This community helped me cope after my beloved husband of 33 years suddenly and shockingly died six weeks ago today. Nobody judged, nobody gave advice, everybody could empathise. Unless you’ve experienced it you have no idea of the pain
So, we celebrated my amazing Jon on Friday with an incredible and joyous and miserable and moving service with 12 speakers including three nephews and nieces of whom I was so proud. I gave the main eulogy: 20 mins of love and sadness and jokes and my pride in him. I spent weeks prepping for it. I know that I did him proud. Then a fabulous wake afterwards. Yesterday a house full of family and friends, more memories, more tears, more drinks.
But now what?
The celebration has been my purpose for everything in the last month. I’ve kept going, gone shopping, watered the plants, done the recycling: all the usual chores.
What now?
How do I find purpose? The house is two things Jon never was: tidy and quiet. It’s unbearable.
How do people navigate the nothingness after it’s all over. I have amazing friends but no children.
We just try and keep going. We have to find new things to enjoy and reason’s to keep going. It’s bloody hard things i liked now don’t have the same meaning to me. You make yourself go out but then you come back to a empty house. We all have to find our way but it hurts . This is the price we pay for loving our partner or loved one so much.
It is a cliche but really one day or even one hour at a time is all you can do. I’m taking my own advice and doing this, otherwise it’s too much to contemplate.
I know how you’re feeling. As arduous as the task of organising the funeral was at least it kept us busy and with a purpose for a few weeks, but like you say…now what? When my wife passed away it was Christmas 2020 right bang in the middle of covid and her funeral had to be very low key with a bare minimum of people allowed to attend. It was all so sad, she had so many friends who I know would have been there but as it was it was just me, our 3 daughters and their partners and a couple of her close friends. Then we couldn’t have a wake or mingle afterwards and I just went home and sobbed, and sobbed. I’d done my best for her but due to the restrictions which we now know were an utter farce I couldn’t give her the send off she deserved. Now 4 years+ on I still live in the same house which is far too big for me but couldn;t face moving…just too many memories here. My days are empty, still find it hard to drag myself out of bed and cant see the point of going on without her. Hope you will find yourself a routine to help you through this miserable existence. Take care