It’s coming to the 12 month anniversary of the loss of my brother.
I’m finding it increasingly hard to deal with. He was an alcoholic and had been for many years, he’s been through detox many times and would often be absent from alcohol for years. But this time was different, we couldn’t control it for him, as much as he hated the alcohol it had a hold of him.
He finally lost his battle on 24/01/2022 when the police came to my workplace. He died alone in his flat.
Due to circumstances I blame myself for his death as I couldn’t help him any longer.
I’m literally so deflated right now.
I lost my mum in 2014 and I thought that was difficult, but this grief is on another level.
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Hello
I am very sorry for your loss.
Please don’t blame yourself, it was not your fault. He wouldn’t want you to be beating yourself up… be kind to yourself
Sending you lots of love and heeling xx
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I can relate to sone of how you might be feeling. My husband became an alcoholic and died a few months ago. Bereavement from alcoholism feels like a stigmatised taboo to me and it’s such an awful disease as the addiction is so destructive. It!s horrendous watching someone you love fall apart.
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So sorry this happened to you 
It’s very true, he did fall apart and all the help we gave him didn’t make any difference. I was angry, upset, frustrated… all of it, I’d had enough because I didn’t understand why.
Know I just wish I’d of done that one extra thing. ( no idea what the extra thing is…)
I’m gutted he was alone, it makes me so sad x
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I’m angry and feel guilty too. I found an email yesterday my husband sent to me some months ago saying he felt an utter desolation having no sense of purpose. That’s now exactly how I feel which makes me feel hurt all the more for hm being so lost.
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So sorry for the delay in replying. Thank you for your message xx
Heartbreaking circumstances for you, I hope you find some light each day to cope.
The loss of my brother seems to be getting harder as the months pass by. He hated the drink, he hated himself when he drank, but unfortunately it was a battle for many years with him. He was the kindest person even with the drink, but we struggled to help him in the end and it took him away from us. X
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Thank you.
Sorry for the late reply, I just had to get through the last few weeks.
Unfortunately I do carry a lot of guilt around that won’t go away. I have now joined a bereavement coach which is really helping.
Take care x
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Thank you.
Yea it ripped us apart in so many levels. It was the most horrible 3 years we’ve ever had with him. X
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Hi Lynne, I totally get how you feel. I lost my long term partner to alcoholism last year - I found him dead.
I had some counselling not long after my partner died but it didn’t really help. Few months down the line I had CBT therapy for PTSD. That helped with the flashbacks though not so much with the guilt 
I started an online bereavement group for partners of loved ones a few months ago, it’s literally been a lifesaver and still going strong. I’ve been struggling to find a support/peer group for those that have lost loved ones to addiction hence the reason why I also want to start a support group for those of us that have lost a loved one to addiction.
Every bereavement is difficult as you sadly know but there are common factors that make it difficult when we lose someone to addiction - it’s really “shitty” to say the least. Shame, stigma, traumatic circumstances of the death, the suddenness, and experiences before the death, all add to the complexities……
I’m so very very sorry for your loss - there are no words that can take away your pain. Just know there are people who care and understand how you’re feeling. please do let me know if you’d be interested in joining an online peer support group xx
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Aww. I’m sorry for the late reply.
Guilt is awful to deal with, the constant blaming yourself, but like us, you probably did all you could to help. It never seems enough now, there’s always the ‘what if’
I hope you’re ok xx
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Thank you for your reply.
I’ve also just started bereavement group sessions, I felt like I was going insane, I gradually got worse as the months went by. I’m finding it increasingly hard to deal with.
I feel like I need to share my brothers story as he’s ‘not done with the world’ he was too young at 57, but we just could not help him.
Yes please I’d love to be part of your group.
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Oh gosh I totally understand Lynne. It’s been 11 months since my loved one died…since that devastating day the guilt and regret hasn’t lessened one iota 
it’s reassuring to know that you think participating in a peer group would help. I’ve got 3 people so far that are interested too. Could you please DM me your email address when time permits?
You’re not alone xxx
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Sorry I forgot to mention my partner was 52….xx
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I feel exactly the same torture and emotions and feel as if my thoughts are consuming me. I’d like to join any group too.
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I’m so sorry you too feel tortured. I do truly believe talking about how we feel to others that are walking in similar shoes will help. Can you please DM me you’re email address, I’ll “introduce” us lo and make arrangements for our first zoom get together xxx