Hi I lost my husband 3 weeks ago to a brain tumour which was only diagnosed at the beginning of the year. Hubby always had his phone locked but due to confusion from tumour he didn’t lock it and I came across lots of emails from another woman. After lots of tears etc he swore to me it was just emails I have since discovered they have been together and I’ve seen photos she has sent to him. I have had some emails from the other woman but she wont confirm anything. I’m absolutely devastated how could he lie to me on his deathbed? Why could he not have been honest with me?
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Hi @Minty1
So sorry to hear your in this predicament, I’ll admit I don’t know what to say, I otherwise would say “is it possible you could of misunderstood the situation,” but I’m sure you know your husband best, & it does sound suspect that the other woman won’t at least confirm or deny what exactly was going on. As hard as it sounds , you need to look after yourself. Sending hugs of support.
My mom passed April 2021 from a brain tumour, so I can say from experience, that it messes with their mind, they confuse or forget things, maybe because of the effects of the tumor he didn’t even remember the other woman, check the dates on the emails, maybe it was a long time ago, maybe he just didn’t want to hurt you by telling the truth, maybe this woman was just after him & he wasn’t interested & only kept the emails as proof incase she turned stalker, we have no way of knowing, & it’s really not worth the heartache to beat yourself up over it, though I do understand the need to process those thoughts & feelings.
Thank you for your reply I am really sorry to hear about ur mum, it truly is a vile disease and I’m just heartbroken as I will never know the answers I need. He swore on our Children’s lives that nothing happened - how could he do that! I told him I wanted the truth and he could tell me anything, I wasn’t going to leave him he knew that so why keep it a secret to come out after. This is exactly what I told him I didn’t want to happen. I just don’t know how to move forward with this. Now I’m left wondering if he even lived me at all.
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Hi @Minty1. Really sorry to read of your unanswered questions.
I reckon most of us have something we wish we had sorted out before it’s too late. I certainly did!!
It’s been just over 2 years since my wife died, and at the start I was always wondering why somethings happened, which I beat myself up over, again and again.
Sadly, we almost never find the truth. The only way forward for me was to decide what was the best answer for me, and believe that! It’s always possible I was wrong, but I didnt want to keep beating myself up for the rest of my life. Nothing can change the past, I’ve let it go. I no longer let myself have a conversation with myself about it.
It’s not easy, particularly in the early stages, we just have to be tough with ourselves.
Good luck.
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Hi Tykey
Thank you for your reply.
What a great way to look at it. Yes you’re right I will probably never get to know the whole truth but I can choose what I believe and go forward from that. I’m hoping in time it gets easier and the doubts will fade.
I’m just going to have to believe what he told me after all it’s him I knew best.
Take care
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