@Mimi1975 must be regressing to childhood? Soothing noises 
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I know how you feel, my mum died 12 weeks ago after hospital knew she had blood clots in her lungs and died 15 mins after discharge. I too have been drinking and I know it’s not good and can’t continue but at this moment in time I’m doing everything I can to get through each day. I decoded to go back to work 2 weeks after her funeral, I’m self employed so money was a factor but getting back to work helped a bit as a distraction and lessened the use of alcohol as I had an obligation to be at work. It’s a personal thing but I needed the responsibility of work to get me out of my reliance on alcohol to help me through.
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I’m sorry for your loss and thank you for replying.
I’m so very angry and still off work 
. I work in mental health and I honestly can’t face others trauma at the moment. I’ve significantly reduced the alcohol and I credit a few nights on zopiclone with that as I slept better.
I do need to get back to work, like you say it would likely help with alcohol reduction as I won’t drink the night before a shift.
I’m pleased work has helped you a bit more.
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Thanks for posting Mimi, you are doing so very well to be able to look at how you are feeling and tend to yourself and what you need. I felt the same as you initially, wine saved me helped me cope and sleep.
But now at 11 weeks, I realise that was the first 3 weeks and I am taking care of myself more now. Sleep and feeling good next day is key to me, as working and caring for others have come back now. Those first few weeks are very rough and no one can know what they are like, and what we need, better than us.
When you are back at work it takes your mind off things, you will be making a huge difference in people’s lives when you are ready, and at that stage Pockets of Peace as I call them start to emerge. In my daily meditation and chat with mum more pockets of peace are all I ask for and for her to feel my love, rather than sadness.
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