My baby sister died unexpectedly 15 months ago from an unknown genetic heart condition.
I am significantly older and was more like her mother than sister… family dynamics and all that.
She had two kids that she adored. She was full of joy. Laughing, joking and always onboard for an adventure.
She was my North Star, the reason I worked so hard to be successful and break the generational harm and violence in our family.
I was so proud of her, she was a successful professional and amazing mom.
She was so outgoing and full of life. Everyone loved her. Her funeral was packed, about 250 people. She was only 33.
I help care for my niece and nephew, 6 & 8 now. Their dad is with them full time.
I am a poor substitute for their mother. We were actually very different from each other. I’m not particularly fun or full of joy. I’m introverted and task oriented. My broken heart doesn’t help.
I feel stuck and I’m afraid for them.
I am in therapy and have been for years to treat my CPTSD.
Her death feels like something I am never going to recover from. I feel like a living breathing ball of pain that leaves a trail of sadness on everyone I interact with in a meaningful way.
I am hoping this community is a place where I can share without overburdening people. I don’t think I can keep going if life is going to be like this. I feel so alone.
and strength