Am I being unreasonable? Our daughter died unexpectedly in May 2022 and after the funeral her ashes were released back to her husband as he wanted to keep her with him. He now has a new partner and the likelihood of marrying her and I have asked if we can now place her ashes in a mutually agreed spot. He has said he wants to release her ashes where he proposed to her or keep them at home. The family would like to place them with her grand mother’s ashes at the cemetery, where every time she drove past she said hello to her grandma. Not sure how on earth to resolve this?
Hi @Buff
Wow, sadly things like this often cause arguments amongst family, if you want honest advice, my first thought is, what would your daughter of wanted? The best solution I’ve heard of before, was a group of siblings, a parent had passed, & their solution was to divide up the ashes, & they all did what they wanted with their portion of the ashes, though I understand why this may be an upsetting prospect to consider.
… I don’t think your being unreasonable, you are a mom grieving for her daughter, & as her husband has “moved on” why would he need to be so possessive of where she is put to rest, though I do acknowledge that he must of loved your daughter to of been with her, it sounds like he is creating a new life for himself, how likely is it that he will visit her grave if he remarries? What about the rest of the family? I can see this is something that maybe needs further discussion with him to come to a mutual agreement, but if it doesn’t work out, or can’t be resolved, maybe you can do something in her name, like plant a tree, or put up a statue or plack somewhere. I hope it works out, sending hugs of support.
Is it possible you can have half the ashes , and her husband have the other half?Some people even put some of the ashes into a locket etc.
I don’t know if this helps but we had my sons ashes split between 3 urns, one each for me, my ex husband and Thomas’s wife. It wasn’t a problem for any of us and made us each feel some peace having his ashes with us.
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