After Life - Ricky Gervais

Watched the final(?) season of this masterpiece that everyone should watch.
I cried and laughed at the same time, I can so relate to Tony.
Perfect ending.

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Just finished it, got through a load of tissues as per :disappointed_relieved: You are right, the ending was perfect :grin:

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I haven’t watched any of this but have read good reviews. Wasn’t sure whether to watch or not. Just lost mark in sept and don’t know if I will enjoy it or it would be too upsetting x

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I started to watch it with Melissa a long time before she passed it while she was having treatment . we both found it too hard to watch, I’ve tried again since and managed to watch the first episode. I have a very different perspective on it now and relate to Ricky’s character.

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Yes we were the same we watched the first two series never knowing that my husband would die himself within months of aggressive cancer and that I would be in the same position, I struggled with watching the final series it I think he gets the pointlessness and just existing over very well

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It was indeed a masterpiece, it’s as if he actually did lose his wife, it’s so well written.
Wish more folk would watch it so they could maybe understand what we are going through
Dear @Ken1 did you manage to watch it, I know you mentioned it previously ?

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I recommend it but if you only lost Mark in Sept it might be a bit too soon. Junes been gone 4 years and took all my courage to watch it but so glad I did. Ricky Gervais really got this spot on. I’d watch it a bit later on but have the hankies nearby, you will need them

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Hi Maigret. No not watched it yet but going to blitz it this weekend. Watched the last couple of episodes from series 2 just to refresh my memory. Hope it stays on Netflix as it would be “good” to watch again. It did take me a while to find the courage to watch but after a few episodes it was just jaw dropping. Kept saying " how has he got it so spot on?" Think even he was surprised by the reaction to it, hence he did a 3rd series which he’s never done as far as I’m aware. One of the things that struck me and wished I’d done it is when his wife Lisa (Kerry Godliman) was leaving him messages on her laptop when saw that burst into tears and was like wish I’d gotten June to do that. Anybody that I hear say their partner is terminal ( either on here or on social media) I always tell them to get the person to record stuff, as long as they are able and are k with that. Hope it comes out on DVD then don’t need to worry about it getting pulled on Netflix.
How did January go? Know it was a toughie for you.

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Going to leave it a little bit longer then will settle with a box of tissues ready. Everyone says he gets dealing with grief spot on x

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Hi @Ken1
Love the love he had for his lovely dog too.
Wonder if you’ve watched it yet. Good advice to record our loving thoughts & messages if we know our loved ones have a short time. Do you think it would have helped you in your journey?
Day 2 of my husbands hospitalisation he screenshot a photo of me, I found it in his phone. I know he was thinking of me as I was of him, we were both out of our minds with worry for each other.
January has been just the worst, I am still too weak to stop myself from sabotaging relationships and family is painfully fractured. Friends & loved ones have lost patience and I can’t blame them.
Supposed to be returning to work end Feb, dunno how that will pan out, I’ve been in bed for 4 days straight. How I wish I was stronger
How on earth have you coped with over 4 years of such pain?

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Hi there. Yes I’ve watched all of the third series. Blitzed it on Saturday night. Think he captured it just fine and those wanting another series won’t be getting it. Ricky tied it up superbly and it is now done and dusted. Will give it a few months and watch the whole lot again, have a least 2 boxes of handkerchiefs ready.
I think it would have been good to have June record stuff but just never thought about it while she was in hospital, though have some photos of her in hospital especially when we sneaked in Skynyrd to Hairmyres that the nurses encouraged and then went and kept watch while we were in there. It was different when she was at Stonehouse as he was allowed in and it just made her so happy to see her boy.
We were the same worrying about each other though June would never talk about her thoughts of knowing she was terminal as she didn’t want to worry me but Keith my stepson said she did talk to him and her friend Ann, they’ve never told me what she said and in all honesty I don’t really want to know as it’ll just open up a whole load of hurt and a feeling of not being there for her, similar to what I told you about the Aussie Floyd gig that set me back a while ago.
Thought January would be a bad time for you, it won’t help that family and friends are not so understanding. Would have thought they would be more understanding especially as you were just hitting your 1st year. I suppose there are just some who don’t get that it takes time to “live” with the grief and it certainly isn’t within a year.
How have I coped? In all honesty because I made a vow to June that I’d look after our boys Keith and Skynyrd as I think at the back of her mind I might do something “stupid” which she might well have been right about but making that vow she knew I’d be ok as I’d never broken a promise to her in the 30 years we’d been together.
For me the pain isn’t as bad as it was, though I think and talk to her a lot so that has given me an inner peace really. The trouble is there is just no timeline that you follow, every body that is on this forum will be at different stages in there moving forward and there is just no set in stone correct answer. The pain has eased though even now I still get a through back and end up in a dark place. For me (and loads others ) it really is just taking it one day at a time and to be honest January will have been so tough on you 1st year always is. Is there not somebody in the family that you could talk to and just explain how much of a hard time you are having that they could then explain to your family. Maybe a cousin or in-law ? Best talking to somebody you feel would understand how you feel. Can’t really get my head round why some people think everything is going to be ok after a few months, it takes time to get to grips with your life partner not being there it doesn’t just vanish overnight.
As to retuning to work does your work have a HR person. if they do I’d try arrange to talk to them and let them know how you feel and they should be able to help and give advice, that’s what they are there for. Might be worth the cost of a call?
As been said always use this forum to shout/scream and get things out in the open. This place has helped so much, glad I found it.
Take care
Ken

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Hi there. Just read your piece about ‘afterlife’ think I will watch it based on your recommendation. Dave B.

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Hi Ken
I knew you would ‘get’ it, when I think of him & his wife, I relate it so much to you & your dear June.
He said there will be no more made & he’s right, there can’t be. Heartbreaking, true and no happy ending.

Your story of Hairmyers & Stonehouse reminded me of when my husband smuggled my mum & dad’s huge dog into Monklands as my mum told him the dog was the only one she missed . Dog hair everywhere & loads of funny looks. Like you, I have photos too, she was delighted to see her big pal. Was mums 4th anniversary of her passing on Monday, I was the only one to remember apart from one friend. I had to remind family. I suppose they will also forget my husband’s anniversary in the coming years.

June maybe didn’t talk about her thoughts of being terminal with you as she maybe couldn’t cope seeing the hurt in your face. Equally there are probably many many things she did say to you that she wouldn’t share with others.

I dreamed of my husband last night, he came back to me & I said I knew it was a mistake, so now we can go to see Alanis morrisette in June together. Weird dream.

My niece just thinks I’m stubborn in not doing the things that will help my recovery, she’s just at a loss to know how to help me. I did try to explain logic has flown out the window. I realise its hard for her, she lost the most amazing ‘dad’ anyone could ever hope for. We brought her up like our own & she’s not just lost him, she’s lost me too. Family don’t want to talk, they don’t get it.

Maybe if we weren’t separated due to covid we could have made some promises to each other that could help me now. The promise we made to each other at the start of lockdown was that we wouldn’t hang about without each other if something terrible happened. We joked about going to dignitas & I said I hope they open one soon in Bellshill to save us the airfare…

I’m glad your pain has eased and you have found inner peace, but as you say, it’s so easy to slip back & I know that’s something we have to live with for the rest of our lives.

My work have been really understanding & have said they will support whatever I need to do to help me cope with returning. I know I am very fortunate in that respect. Their counselling is rubbish (outsourced), I only managed one phone call with them.
I have just under 3 years to retirement but in my head I’m going at end of this year I think, i can handle the 2 year loss of pension. So I’m meeting hr next week to do a plan for going back (hopefully work from home) & take it from there.

So yes, January has been hard. I realised today I’ve not been over the door since last Friday, not seen anyone & only had one phone call. This is totally my fault, I’m not reaching out, even switching my phone off now to avoid people, staying in bed most of the time.

Have you been at any gigs or thinking of booking anything? How are your boys doing?

all best
M

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Hi. It’s amazing how many animals get smuggled into hospital. One nurse that talked to me said all nurses are of the opinion that animals should be let in as they see the benefit and how the patient is so much happier, know the girls said that to me the difference in June after her boy visited was phenomenal.
This is the “problem” with anniversaries, some people do remember but they are few and far between. I could bet if I asked my friends what date June died they wouldn’t remember but I just put that down to it’s a more significant date to me rather than them.
You are totally correct that June didn’t talk about being terminal as she knew I wasn’t too strong to deal with it.
You are having dreams earlier than I did, it was only last year started having dreams with June and a few times it was us living in Milton Keynes so many years ago. Most were pretty normal but always had a feeling of peace after them.
Think maybe if you could have a talk with your niece and just try and get over where you are, at the end of the day it’s just over a year and why people think we’ll be over it by then really gets me. I had a work colleague from my last work who kept asking me what the dating app on Facebook I was on (?) was like. I asked another guy we worked with what the f*** he was on about did he think I was ready to move on after 6 months. Danny said just to ignore him as he’s more than likely picked up on the wrong person. Danny knew there was no way that I would be on a dating app. People can be crazy at time.
I’m like you on retirement, I’ve about 3.5 years to go but with my ankle injury which can be not too bad (though can still feel pain) to downright sore . Trouble is had an assessment over the phone last year and was found able to work what job they think I can do no idea as can’t walk too far , driving can be ok one day then sore the next day, not really qualified to work in an office so pretty limited choice wise. Have appealed that decision but doubt it will be overturned. Need to keep going for 3 years ( who is going to take a 63 year old with a dodgy ankle) or win the lottery.
January was always going to be hard and sometimes you just need to be alone as it can be difficult to talk to people as although they can be sympathetic unless they have gone threw it themselves they can’t really understand the pain. I would say try not to avoid people as they are trying their best.
Been to few gigs as they seem to be starting up again. Alasdair and I went through to Edinburgh to the Queens Hall to see The Classic Rock Show. It’s really good, seen 4 or 5 times now. They are like a tribute act(?) but play a lot of classic rock tunes., the Who, Zeppelin, Queen, Bowie, Van Halen though they always try to vary it, Its good good night of rock music. Few concerts lined up but just taking it concert by concert as they have been delayed for about 2 years now. Wonder if we’ll ever get out of this, I really fear not. Get the feeling another pandemic is just round the corner but that could just be me.
All the boys doing fine, not spoken to Keith in about a week but he’s doing fine got promoted to running the company, not a big company only about 4 or 5 but in all honesty he is the right guy for the job, he’s always been meticulous in his work so when was offered the job he spoke to me about it and told him to go for it and if there was anything he needed about managing staff to give me a shout as have been a manager of Peter Dominic in Bletchley years ago and managing staff is the same in what ever profession.
Skynyrd still plodding along though he is slowing down but he is 16 now sometimes we go for smallish walks round about here then every now and again he heads off into a longer walk ie like today. He leads and I just follow. I just let him take his time and wander about sniffing his wee heart out, he may be half blind but he can sniff his way round his area. Better than next doors dog who now never gets taken out, she’s only 6 but looks an old, old dog. She’s getting grey all over and I claim that’s through stress of not getting out. She never did get out for long walks but now her world is the back garden, and that’s for about 60 secs before she’s shouted back in. Makes me so angry. Anyway mines ok and that’s my main concern .
Think that is all have for just now.
Take care
Remember there is set time to feel “normal” or as normal as we’ll ever be.
Ken

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Decided to watch afterlife and I’m so pleased I did. I’ve never been a fan of Ricky Gervais but he was brilliant in this. Characters were great and the writing brilliant. I could relate to a lot of it. I laughed and I cried xx

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I Sit Beside the Fire and Think by JRR Tolkien

I am waiting on the footsteps…

I sit beside the fire and think
Of all that I have seen
Of meadow flowers and butterflies
In summers that have been

Of yellow leaves and gossamer
In Autumns that there were
With morning mist and silver sun
And wind upon my hair

I sit beside the fire and think
Of how the world will be
When winter comes without a spring
That I shall ever see

For still there are so many things
That I have never seen
In every wood in every spring
There is a different green

I sit beside the fire and think
Of people long ago
And people that will see a world
That I shall never know

But all the while I sit and think
Of times there were before
I listen for returning feet
And voices at the door

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Dear @Ken1
It’s been a while since we have chatted, I apologise …
June must have been so very happy to see her boy when she was in hospital, they really should rethink the rules on that. Better than any drug they can give.

More anniversaries looming, my husband’s birthday this week, our wedding anniversary next week. It used to be a competition between us, I would count his three or so birthday cards he would get and remind him I got 10. He would say folk were feart to forget to send me a card.
I only look at FB now, I don’t post anything as it all seems so bloody trivial. The guy who asked you about the dating site must have a swinging brick instead of a heart. I think that tells you more about him/his lives/his relationships and you had what he hasn’t got in his life, that depth of love that we were so very very lucky to experience.

Your phone assessment for job suitability reminded me of my friend, whose husband was always getting unreasonable job suggestions despite his failing health. She said, quote “you would need to be a head in a carrier bag before they would leave you alone, but even then they would have you licking stamps”
I’ve supported a family member through x 3 decision boards, and have been successful each & every time. In the last one, the medical doctor congratulated me for the obvious support and care I showed throughout the years and even suggested some contacts for ongoing support. That said, every time she gets a ‘summons’ she goes through absolute hell with worry.
If you did decide to go back to work, you would be surprised how quickly you would be snatched up, even at 63.
So I went back to work last week on phased return (working from home). It was not as bad as I had built it up to be in my head but was very very tiring and I only lost it twice so far. The getting up early was a challenge, as was the first few zoom meetings. But here I am on week 2 after 13 months. Probably not adding much value to the team as I can’t remember so much with systems & processes but it’s a start. I still look out the window when I hear a big truck passing, my husband would oftimes come home for lunch if he was in the area, nag me about eating and taking breaks from the screens. Hurts my heart so much. But then the sound of the ice cream van every Friday makes me cry, I would always ask if he wanted a double nougat, we would hum & haw then say naw. Every single time. Still so many triggers. I think I am the only one that cries when I see a box of porridge in the shop, he ate it & I hated it. He would be laughing at my craziness and I miss his own unique brand of crazy so much.

Good news about Keith, I hope he enjoys the challenge and doesn’t get too stressed. What a wonderful life you have given Skynyrd and how well you have looked after each other. Absolutely awful about next doors dog, they are not fit to be owners, it’s a serious commitment, that’s why I’m struggling to decide whether to do it. I would not want to let a pooch down by not being able to deliver on the commitment.

My cousin & his partner have got me a ticket for an eagles tribute band next week, I hope to be able to go (there’s 6 folk going) but I think he will understand if I bale. Ironically I bought my sister Eagles tickets x 2 for Xmas for Murrayfield this summer (yes, cost a fortune) and I get to see the tribute band.
I think the war in Ukraine has given me a kick up the whatsit, I have so much to be thankful for when all around is total utter devastation, destined to get much worse.

I hope all is well with you and your dreams of June continue to bring you peace.
take care
M
ps was up your way two weeks ago - The Torrance Hotel had a medium event - absolutely nothing came my way, I still don’t know if I believe…

Hi been thinking needed to get on the forum and had an email with a questioner so filled it in. A lot of the time it is seeing if they can improve(?) whatever that means. Don’t know why companies feel they have to tinker with stuff. If it ain’t broke, leave it alone!!
Yes totally agree that pets should be allowed into the hospital, all the nurses that were in Junes ward said the difference was immense. I could see how she was after Skynyrd had paid a visit.
Bad time with all the anniversaries coming up. Always found they were hardest at the start as you would think about what you would normally have done, I wouldn’t say they are any easier but I find I spend more time reflecting back and finding the good memories. These things all take time and we all go at our own pace.
The job thing is so tricky as my ankle one day can be fine then next couple of days be sore and I’d hate not to be able to do the job properly. Also with Skynyrd at his age feel I’d need to be here for him, maybe different once he’s gone but hopefully that’s a wee while away.
I think a lot of the time we build things up in our head and when it arrives, i.e. going back to work, it’s not that bad. That’s just us humans!!!
The triggers are something that can happen at anytime. Usually with me it is something musical, we used to watch the Graham Norton show, and quite often when the musical guest comes on that we hadn’t heard of June would say she quite liked them. Now I find when I occasionally watch his show, if there is somebody on I’ll turn to her picture and say, you’d have liked them.
Keith is doing not too bad and he knows if he needs advice then just to phone me and I’ll talk it through with him. They have finally sorted out his salary and think it’s not as much as he thought it would be but I think he’s totally miscalculated either that or he’s paying SUPER tax. Think he’ll be surprised when he gets his next wage. He’s just trying to get on top of it but he’ll get there, he’s a bit like me, takes a bit of time to understand it but once it clicks he’ll be fine. I told him if he s not sure to get onto somebody who can help. Sort it before it becomes too big a problem. Which he will do, he does listen to me. Just wish his mum was around to see how well he’s doing, she’d be so proud.
The tribute band is that the Caledonian Eagles? saw an advert for their gig, might have been on FB or was from The Ferry web site. If want my opinion I’d go to see them, your husband would probably be saying the same thing. I know when it came to seeing Black Stone Cherry and Nickleback nobody else wanted to go but they were 2 bands we’d always go see and I really did hear June shouting at me to go, or else, She was saying she’d be there with me which she is as I have a wee cross that have some of her ashes in, so she is with me 24/7. The 1st times were the hardest as it was like going to a gig with my arm missing. But was so glad I did go and I know she would have been SO ANGRY at me for not going. I like the tribute bands as a lot of the original bands are gone, we go to the Pink Floyd bands- Australian Pink Floyd and BritFloyd they are amazing (if you like Pink Floyd) another we go to see is Rumours of Fleetwood Mac. Very talented. June loved them would rather go see them than the “proper” FM as she thought what they charged was obscene, her view was she wasn’t paying for their coke habit back in the 80’s :rofl: Could imagine the price of the Eagles would be eye watering. hope she enjoys it.
Think the war has made people think and take stock on their lives. However bad we have it at least we don’t have a foreign power just rolling in “because they can” just reads like the late 1930’s Germany. Once again our government has been shown to be an embarrassment. Why can’t they take away the restrictions and help the refugees? When I’ve been looking into it what we are doing (or not) is shocking. Ordinary folk in the UK are doing more. The sanctions we have set up are just a joke, we’ve only sanctioned 16 banks and companies just shows how tied in our government is to the Russian rich. Rant over.
Think that is about it for just now, need to get moving or going to fall asleep as not had a good sleep for about 3 or 4 days and find if I’m sitting down for too long start getting drowsy so need to go do something just to keep me awake.
Anyway was good to hear from you,
Take care
Ken

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Dear @Ken1
Being able to say things on this forum that I can’t say out loud seems to help, glad I found it and now have so many forum friends that understand… good to hear from you too.
I too done a questionnaire yesterday, the govt census. Some of those multiple choice boxes stabbed my heart.
You are right about building things up in our heads, work has not been too bad. The band aid had to be ripped off.
I know what you mean about discovering new music, but it was usually my husband who would find stuff, really interesting music that would end up being a staple. He showed me a video of Dead South - In Hell I’ll be good company - we played it at his funeral and included it on his memorial spotify. They are playing at Barrowlands as part of Celtic Connections on 21st March. I’m still thinking about getting tickets, got to the checkout twice.

Yes, its the Ferry concert I’m meant to be going to. I’ve looked out my very hippie clothes & the roots get done next week but will decide nearer the time if I can manage.
Very astute that June knew where the ticket money for Fleetwood Mac would end up! I watched their story recently (maybe Sky Arts?) and it’s amazing how troubled they all were. My cousin (ferry ticket cousin) took me to see Fleetwood Mac in the Apollo in 1977 for my birthday (although we both preferred the ‘real’ FM with Peter Green, totally different band). Was an epic concert. Stevie Nicks fell off her huge platforms while doing Rhiannon.

Re Keith thinking his salary rise was not what he thought. Years ago I was promoted and my husband said I had accepted a title, not a wage rise. He was right, a year later my wage hadn’t increased until I got another job offer, so existing boss very quickly delivered. Again, my man said too little too late & not backdated, I should leave. But I liked the job & the folk so I stayed and it allowed me to progress to better in later years.

I agree that our govt not doing it quick enough for Ukraine, there are piles of hidden Russian money. The news is just so hearbreaking. I compare to our lives & although so very sad & lonely and broken, we have a lot to be thankful for, even when we are at our lowest. My friend has friends in Ukraine, trying to get out with his family and when he got to another country (don’t know which) the British Embassy was closed because it was the weekend. Really? If my work asked me to come out at midnight on a bank holiday I would deem it important enough to be there and be helping.

So probate all settled now, despite incompetent lawyer being purposely obstructive. I made a complaint to my husbands bank and they offered compensation. I asked them to double it and listed who I intended to donate it to. They agreed! So, Ukraine (via DEC or similar) & 3 other local orgs will all get an equal share.

Sitting too long kills my back too so I’d better get off this laptop and start moving about. Hope your sleeping gets a bit better, I am not doing too well in that dept at all, was on sofa all night.

Take care Ken, scratch behind Skynyrds ears and tell him I said hello.
M

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Hi Maigret, I filled the census in when it came in so it’s done and out the way. It can “hurt” with the questions where once you were a couple now your just a single person, brings it home in a clinical way.
It can be difficult going to a gig when you are so used to going with your music buddy, as I said when it came to our 2 bands and I was just not sure, plus was still recovering from busted ankle, but all I could hear was June kind of screaming “you’d better go,or else”. I always thought at back of my mind if it got too much I could always just leave. it was a massive step to take and know what you are dealing with re your Barrowlands gig.
Ah the real Fleetwood Mac, what a band. Saw Peter Green a few times at the Renfrew Ferry, was pretty sad as was slower in talking, when he did, and playing maybe not as fluent as it was though he could still beat a good number of guitarists today. Most of my FM is of Peter Greens band where as June had the newer FM though she did like PG’s band as she used to play the cds’ I had. Also Rumours of Fleetwood Mac when they start the 2nd half of their show the 1st half hour is PG’s Mac.
Keith is not too bothered with the wage rise as it is still more than he was on, but I still think he has miscalculated what his wage will be, think he’ll be surprised when gets his new wage. He has a lot to learn and was getting bit snowed under but as I told him it will take a bit of time to get on top of it. He’s a bit like me takes a bit of time to totally understand it but once he does it all falls into place. I just keep in touch to make sure he knows he’s his family behind him.
The Ukraine crisis is so frustrating. I sometimes watch PM qustion time on YouTube and the answers that are given are just out and out lies. We just don’t seem to be helping, by that I mean poiticians, ordinary folk are doing their best know there is a lot going on in EK. I have had many a “heated” debate with my brother as his view is where do we put them all. On which he gets told we don’t take in as many refugees as his beloved Daily Mail makes out. At that time we had 300 think it’s about 1,000 but as you were saying how are we helping when the Embassy closes at the weekend. Have heard of some where they are only doing stuff for half a day. And politicians sit in Parliament and say we are leading the way!!! My borther and I are very,very different politicaly he’s pretty right wing and I’m just left of centre. I really think I need a DNA test as most of my cousins are the same as brother. Do feel the odd one out sometimes. Though I always manage to destroy their arguments the that litte thing called FACTs. I like to get my information from various news agencies especially those with more reputation i,e Reuters. then shoot their theories down. Brother now knows he’s not going to win with me and he needs to investigate the facts not just read the Daily Mail. (rant over)
Sleeping bit better but still not getting right through the whole night but getting 4 hours rather than 2 before nature calls. Also I’m at least getting back to sleep and get another 3 or 4 hours whereas I was getting to 2 am and that was me. I keep trying to do stuff in the house but there are times when my ankle can be throbbing and painful that just can’t get started. Think I’m going to tackle the bathroom and try get it looking a bit better. Generally once I get going I’m not too bad…it’s just the getting going.
Skynyrd does love a good scratch behind his ears, just closes his eyes and gives a big satisfied groan. :laughing:
So till next time take care
Ken