Alcohol. I fine servant but a terrible master

Carl, your hobesty is wonderful ! Thank you for sharing and thank you for talking to Geoff - I find very interesting that instead of sharing feelings done people decide to introduce a subject like dissertation - or hey present a subject and say discuss it. What is important is their experience and I do thank you for you been able to share with us Sadie x

Carl, you are brilliant
Safie x

No Sadie I’m not brilliant, I’m just a flawed human who has made a lot of mistakes. There is no point in dishonesty, we don’t help ourselves or others by lying.
My soulmate loved me for who I was, warts and all, she knew my past and saw the real me. I spent the best and happiest 21 years of my life with her. She was kind, caring, sexy and gorgeous, she worked as a nurse for 30 years. As she had already earned her angel wings on Earth God decided he needed her early. I’m not completely sure what his plan is for me yet, but I know her spirit lives on in my heart and she watches over me from heaven. She made me a better person and I can’t let her down by being dishonest with myself or anyone else. None of us can help anyone if we aren’t truthful with ourselves.
Prayers and good thoughts, Carl.

Carl, I think you miss understood me. I don’t know you - I don’t know your short comings - all I meant that at that moment you were brilliant by the words you used and the way you said things -
Sadie

Well thank you Sadie, but I just put down the words from my heart.
I thought I was pretty clear about where I’d failed. I was a drunk who abused alcohol, did stupid things and got locked up for it.
I put my life back on track and I’m hoping I have the strength to keep it together while I grieve the loss of my soulmate.
I’m here for support because I am now old enough and daft enough to know I’m not invincible. I hope my words help others who are grieving too. We are all here because we’re smart enough to know we can’t do it alone.
Take care, Carl.

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There was a lot of honesty in this thread and encouragement for those who, for them alcohol may be an issue. All contributors are saying it as it is, their experience and for me I’m uncomfortable that some points made in response are of an unusually personal way. For me I participate to find reassurance and support as I share my own experience of life after loss. Of course we will never all agree, but when responses seem to be ‘targeted’, I do wonder just how much longer I will remain in the group.

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Hi Carl1955
I am not at all angry with Pat. Sadly words on a page don’t project a tone of voice.
However I can sense you have serious issues with alcohol and thats perfectly understandable. Probably that’s the reason you’ve taken my post completely out of context and twisted it around in order to support your current life view point on drinking. I suspected when I originally raised this subject it might become controversial but not to this extent. I actually regret posting it now. However its interesting that many others readers did see the valid points I was raising and responded accordingly. There is a very wise Saying. " Experience is the greatest authority." And we all have our own experiences. I truly wish you well my friend as this will be my last post on the subject.
Love and Light.
Geoff.

I’m sorry you appear to have difficulty understanding Geoff. I have no issues with alcohol, I did forty odd years ago but have since grown up. I’m here because of the loss of my soulmate, grief not booze. I prefer these days to deal with my problems without attempting to escape reality by using mind altering substances.
I made it very clear I only use a small tot of brandy to aid sleep and I don’t do it all the time. I am in full control and do not depend on any substance, legal or otherwise.
Having been there in the past I’d suggest you speak to a healthcare professional concerning your alcohol use as an escape from grieving.

Take another look at my message Geoff and perhaps you should read words correctly. I hadn’t even addressed it to you personally and in no way was it meant to be controversial. I was just saying that I remember this incident of this poor woman. It was pointing out my shortcoming of having any understanding or rather lack of it, at what this poor woman in distress was going through…
I know how sad I feel now for this lady and realise how easy it would be to get into her position and hope that someone helped her. I was NOT aiming anything particularly to you. I just hope that non of the good people on this forum find themselves in the sad situation she did.

Dear Carl, your honesty I’m sure will be an inspiration to many.
Your soulmate did a good job with you and must be very proud of you, you are not letting her down. Her spirit is certainly with you and now you are already helping others she will be smiling down on you and still guiding you and wearing her angel wings. Your experiences can now be put to good use.
God bless you.
Pat xxxxx

… I HAVE TAKEN MORE OUT OF ALCOHOL THAN ALCOHOL HAS TAKEN OUT OF ME Winston Churchill …
if this is the case great .

. If it’s a crutch or a comfort thats ok but take time to make sure you can still walk without the crutch … I’m widowed at 38 with my four and five year old sleeping by me because alcohol took my husband…

Hi Michelle- how are things with you now? Have things become more settled? I do hope life is kinder to you now
Sadie xx

Michelle, so pleased to hear from you again, I am always thinking of you and wondering how you are getting on. I wish I could say and do more to help you.
I only found out later in life that the grandmother I adored was in fact an alcoholic. She was always a happy Nan and I never knew but then why should I, I was only a child when it killed her in her early fifties.
Michelle are things a little easier for you? and how are your children coping?
Do please keep in touch, just a chat might be of help.

Pat xx

Hi pat , Sadie

Sorry I have not been on or in touch I have been really busy I guess that’s a good thing … I started medical admin training 3 weeks ago … it’s a difficult course and it’s been a bit of a shock to the brain cells lol , but as a whole I feel like it’s doing me good … I’ve obviously now committed to it and it will take ten months to qualify so financially things are going to continue to be a big struggle but I’m trying to look at it as a short term struggle for a long term gain … I don’t want to spend my life on benefits and I want my kids to be proud of me … I joke to them that we might have to eat a lot of beans for ten months but then hopefully mummy will get. Good job … the kids are doing well they will actually be turning 6 and 7 in a few weeks … I’ve now managed all the firsts anniversaries birthdays Christmas and a year since I lost him but I can say it’s getting a little easier … people already ask about me moving on finding some one but I’m ok with the fact that it’s me and the kids and I need to put everything into trying to provide a better life for them … I think about you all often and do check in from time to time it’s so sad seeing all the new people and all the new threads … I hope you are both doing well

Lots of love Michelle x

Well done you, I am so pleased to hear that you are training and think it’s the best thing you could do. Give you something to aim for a new beginning if you want to call it that. I am full of admiration and must admit your message is much more positive sounding than it used to be. Your training might seem hard at the moment but don’t give up because it will be so good for you. Meeting other people and getting back out into the outside world. I know I’ve been there. My first husband left us when my children were 18 months and 3 years. I had no job (mothers were not encouraged to work in those days) no money, and he didn’t have a good enough job to keep us having just given up his business. I eventually got child care (not easy then) and found a decent enough job. Fortunately I was trained but just going out to work again did me the power of good. I smartened myself up and although my children were the most important things in my life being in the outside world again made me feel good about myself. I became confident and when my husband wanted us to get back together ten months later I refused. I had moved on, I was coping on my own. We remained good friends though so that was something.
Best of luck to you and keep in touch we all want to know how you are getting on.

Pat xxx

morning Michelle,

so proud of what you are doing, children love beans, but joking apart, the struggles you’ll have whilst training will reap huge rewards once you’re qualified to apply for a really good job, this will help to bring some financial stability back into your life and provide a better future for the three of you.

I know it will never be better in the sense your husband is no longer here, but it will help you to build the different life you are now forced to live.

all the very best wishes for you and your two little ones.

hope today is an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today

blessings
Jen☆

Just read as i have been away from the site for a while. A fairytale ending would be if we all had our partners back and because we can’t we turn to whatever support system we can.
I am fast coming to the conclusion as i watch my support system disappear with excuses that i could end up at risk. I just wish my partner was alive to see it all. I like those at the beginning have no desire to be on this planet yet society will not allow us an escape. They put down other animals though quite happily!

Dear Artemis , you sound quite low. Weekends are harder.
We feel our pain , we feel our loss and at times we have no desires or wishes and that is ok too - but as we go through this awful process we hopefully will feel a bit of lightness
There is always hope
Sadie xx

You do sound like you may be in crisis Artemis, I think we all understand how you feel, we’d sooner go to sleep and never wake up. Using a rail crossing the other day the thought briefly flashed through my mind how easy it would have been to step out in front of a fast moving train, almost as instantly the promises I made to others flashed back, and then what would be the effects of the trauma on the driver. Nothing we do is in isolation.
I’m kept going by the knowledge my partner is still living in my heart and watching over me from heaven. She wouldn’t forgive me if I ended it before my time. I need her to be waiting to greet me when it is my time.
I get my support from church, from strangers I chat with and this site. More recently I have reached out and asked for help, I previously saw it as weakness or failure.
It’s strength to admit we need a helping hand not weakness, and there are plenty of good people who want to help.
I’ve seen my GP and been referred for counselling, I’ve talked with the Samaritans, if you feel you’re in crisis or in danger of harming yourself you can go to A&E these days.
It takes a strong person to admit fallibility, reach out, ask for help. There isn’t a cure for what we’re dealing with, but there is temporary relief from the mental anguish. Don’t suffer in silence alone, ask for help.
Prayers and best wishes, Carl.

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Hi Artemis,

I’m so sorry to hear about you not having a desire to be here any more. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.

I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been
able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out
there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone
about how you are feeling.

The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s
bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to
counselling or other support services in your area.

We offer online bereavement counselling to members of this community.
This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can
attend from home. There’s more information about this service here:
https://support.sueryder.org/bereavement-counselling

You deserve care and support so please, Artemis, get in touch with one of
these services.

If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or
contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

Take care,
Michelle.
Online Community team