After the funeral

Has anyone been ignored or sort of avoided by friends and family members since the funeral of a loved one?

1 Like

It seems to be the thing to do. Only one has been in touch since and I had to give her a call first, Not one of his family have made enquiries, not even his daughters. Oh I forgot one of them did get another person to ring and tell me she wanted something that belonged to her father. She didn’t even have the good manners to call me herself. We all got on just fine for thirty years so I was at a loss to understand them. Doesn’t matter, I now know I can do without them.
So many on this forum have the same story to tell so please don’t let their thoughtlessness upset you.
Think about your own needs now,

1 Like

Oh yes, why I didn’t know but people find it hard to ring or write let alone call and ring the door bell. I think it’s something to do with not talking about death and people not knowing what to say or do, I think we have lost the thought patterns of how to talk to people when someone dies. You never know but with this horrible virus things may change but as they say don’t hold your breath. I lost one or two people who I thought was close but since I can’t be bothered with them I have since made new friends who I hope would be more thoughtful. My only piece of advice is try to be understanding but ignore it if possible, you will have may other things to deal with, if that’s any use at all. Things will change for you and they may come around again.
Blessings S

1 Like

Yes very much so. After my dad died I never saw any of my Dad’s family at all. Sadly a lot of people seem to think once they have paid their respects at the funeral they seem to think that people do not need any ongoing support. You actually need people around you more after the funeral. Stay safe.


Thank you all for your replies. Yes it’s hard to understand what others must be thinking and feeling at a time when you need them the most. Theres a few people that my mum would have been really disappointed in with how they’ve been with me after all this, I haven’t heard anything from anyone, I’ve felt so alone and abandoned by everyone. I would like to think that if it was my friend or family member that it happened to I would try my best to led a shoulder best I could. Even my so called best friend who I spoke with every day without fail has stopped all contact, I’m so annoyed.

You sound so angry and I can understand why, just now with everything that is going on we need our friends more than ever and with your loss as well you need that shoulder. I don’t like giving advice because it is what I think which generally isn’t what others are thinking but why don’t you make the first move and ignore what hasn’t happened, just kind of try rather than let it keep upsetting you. As I said it’s only what I have thought about and to be honest I don’t even know if I could do it in your position but we do all need our friends even if it’s only on the phone. Life seems so hard at present and tonight’s news seems to say that trying to make the best of it is all we can do.
Blessings to each and every one, please be safe and keep well. S

Wonder you are angry this is the time you need your friends to support you. At least you have friends here who will be and are supportive. Some people just never think that grief does not just disappear overnight and I am sorry to say that some do not like to be reminded that we will all pass at some time in the future as deep down we all think we are invincible.
Stay safe and take care xxx

I just guess I really did expect a little more from some people whom I though was considered close friends. Yes I suppose it’s a bit of a strange or sensitive subject for some people to want to talk about and some people may find it really difficult. I’ve not even had so much as a conversation with anyone about anything, it just feels like the few friendships I did have just shutdown suddenly and they no longer want me in their lives now I’m not ‘fun’ to be around at the moment. Feels pretty rubbish! Thanks again for your reply, hope you take care too, xxx

It is awful for you. Some people really do not understand how bad things are when you lose someone you love that is until it happens to them. With the current lockdown situation I know people are more stressed but that is no real excuse not to support you as much as they can. They are actually the losers as the roles will be reversed one day and then they will realise they should have been there for you. Take care of yourself sending love and hugs xx

Thank you so much for your lovely message it really has helped me feel better and that actually they are the ones that one day will need me like I needed them. I’m not like that though and would probably still lend my shoulder for them if they needed it. Sending hugs and love back to you at this difficult time xx

My Mom always said you should never turn anyone if they need your help just a pity some people don’t follow that philosophy. When the time comes you will be there to support them and then they hopefully realise they should have been there for you. Things are so much worse just now because of this lockdown but I promise you that you will get through this and come out the other side stronger than ever but sadly there is no quick fix. Take good care of yourself your online friends are here to support you. xxx

Yes it is shame people don’t always follow the same principles. It is the current situation I think that’s making it much harder with much more time shut up at home to think. Its much harder to keep busy and keep your mind off of things. Thank you for your kind word they really mean a lot to me xx