Advice for loss of older sister

Losing a sibling
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Hi there. I sadly lost my wonderful older sister (38) suddenly at the end of October 2024. There was a 12-year age gap between us, I was 26 when she passed away. This is the first, and biggest, loss I’ve ever experienced.

I organised her funeral and settled her affairs. It was a traumatic experience as there was a lot of conflict with her ex-partner, who is not a nice person. So I didn’t have a good start to the grieving process.

I feel guilty at the moment as it’s overwhelming for me to reach out to my nephew, who’s lost his mum. I last messaged him at Christmas and New Year’s, but didn’t hear back. Part of this is fear of prompting more conflict with his father, and also guilt that I can’t do much to improve his situation.

My mum and my sister were estranged for a long time and didn’t have a chance to reconnect before her passing, which is why I led on organising the funeral as her younger brother. I’m cautious about discussing her passing with my mum, who is going through a very different kind of grief, one that involves a lot of guilt, but I’m supporting her as best I can.

I have some peaceful trips with my mum booked in around my sister’s birthday and 1-year anniversary, which will be hard moments this year. I’m focusing on spending time with friends, keeping organised at work, and improving my physical health this year.

I’m on a waiting list for bereavement support from Cruse, and might explore other options further, but I’ve found it’s hard to receive bereavement support if you’re not also suffering from depression/anxiety.

It would be really helpful to hear if you have any suggestions of things that have helped you or your family, either with anything mentioned above, or particularly on those days when you’re hit with waves of grief. I miss my sister all the time, but some days are just harder to get through. Thank you x

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Hi, I’m so sorry to hear about you’re sister and you’re struggles. I lost my sister 2yrs ago. My sister and my mum’s relationship was not good at the time, they had not spoken for a couple of years. My relationship with my mum after she died was very difficult, her health suffered and we spent the first year fighting most of the time, but it did get better.
I think its very easy as a sibling to feel like you have to put your mum and others grief first, but its very important that you look after yourself and give you space and time to grieve your sister your way.
I carried a note book in the first year to write my thoughts down whenever the waves hit me. I also found having moments alone to practise mindfulness also helped - headspace have lots of exercises on you tube.
Apart from that, I try to accept the waves of grief and dont block them, its hard but we have to let ourself cry, scream. Its corny but trying to think of the happy times with your sister helps. I would also phone Cruise.
I don’t know if any of this is helpful, i hope it is. Loosing a sister is so hard, its such a unique relationship. Take care of yourself.

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Hi @RSC1998,
I’m so sorry to hear about your Sister. I lost mine in December last year. @Brontesis I completely agree that, as siblings, we often put others first and our grief is put aside almost. I am trying to focus on supporting my Brother-in-law and my Mum so I just cry on my own and try to stay positive with them. Sibling grief is so hard to navigate. Thinking of you both x

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