Hello everyone - seem to have lost thread of my last conversations but know you all there anyway! We had Tony’s funeral last Friday (he died December13th but Christmas NY and family commitments made date difficult! Bitter/sweet day - crem plus Thanksgiving service! Crem the worst but short and dignified! But people saying it gets better after the funeral which should give some form of closure but actually the grief almost seems worse - finality and permanence! Awful journey isnt it / dont think I will ever fully recover!!! Family great but at the end of day we have to cope on our own sending love and God Bless Cynthoniaxc
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Hello @Cynthonia,
Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you so it’s easier to find.
Take good care,
Alex
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Thanks Alex x
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Hi Cynthonia.
Yes, after the funeral (it was more 3 months after my mum passed and was the ashes, I went the direct cremation route, I was ill after my mum passed in my arms on the 5th January last year and the only one left of my side of the family and it fell to me in my poor state to make ALL the arangements , I was in no state to deal with a funeral then, neither did I want distant family friends to have to pound the motorway in January with many of them getting on, so I opted for April when others could attend.and I quickly learnt that my mums passing was only the end of the beginning.
The funeral was a good day, the weather was kind, I more or less ran the service myself and did a very detailed eulogy to my mum that was very well received and yes, I did put the odd joke in it about had my dad had he been an electrician he would have made sure my mum was well and truly grounded!!
After the funeral we had a nice lunch and all my mums friends went home, I slept for 12 hours, I had been running on adrenalin and I was surprised how tired I was,
running funerals, like any social occasion, is very hard work, it was the first time in my life I have organised an event all by ny self, it could have been a complete disaster, I think I did very well indeed and my mum would be proud off me, as I said to the church minister, I have never so much as organised the proverbial in a brury, I intended to make the occasion a celebration of her life and I was delighted it had gone so well and I had remembered everything.
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Hi I know that feeling my mam’s funeral was 9th February and I feel so lost and lonely as I feel I’ve actually lost my way in the world, just can’t imagine how I’m going to get over my loss of my best friend ever 
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Pixiecat, know ware you are coming from and our mums are sacred and irreplaceable, but remember they walk with us in spirit, while the body gives up, the spirit and soul does not and they are still with us, but we cannot hear or see them, and we must be forbearing and pationt, for one day we will be reunited with our mums.
In the mean time we must make the best of it, I am 63 and my own family gone know live alone, what is your situation?.
Take up a new hobby/business, I intend to start making candles, perhaps I will be able to hold a candle to life, is this a flame of hope?, a light in the darkness?.
Blessings to you, keep your friends close, you will have dark days ahead, your grief journey is unique to you, get out in the sun for a brisk walk when ever you can, this will raise your serotonin levels and you will feel better, try to think positive and look for the good, yield not to that voice in your head that says you cannot go on, I have been there, and will be there again, for the grief road is a hard and rocky one and sometimes it goes backwards, grief is like a bully, only worse, you can put a knife into a bully, but not in to grief, and know and then it will tap you from behind just to let you know it is still there, and can make your life hell, watch out for that, DON’T give in to it.
Set out to do one job a day and do it, it will give you a sense of accomplishment and purpose, I am still doing that 12 months on.
KBO 
Tim xx
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Hi Tim hope you’re well today, I lost my mam in January and still in the early stages of grief, but determined to make some life changes and move forward with my mam firmly in my heart, you’ve given me a lot to think about, take care 
Hi Pixiecat, may I suggest you get a dog or a cat, it will be company and hopefully bond to you.
Be kind to yourself, while I say do one job a day, DO NOT take on too much at once, it will leave you tired and frustrated and will not help you, remember, little steps, concentrate for now on feeding yourself and keeping the roof over your head, as the weather improves get out into the sun as much as you can, do a little gardening but dont go mad, let things grow a bit to attract the robins, moths and butterflies, that is good for nature and good for you, take your time, there is no hurry, i am still to tackle my garden properly, last year it was my foot (a steel toecap went into it causing cellulitis) know its my knees(down to the rivets) trials of life, you are at the same stage I was this time last year.
Blessings to you, may God preserve you and direct you 
Tim xx
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