I lost a best friend of mine almost 6 months ago and am struggling to deal with grief that affects me daily. I was wondering if anyone had any advice on what to do when it all really hurts and you miss someone you love extra deep.
What makes you feel a bit better/ safer?
Thank you in advance xx
Hi I hate asparagus,
I wish there was an easy answer, I found walking in our local woods with my dogs made me feel better, when I felt like that I was always better on my own, but everybody is different, I still get days like that, but luckily they are getting fewer, hope you find what is best for you, sending love Jude xx
Hi @ihateasparagus1 I’m sorry for your loss
I’m not sure there’s anyone specific thing that helps, as the grief is so personal and individual for everyone, I’ve found it never really goes but living alongside it becomes the norm after the shock and the finality of it all - I’m trying to talk about it all to friends and family and remember outloud instead of things being a distant set of memories - not sure I’m making sense
But daily chats about funny things, sad things and whatever to anyone who will listen
Much love x
I am really struggling after my mum passed away. People are telling me to pull my self together but it just isn’t like that. I hope you are able to have happy thoughts of your friend as well as sad. I recently received a poem that made me feel ok about my loss for the first time. If you want to get in touch I could send it to you. God bless.
i am 68 and lost my mother last oct she was 90 you people think oh she was a good age 20 or 90 she was still my mother the most important person in the world. i think of her every min of every day .life will never be the same. i should be grateful i had her for so long . but it is very hard.
I too lost my best friend 6 months ago and am finding it hard to come to terms with this great loss as we were on the same page about most things and shared our lives on video calls during lockdown as we did not live close to each other in the last 3 years of her life.
I am trying to do different new things like going to the local gym for gentle supervised exercises twice a week after seeing my GP who advised me. I also go to two chat groups to meet others in person and am gradually making connections with people. I live alone so it is very hard at night not to keep going over things but I read and also look at videos on YouTube that interest me, I can see these on my tablet or mobile phone in bed. I also pray and attend church as I am a believer, which helps a lot feeling that Someone is there hearing me and knowing my thoughts. I do also have a few other friends whom I meet and am in touch with. I realize that I cannot change the past, but can live each day and try to find hope and pleasure in simple things like the flowers in the local park and in my garden and being able to see the sunshine and the sky and hear the birds singing. We have to be kind to ourselves.
Spot on my lovely, take care, love and hugs.x
Never give up your hope
It’s the way we learn to cope
Take each day as it comes
As we try to live without our loved ones
Keep hold of the good mememories
As they so dearly count
Hope and pray that God will keep you safe
As the grief will lift with each new day
Hi ihateasparagus1,
I’m really sorry to hear about the loss of a best friend of yours. It seems that you and I have some things in common. I too lost my Very Best Friend almost 6 months ago. She was my “raison d’etre”. We had been Best Friends for over 52 and a half years and shared everything, talked about everything and were always there for each other no matter what life threw at us. We didn’t live near each other but were on the phone at least twice a week and would visit each other about every couple of months or so and holidayed together at least twice a year. I left my home to go and stay with her and look after her for over 18 months, but when I came home, that’s when it really hit me. I was really struggling. I managed to find a good counsellor locally and she has really helped me. The loss is still there, it will always be there, but talking about it and how our Friendship felt, how supportive we were to each other and trying to deal with that huge void now, does seem to be helping. I recently also got Covid and am absolutely sure that I would not have been able to cope if that would have happened soon after I returned home, but thankfully my ongoing counselling sessions make me more able to cope. I run my own business but was not able to concentrate on anything when I first came home, but now I’m able to concentrate a bit more, so getting on with running my business is helping too. Luckily I have other Friends who I meet up with for a meal at the weekends and that’s helping me too. My advice to anyone else in our position is try and make sure you get out of the house and mix with people as much as possible, you’ll never replace the Friend you lost, but somehow we have to try and live with that loss. although it’s so hard. Remember your Friend would want you to continue with your life as best you can and luckily I do also get little signals that she is around and “keeping an eye on me”, that cannot be explained away, and that gives me comfort. If you’re really struggling like I was, then try and find a counsellor that you can build a rapport with. Yes, you may have to pay for it, but as another Friend put it to me, “you’re making an investment in your own mental health”. Being in this position also means that you will experience physical symptoms too - I know I am, but I’m trying my best to do what I need to do. I read somewhere, “if your grief really hurts, then it proves just how much you really loved your Friend and we have to try and be grateful for having had that kind of relationship which not everybody has”. I hope you start to feel better soon and will look out for your response.
Hello Sheila
Thank you so much for your kind and understanding response. I am so sorry that you lost your very best friend after such a long time of having known and helped each other through life. I only met my friend about ten years ago but we did not get really close until she moved away although we both sensed a deep mutual understanding. My friend was only 66 when she died of stomach cancer last year but i was convinced she would be healed and told her I would gladly have swapped my healthy tummy for hers to give her longer with her husband and son and with her friends at her new home. I felt that I did not get closure because she lived 100 miles away from me and I did not even get to her funeral last November. I felt that the depth of our relationship was not understood as we regarded each other as sisters but I felt I was not treated as such after her passing. I still keep thinking of her as being at her flat with her husband and at night i replay the last written phone messages in my mind as we never spoke verbally again after the middle of October at her request.
I have joined various groups and try to get out as much as possible. I do not drive as car which does make things more difficult. I am having counselling with Sue Ryder but am nearly at the end of these sessions but I know I must move on as life has to go on but I feel I will never again meet anyone else with whom I enjoyed such rapport in deep friendship and understanding. I do hope that somehow you will be able to carry on. Like you, I helped my friend in every way I humanly could and am so very sad if there was any misunderstanding at the end as I got very little support from those who were able to be physically with her. A lovely friend whom I will always cherish in my heart; I sent a message conveying this but I do not even know if she saw it.
I lost Frances in December and I am trying to cope. I miss her terribly and I also talk to her every day, which I think helps me, I have come to the conclusion that there is no book you can get out of the library to help you grieve everyone case is individual to you and you just have to look on the bright side and cope as best you can.
Friends and family will also try to help you. But it is a hard road that only you can navigate. Thanks for the chat.
Eddie [edited by moderator]