Alcoholic dad

My dad has always been a problem drinker, sadly I grew up with it, when he can’t handle stuff, he gets drunk, when my mom was alive, they argued about it constantly, as mom used to go round looking for the bottles to pour them out, :pensive:. Most Christmas & holidays were ruined by it, & it seemed there was always an excuse, pressure of work he would drink, it’s someone’s birthday, have a drink, it’s Christmas, have a drink, someone’s died, have a drink, we’ve got to have a glass of wine with Sunday dinner, have a drink, … & another, & another, & another, till it becomes the whole bottle, then 2, … It used to be that this would happen as binge drinking, usually about 2 or 3 times a year, & always on Christmas :pensive:. But when my uncle passed 2019, it started to become a regular thing, & when mom fell ill in 2020, that was it, he drank every day, as we cared for my mom at home, because it was during COVID, I had the trauma of his alcoholism, & mom’s deterioration, :woman_facepalming:t2: it was horrendous. Early 2021, mom was in the final stages, becoming bedridden, I was absolutely sickened & disgusted by the way he treated her, Infront of the nurses, he would put on this act of being “sociable”, laughing & joking with the nurses, but the second they were gone, he would go back to being the bullying, verbally abusive alcoholic, :worried::sob::pensive::woman_facepalming:t2:, mom had brain tumours that affected her speech, & ability to understand, most days, she would forget words for things, get words muddled, she couldn’t even string a sentence together, & he was yelling at her, she couldn’t defend herself.
After mom passed, I was left with dad drinking every day all day. Gladly I was helped by the wellbeing people, they put me in touch with the charity Mind, they told me about a social group I could go to once a week, it really helped with my mental health to be around people, to know there was people there I can talk to, & they sometimes suggest other charities & services that can help, they suggested the DHI could mediate conversations with my dad if I wanted to talk to him about his drinking. Gladly I met my now boyfriend at this group, he’s been the one who has kept me alive these past 2 & 1/2 years. I remember those days when I first started going to the group, they usually do different activities each week, so one day it might be a quiz, then next week it could be mindful art, & the next week might be board games, & the next week might be book week, & people who want to take some short to read to the group, etc… I would talk to people there, makeing friends, & for that 2 hours, I was happy, I felt safe, but at the end of each session, I was always scared to go back to dad’s house, I was scared of what I was going home to. As I opened the door, the strong smell of alcohol would hit me, & my heart would sink, I would feel nervous & on edge, I didn’t want to go in, but know I had to, I had no-where else to go, :pensive:. Most of the time he was drunk asleep in his chair, or sometimes doing things like cooking, or the dishes, sometimes he would put music on & have it blaring, & when he was drunk he would always call me “oy”, like “oy you, whatcha doing!?”, “oy, where you going?”, “oy, aren’t you speaking to me!?” When he was awake, he would usually babble the same stories over & over, one of them, he was bragging about someone he’d hit when he was younger, long before he’d met my mom, the man he had hit as far as I could see hadn’t done anything to warrant the assault, he may have knowingly or unknowingly of interrupted a conversation, which I guess would be rude, but nothing to warrant an assault like that. I am totally disgusted with my dad, he’s a bullying abusive neanderthal, & I hate him.
The year after mom died, (& I met my boyfriend,) he met his now girlfriend, she ok, we talk amiably enough, he still drinks, though it seems to have calmed down to what it was, though they have had a few drunken arguments, the most recent was only last week, when I asked what happened, neither of them would tell me what it was actually about, so I dropped it, I figured it must of been something personal between them, but about his drinking, his girlfriend said, I quote, “he’s been warned!” Gladly dad sleeps over at his girlfriend’s, so giving me my space at the house, I’m scared that if they were to break up I would be back to dealing with his drunkenness on my own here, :pensive::woman_facepalming:t2: but I know he’ll never change, & there’ll always be another drunken incident, so feel it’s inevitable eventually.

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Hi @Pandaprincess,

Thanks for sharing this with us. Being the child of an alcoholic parent can be so isolating. I’m glad to hear that the support group is helping.

Just wondering, have you ever contacted NACOA? They support children who are affected by their parents drinking. They have a free helpline on 0800 3583456. Al-Anon UK also have support groups for families, too. Sometimes it can help to talk to others who understand :blue_heart:

Hi @Seaneen
Yes, I email with NACOA when I am struggling. Thanks for your response :+1:t2:.

You are not alone in this. Don’t forget that.

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