Hi
My husband passed 3 months ago after a very short battle with a very aggressive cancer. He was very fit and healthy so came completely out of the blue.
He leaves behind me and our 4 kids, who are all devastated. My younger 2 , aged 16 and 19 are both at home ( older one on summer break from uni ) and it feels like they are only just now starting to feel the full force of his loss. He was a hugely involved dad and since Covid worked at home so was here all the time.
They have been in tears and up every night this week and it breaks my heart to see them like this, especially when I can’t do anything to make it better.
I’ve shared resources and web sites with them and am here 24/7 for them, and my youngest has decided she will go for counselling which we are waiting on.
I just wondered if anyone had any good advice or resources that would help me as a struggling parent to try make things easier for them.
Thanks xx
I can reply to you, but from a different perspective. My Dad died aged 48 after a 10 month battle with cancer. It happened 5 days after my 18th birthday, back in 1981.
My Mum totally shut down, we went from a loving family of 4, who kissed each other hello, goodbye and goodnight, to one where nobody interacted any more. Mum actually told my sister not to touch her because “it made her feel sick”. My college tutors told me that they were sorry, and “how is your Mum?”. I had absolutely nobody, never cried in front of anyone after the funeral and got on with it myself. I left home a year later.
You sound like a very caring mother who is trying her best to look out for her children. The fact that you are reaching out for help for them says a lot. Please just carry on being there for them, as they are for you. Talk, cry and laugh together, and keep on doing things as a family.
Thanks @SadGirlfriend & @Blake
I’m trying so hard to be there for them but this week has been the worst. Only just got one off to bed after him crying for hours and in so much distress - been going around in circles all evening.
I’m exhausted and it’s taking its toll on me and I’m really struggling, but there is no one else who is here for them.
Not that they would go to another adult - their grandparents aren’t able to give any useful support and their aunts and uncles are all just getting on with their lives.
I’m desperately trying not to be like my mum who gave up when my dad died ( at 82 after a long happy and mostly healthy life ) and yours @SadGirlfriend ( I’m so sorry you had that experience ) but I feel so overwhelmed by their grief whilst trying to contain mine, and which is now spilling out everywhere.
Sorry just needed to get that out. I wonder if there is ever going to be light at the end of this very dark tunnel.
Xxx