Hi Tykey, this is such a heartwarming story, I am feeling comfort now as well from memories, I feel my brain is dealing better with the loss, I think of my darling husband every minute of every day, but, like you, it is in a warm way and not as upsetting as it used to be, none the less meaningful, but coping better. I wish you luck in making it to the top of Mam Tor and will be toasting too - Turkey soup is the best toast! Wishing you all well too.
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Thankyou, Panger. The more I think about, the neutral venue was a real strong point, althought I didn’t actually plan it. There was no empty chair where she used to sit! I’ve just bought my turkey, so I can make the soup. I think I’ll cheat with the Xmas cake, and buy one from Aldi. 
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Yes, I can understand this, I am also finding neutral or new places easier to visit rather than places we were together, need to be kind to ourselves. This year I am going to try and cook a turkey, I didn’t last year, but I will cook it myself, no big fanfare. Yep, xmas cake made by a shop - always best! Since I have chips nearly every day - they’ll have to go with Turkey as well! Take care.
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You’ll find @Panger , that as our confidence grows, you will be able to visit those special places you shared, and the old memories will come back and we can smile at them.
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I hope so, thank you. This is a good site, it’s been the first time I have ever posted anywhere, and it is helpful. It’s been a bit difficult, but yes, the old memories are so special and do make me smile, and hoping we can all do the same.
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I have a big ‘hill’ i can see from my kitchen window, I imagine my Son, Adam to be there. Adam passed away 10th December 2024, we are placing his ashes with his Dad in the church memorial garden tomorrow but I am saving some to scatter on ‘Adams Hill’ as I now call it. He always said he would climb it one day.
Last Christmas I had planned to go to Thailand to stay with my brother, I couldn’t face our usual family day because the previous xmas 2023 on boxing day my Husband, Ray passed away suddenly. I didnt get to Thailand because we lost Adam. I can’t remember the blur of xmas 2024, what I did or with who!! It was the worst time of my life!
This xmas im determined not to hideaway, ive lost two loving & kind people who would both want to see me ‘live my life’, we only have one! Of course, I am beyond sad each & every day but I have good friends, a beautiful and loving daughter & grandson & I keep going & will join in on xmas day for them, for me & carry the happy memories of Adam & Ray with me. Or that’s the plan, but if I need to hideaway or have a quiet walk on my own that’s what I will do.
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Hello Ginny3, i lost my partner in April this year he just turned 55 after 30 years together. This is our first christmas without him and he absolutely loved it. I wasnt going to bother putting a tree up but because my partner loved christmas so much me and my daughter are going to do it thats what he would want. As hard as it is i will just cherish his memories and do what he would have wanted. Just keep them memories with you always. I also write down everything about our life together and what we did and i find it a big help.
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Ginny/John, sorry to you both for your loss. I will be spending Christmas alone after my husband died very unexpectedly in May this year. I have avoided telling people of my plans except to decline their kind offers to join them for dinner. I can’t think of anything worse than being in the company of family/friends with a loved one missing at the table, nor do I want to inflict my misery on their celebrations. It’s one day and is it really any worse than any other day sitting alone. Depending on the weather, I plan a drive to the nearest beach for a long walk, cook a nice meal with wine & watch programmes I’ve recorded and saved for this day.
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Hi @Rita5 . I live almost as far from a beach as it’s possible to be, so it’s up that hill in Derbyshire for me. All I want is to be quiet with my thoughts and memories, and to chat with her. Being at a traditional family “do” makes that impossible. This will be my 4th Xmas, and each one gets better. I really look forward to the day, even on top of a cold, windswept, rainy hilltop. I can also look forward to finding a local country pub with a log fire, when I come down.
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Hi Ginny like everyone else Christmas looms ahead like a black abyss. My beautiful man flew to Heaven just six months ago. We were blissfully happy mostly for 35 years and I feel empty without him. The only solace I cling onto is that for the first time in many years my boy will be able to see his estranged children for the first time at Christmas because this was always something that he longed for here but never had. As for me I have no family or close friends so I will spend Christmas alone. Initially I was just going to treat it like any other day but the more I thought about it the more I know my husband would want me to carry on some of our Christmas traditions. So reluctantly I found myself in Sainsbury’s the other day and as a first step I bought a tub of quality Street. And I will buy a new Christmas pyjamas as every Christmas Eve normally putting on our Christmas jammies would mark the start of our celebration . Don’t get me wrong I know I will cry through it all. At least thats my plan but that may all dissolve as well but I will try if only for my boy! Don’t be hard on yourself and I hope your family understand. You do whatever you can do to get you through the day and remember there are so many more of us out there just like you. You’re not alone in this. I try not to think about it and just live in the day. Whatever you do I hope it passes easily for you. Take care and God Bless x
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This really made me smile. Because if the cards had been dealt round the other way and I had gone first, Steve would have got Meg our border Collie and most likely gone up to DarwenTower. Something he did on Christmas Eve every year . It started when the children were small to give me time to do last minute wrapping etc and became a family tradition. All three of our children will most likely make the walk over the Christmas holidays and no doubt some of the older grandchildren. He even tried to do it last Christmas Eve but we chose too steep a route and we had to turn back. He returned in March and did it with Connor one of our Grandchildren . Thank you for giving me this reminder of my strong courageous soul mate and husband of 53years. In grief we sometimes forget to celebrate these moments. Have a good time remembering your Penny .
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Thank you for writing this. It is a testimony of how you are focusing on the good things rather than allowing yourself to dwell on the obvious which cannot be changed.
This will be my first Christmas without my husband and soulmate of 55:years. I will be waking up without him on Christmas Day. However, I am blessed. I try to count my blessings each day and thank God that I had a wonderful husband and have a family who love me. Have a special Christmas , it will be different for us but we can celebrate our happy times . God bless
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It is my fourth Xmas as a widow coming up. The first one we buried him 13 days before Xmas! So this will be three after that. Just do same as last year on Xmas day with my autistic son. A Xmas dinner is being delivered in bags. We see photos of grandchildren in their home and maybe put on video of when the perbal family were alive thirty years ago. I will already have put Xmas present of flowers on my husband’s grave. Light a candle.
I will send some messages around to others.
Perhaps I will watch the dancing.
I will try to get my son to spend an hour on a something. I will miss the cat who died last year so give robin redbreast left overs.
I may walk up field for a breather see dogs. I decided long time ago do not want to share merriment with other poor souls. Do not like my photo used in the local press.
They think you have to agree to make helpers feel good at expense if people cringing being gauped at. On my birthday boxing day just lay table quick meal, candles. Suppose make own cake. Then present opening then they depart asap to go to in-laws then we left alone again.
We put my husband’s photo out. Maybe I
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I’ve always felt it a mistake trying too hard to make Xmas what it can never be again. I keep the preparations minimal, but sufficient to remember the happy memories. Here are the sum total of my decorations. Not much, but more than enough for me.
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“Enough is as good as a feast” or as we might say in Yorkshire " 'nuff if as good as a fe-ast"
Tykey, I’m struggling to make Christmas good for my children and 11 grandchildren but to make the decorations different too. It’s hard. Many of the items have been used in our house for 40 years and I need to try and break that tradition somewhat. There’s only so much in the pot but I did buy some reindeers this year. I just need to put them up but of course it’s going to rain tomorrow! Testing 1, 2, 3!
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Please don’t electrocute yourself, but we’ll look forward to the photos
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Well i just get out same stuff every year. Wouldn’t waste money on new stuff. I do it for my son and grandchildren. I am creature of habit. It looks miserable without it. I am still tidying up and so don’t get round to until nearer xmas then leave it up until 12 night.