Yesterday it was my Dave’s funeral. It was one if the hardest days of my life having to say goodbye and the reality that he has gone. I had been so apprehensive about it but i felt myself and his sons did him proud.
I was so lucky a friend came to see me on the evening and it was so good to talk to someone and not be on my own.
Today i feel numb and cant settle after all that rushing around and organising has stopped and i am just left with my thoughts. I have rung the doctors to extend my sicknote where i had to complete an online form andvthe doctor will get back to me. In all honesty how am i going to fill my days without my dave here i have good friends but i feel like i dont want to keep bothering them and my family is close by but i know they have their lives to lead.
I know i need to take each day at a time and i know many of you feel the same it is hard.
My wife’s funeral is Monday - I’m prepared for the day (as in organisation etc), no idea how I will cope on the day
@Cat_fan im sorry for you loss. Its something you never ever want to do and It was one of the most hardest days to get through and it makes it feel so final. I felt like i was in a daze throughout. I found being with people who knew Dave and hearing how loved he was by everyone comforting.
I kept thinking dave would be proud of me.
Please remember that everyone is on here to listen and offer some support in this really sad times x
@Sue338
i am sure he will be proud and watching over you,
I remember writing and reading a eulogy for my mother in 2014 but writing one for my wife was totally surreal - im not sure i can read it though.
I have two beautiful daughters and an amazing sister at my side plus other family and a whole lot of friends but I know its going to be my hardest day yet
@Cat_fan
I wasnt going to write anything as i couldnt put how i felt into words but then i had a strange dream and the words just came out and im so glad i did i wrote it as a letter and the celebrant read it out as i knew i couldnt.
It is good you have your family and friends as they are your support network they will help you through the day.
I had a week where I just made a few bullet points on post it notes- then spent an afternoon converting them into a eulogy for my beloved!
I’m not sure I can read it myself though and have a standby reader instead just in case I block up !
I was with my partner 25 years… it was his funeral last Monday. I found an inner strength and got through it, but now it’s over i feel people think you’re ok and just go back to normal!..i no longer know what normal is!.. we didn’t have children together so I’m home alone now. It’s very lonely, i talk to him all the time…I feel totally alone. I have loads of amazing friends but they all have husbands, partners, children and their own lives. Iv no idea how to rebuild mine x
@Sable
I understand that feeling of feeling totally alone. I have some great friends which im so grateful for. I had a friend here today which is great but im finding when my friends go im very unsettled and its like a black cloud comes over me. I feel like how am i going to do this and rebuild my life.
@Sue338
Ive also been coming to bed at 7.30 to watch tv. I just think what’s the point in sitting downstairs on my own. This time of year and dark night doesn’t help much either.
Let’s hope when spring comes we’ll start to feel a little better 
December 21 is the winter solstice so the nights will slowly get shorter! Just 2 weeks to go and also my retirement day
@Sable
I go to bed early some nights and put the tv on too. I do have my granddaughter living with me but she spends time in her room and most weekends stopping at her friends which i dont want to discourage because i want her to carry on with her life.
I used to love tbe dark nights but now i wish it was the light nights as i could be out in tne garden being busy.