Can anyone relate/help/offer advice…….
The saddest thing about this whole post is that my mum is not here to ask for help anymore
It’s been just over 3 months since my mum died. My relationship is now suffering. I know I love my boyfriend deep down and he loves me, but we have only been together 18 months so this is really throwing us in the deep end. We are constantly arguing, we don’t seem alligned in each others thoughts or feelings. He has truly been amazing with trying to accommodate me however we just don’t seem to be getting on at all. All this is adding more pain and pressure on top of the grieving process. I keep telling myself to stick it out and it will get better but a few days pass and we are arguing again. I feel so cold because after watching my mum die, a relationship loss doesn’t even come close. I want things to work out with him but I can’t continue like this as it’s making things worse for me. I don’t feel it’s anyone’s fault but we are just not understanding and aligning to what each others needs are. I am not me at the moment and finding things very difficult. We have had multiple conversations and it doesn’t seem to be improving
It is the worst pain in the world nothing is worse than it.
It’s hard to explain, everything just feels so heightened.
This year would of been my mums 60th and also my 30th. Feeling so down it’s hard to plan how I’m meant to enjoy my milestone birthday this year. He is trying to make it nice for me but becoming stressed because he doesn’t know what to do. I get annoyed that he keeps bringing to my attention the fact it’s stressing him. In the grand scheme of things it’s things which wouldn’t usually have this effect but because of how terrible the situation is it is unfortunately impacting us. We are a fairly new relationship so don’t have loads of time together before as a ‘comparison’ of one another
I feel really cold and just emotionally unavailable. This is also something which is bothering him. It’s neither one’s fault it’s just how it is.
@er1111
So sorry for the loss of your mum. Losing a parent is heartbreaking even if we have siblings we still feel like an orphan, lost and abandoned. Sadly until you have experienced a loss like this nobody will understand what you are going through.
One thing I know your mum would say without doubt, is you don’t need any additional stress with your own emotions being all over the place. I personally would advise that you need to put some distance between you to enable you to process your loss uninterrupted. Maybe you could cut down the amount of time you spend together, explain to him the reasons why and if he is a caring boyfriend he will give you what YOU need at this moment in time. Whatever you do decide do what is right for you. A good relationship will survive any bumps along the way. Take care
Lyn
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