother has not been in touch since a week after Daniel’s funeral and I have no idea why this is. I am so sorry that you are going through the same thing as me. Although we feel alone we do have this platform to get some support from the people who really know how it feels to lose a precious child. Daniel will be forever 30 years old. I miss his voice, his smell, his laughter and his presence in my life. I will never be the same person and I don’t think I will ever feel okay again.
Thank you. Your response is so helpful. It is sometimes hard to keep your faith when something likes this happens. Your extra push is greatly appreciated. My son was a beautiful soul. He was sensitive & kind. He was loved by his family & many friends. We do not understand the diseases of the mind & how they are so hard to treat. Mental illness is the silent killer.
So sorry for your loss, Danny92. I think your mother must be grieving also and doesn’t know how to reach out to you. Hopefully, you will be able to talk about it one day. Suicide has become a disease. The response to covid by locking everyone down was extreme & isolated many young people. Right now the world is a scary place and with the internet everything is out there. I spent 7 weeks in a coping group, all parents who had lost a child to suicide. Three of the 5 couples lost their son, close in age around the same time. In each case they had loving parents. I know I will never get over it or ever understand it. I just pray I will see him one day in the afterlife.
Hi Danny, so sorry for your tragic loss. I lost my adult daughter 2 years ago. I’m finding that it gets a bit easier and then it goes back again. One step forward and 2 back. Sometimes it feels like never ending misery and pain. When I think of the shock, horror and fear of the early days tho I can see that I’m calmer by a lot, most of the time. I’m managing to keep on keeping on. I know the pain won’t ever go or the yearning and all the other feelings that come with losing your child. Coming on here is such a relief and shows we aren’t alone. It’s definately made a difference for me. Sending you all kind thoughts.