Hi everyone I’m really struggling with low mood and anxiety after losing my husband 10 months ago and would appreciate your opinion on taking anti depressants, has anyone taken these and found they help with grief? My doctor has recommended increasing the low dose I’m already on to help with my low mood. Would really appreciate your views.
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Maisie
I’ve tried two types the GP prescribed but while they did help initially with sleep & appetite, I kept getting diarrhoea. 
To be honest, I didn’t find it helped at all with grief, so I stopped after speaking to the GP.
I would always listen to the GP, but in the end it’s down to you.
I try other mechanisms such as meeting and talking to people.
It’s still a rollercoaster though.
You take care 
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Thank you for your advice, I have read before where anti depressants don’t really help with grief. I am reluctant to increase my dosage as wanted to actually come off them completely before I lost my husband. I am trying to meet more people and in particular make new friends. Some of my existing friends have been quite distant since I lost my husband probably due to they don’t know what to say or are afraid of saying the wrong thing. This distance is hurtful but I’m sure not meant to upset me. I am struggling to find groups in my area where people are in a similar situation as me. I am also hoping to find a Counsellor.
My husband and I were really enjoying our retirement together and were always out and about also going on holiday or weekends away. On top of that we were together 24/7 as got on so well, all this of course makes losing him and so suddenly hard for me to come to terms with. It’s 10 months since he died and I think I’m struggling more than ever probably because I am looking more into the future rather than taking one day at a time, which is what I did at the beginning of my loss. The thought of growing old on my own is daunting. Sending you and all going through this awful journey my best wishes.
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Hi Maisie
Firstly I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.
I have also been prescribed antidepressants, though I haven’t taken them yet due to fear of the side effects.
I think you need realistic expectations. They will not help with the grief, but they might help with some of the effects of grief - low mood, anxiety, loss of confidence. So the idea is you’re in a better place to live with the grief.
You have the advantage of already being on a low dose, so upping it should be relatively easy. Do you mind me asking what one you’re taking? Is it one of the ones easier to come off? Has it helped you?
Ultimately it’s your decision, and you don’t need to rush it.
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Maisie, I would always listen to advice from the GP. When you next see them explain that you want to come off them, rather than take them.
They affected me, but they don’t necessarily affect everybody in the same way. I know a friend of mine was prescribed one of the types I had and it worked perfectly for him. I forget the name, but it started with ‘mix’.
This terrible rollercoaster we are on is really a struggle. My loss is more recent at coming up for 22 weeks and I’m finding it hard, but I have to learn to live with this. We all do.
I hate the loneliness that engulfs me every day, but it’s only me that can tackle it. I force myself to go out and interact with others.
I have an event this evening to meet up with people in similar circumstances. At the moment, I don’t want to go, but I have to for my own good.
You are the most important person in your life, so you have to look after yourself. 
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Hi John
Was is Mirtazapine?
I’ve been reading up on all the antidepressants because like Maisie, my GP has suggested trying one. I am so worried about the side effects, but I have had anxiety since losing my mum in April.
I am sorry you suffer with loneliness, I too, have chunks of the day that feels isolating. I do the same as you, try to find someone to talk to, but I don’t want to be a burden on my friends.
You sound very resilient and have a good positive attitude. I wish you strength on your journey through grief.
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That’s the one Rebecca or Jane? Mirtazapine was great at increasing your appetite and helped with sleep, but the runs, for me, were bad. My friend in Wales has started taking this and it works fine
The second one was Fluoxetine. Again I had the runs, but it also gave me headaches.
It’s probably just me. I don’t like taking medicines anyway. Paracetamol and nurofen are about my limits. 
My main issue at the moment is trying to sell my house so I can move back to Wales. That along with the loneliness gets me down, but I know I have to continue the best I can. I’m lucky in that I have my wife’s cousin in Wales, who talks to me a lot. She lost her husband in 2017, so knows what it’s like. She’s been a godsend to me.
You take care 
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Good luck with the house sale.
I am in South Wales (Swansea) living in the same village my parents lived in for 55 years, which is a bit difficult at the moment due to lots of reminders.
Hope you have a good day
Rebecca x
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I take fluoxetine which are more specific for anxiety. They help me a lot they do t stop the grief but i find it helps you cope better. But its a very personal thing and you should always be guided by your gp.
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I’m from Newport and my wife was from Rogerstone, which is a few miles up the Valleys from Newport, towards Risca.
I hope to move back near Rogerstone, where my wife’s ashes are interred in the church where we got married.
Yes reminders are very difficult. Most of Jackie’s stuff has been sorted, with family taking some of her clothes and things and some going to a charity that looked after her, however, I know when I move, I will come across reminders of her. 
You have a good day as well Rebecca
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@Maisie7
I had to see my GP because I couldn’t see wood for trees. My brain and body was a mess and I couldn’t concentrate or coordinate my thoughts and actions. I found it terribly difficult to go into a shop without breaking down and just completely forgetting what I wanted and I didn’t remember parking the car.
I felt I was breaking down totally because the past ten years haven’t been the best and then the sudden death of John this March just tipped me over the edge and I didn’t like myself at all…
I knew tablets wouldn’t take away grief and they haven’t but I feel as though I can get through everything else now in daily life. I can genuinely smile and laugh and cry, a lot…
You can only try …
Wishing you the best…
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John, I agree with what you’ve said and I will try to avoid anti depressants. I do go out and about, meet up with friends and family even if sometimes I don’t feel like going. I agree the loneliness is difficult and hard to get used to. It really is early days for you but I don’t really feel after 10 months it’s got any easier for me. I keep telling myself I have to get used to being on my own and to feel lucky to have been happily married to my husband for 49 years, not everyone are that fortunate. You must go to your bereavement group meeting as I think it will be helpful. I’m trying to find a bereavement group in my area too. Also I may try Counselling something I was dead against to begin with. Hope all goes well with your group meeting. Thank you for taking the time to reply to me on here.
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Maisie, obviously see your GP though to check coming off is right for you. Some apparently can have withdrawal symptoms.
Like you, I was married a long time. It would have been our 58th in September. We were ‘romantically’ involved since early to mid 65, so 60 years together.
I’m not sure I will ever get used to living on my own. Loneliness will be the death of me. A move to Wales will keep me occupied for a while and when I get there, playing music with my old friends will also help me, but ultimately, I will be going back to an empty house.
I will love Jackie always and forever, but I hope I find companionship with someone.
I decided to not go out tonight. I have been moving stuff in the garage and strained my back a little. I have got two young grandchildren visiting on Saturday so don’t want to make it worse.
It’s such a struggle isn’t it?
I can now appreciate what my dad went through when my mum passed in the late 80s. I wish I had known at the time. 
Understanding Grief should be part of what they teach our children these days.
Anyway, take care.
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It’s the most painful time of my life, gut wrenching to be honest. I spend so much times in tears feeling hopeless, the tears just appear from nowhere sometimes. We were together since we were 16 and 17, so over 50 years …that’s a long long time, I can’t remember life without him. Not having him here when I’m so upset is awful, we always supported each other. He was always worried I would die before him, not sure how he would have coped if I had. In truth I feel my life ended the day he died and the thought of growing old without him is so daunting. I am lucky that my eldest son has been so good and understanding, he is so much like his dad. I miss my husband’s company, humour, our outings, walking our dog together and holidays but most of all I miss him being here with me. I still can’t believe I’ve lost him at times, it all seems like a horrible nightmare. I’m going to a group where people who are on their own meet for coffee and a chat on Monday, I won’t know anyone I guess but will give it a try. Anyway take care, sending you best wishes.
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Sounds similar to our life together. Although Jackie was 17 and me 19.
The only times I remember before Jackie were of the 2 years I spent in hospitals with TB.
I did have a girlfriend at school, but nothing serious. Similar with Jackie.
I know it may sound awful, but I’m glad Jackie went first. I’m so glad she doesn’t have to go through this, especially how ill she’s been. At least she’s at peace now.
Hope you manage to try the bereavement group. I’m trying to go to events, but not always up to it.
Take care and all the best to you as well.
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Oh my, thats mine too.
I was on that when my hubby was going under chemo and radiotherapy. The experience of this watching my husband was overwhelming. Sometimes I did not know what I was feeling as I feel went on a autopilot mode.
I was on mertazapine for nearly 3yrs. I was off after that but mental breakdown hit me and depression. So I am back again. Honestly, when I feel I was doing good, really I was maybe telling myself a lie. I am not okay. I tried to be.
God, help us on this process of loss. Its simply too much at times. Sometimes I think if I will ever be right again. You do question a lot of things.
Good night everyone. We conquered another day. I pray for better day tomorrow. Love and big hugs to all.
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I suddenly lost my husband last year April 2024 , and became a widow age 56. I have always suffered for Anxiety, in the first few weeks I was prescribed Zopiclone sleeping tablets but GP won’t prescribe for too long and told me only to take them when needed , on the nights I wouldn’t take I sleeping tablet I would dream about my husband him asking me to tell him how he died , so the nights I didn’t take a tablet where cruel .
In September last year I was put on the antidepressant Mirtazapine 15mg , they helped me sleep yes they do increase your appetite for me more sugar ! After Christmas I cut the tablet down by a half I found 7.5mg of Mirtazapine made me fall asleep quicker , however I really didn’t want to be of them forever , so I cut the tablet to a quarter , maybe it was doing something maybe not ? But in my head it was , but I did find the dreams of my husband came back.
So now 16 months on , I am using Mirtazapine “off label “ I probably have half a tablet , two or three times a week , I take it on the nights I have work in the morning , or when I am feeling anxious , or even when I thinking about my husbands death , and it definitely helps , so for me taking a total of a tablet and a half maybe in a week isn’t bad to keep me going .
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Jane my wife’s cousin has been on the same dose of Mirtazapine since her husband passed in 2017.
Not sure if she takes it every night or what
Hi Hun , I have been on and off with anti depressants since my husband died three years ago , there is a big stigma about them which I think people don’t want to try them ! However I have found ( I’ve now stuck with them religiously ) for the last year , there a low dose and they ease my anxiety, they don’t take away grief that’s something that takes more , I see a councillor, for me a mix of both is the way , it works for me xxx much love
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Works for me too what I am doing , I didn’t have anything last night and I was fine , but tomorrow I am in work and in charge on me own , so I will take half a tablet tonight and it helps , I am now at the point of if it works why not? X
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