Hi Foodgiver I lost my son 2 years next month.My late husband and my only child.Everything you say is spot on.I cry each day missing all his loving ways.
Love to all we carry on as best we can xxxx
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Its just a year this month since i lost my only child , and the vision i can’t get out of my head is seeing him in resus after he had died ,and it was horrendous i cry daily , i walk miles everyday to escape my thoughts , nothing works and i am not sure when/ if it ever gets easier , my heart is broken and im sorry for all of your grieving , i look at his pictures and ask why i am still here and he’s not
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Oh Scoobysuzy your lasting vision in your head is same with me wont go away.Being told my son had hours to live sitting with him talking to him and few hrs before he woke briefly and said AM I DYING MUM? God what should I say? I just said no love they are just trying to get you better.Over and over again in my head did I say the right thing?I totally understand your feelings my love to you xxxxx
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Thinking of her last hours breaks me. She knew she was dying, we all knew but I lied to her all the way through, mostly because I couldn’t accept it.
She spent her last hours struggling to breathe and in her very last moments her dad and my sister argued and yelled over who should be there. She opened her eyes. I don’t know whether it was the shouting or because her life was leaving her body either way it was not peaceful and very traumatic.
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I had to make the decision of switching off life support,my son had cerebral palsy and had 158 chest infections in a year at school,I withdrew him and home schooled and his health was fantastic for 9 years till he got pneumonia,the scarring on his lungs from all the chest infections was too much and because of his scoliosis and epilepsy they wouldn’t consider a lung transplant,we spent 5 days in limbo hoping he would get off life support but I still feel guilty even though there was nothing I could do.i resent people who don’t appreciate what they have,the decisions I’ve had to make over the years were tough,over 8 times he was on life support and they wanted to switch off and I fought and he pulled through,I just wish he was still here,half of my heart is here for my son’s twin and sister but a lot of the time i just wish i was in the grave with him.im trying to live a purposeful life doing voluntary work in peters name but still don’t feel needed or truly loved like peter loved me.my husband is great and understands the pain ,im sure you all feel like this sometimes too.i was told it takes 5 years to come to terms with losing a child but i dont think i will ever get over it.
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Oh my love what you your lovely son and family have been through is unbelievable.I dont have any words to give you comfort and to think of the lives our boys should have led makes the pain even worse. Try take all the love and support you can from your hubby and your daughter.No there us no timeline on grief.We know we will never get over it.Just got t get up each day and put one foot in front of the other.xxxxx
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There is no comfort to be found anywhere, my situation was very similar to yours but I didn’t have to make that awful decision and my heart aches for you. My daughter was first diagnosed with cancer at 8 then again at 13. The ‘cure’ caused her final cancer, she died at 21. So I understand the constant fight and the rollercoaster of hope and dismay. Right up until her final breath I prayed the medical world was wrong and she would survive. I have a lot of anger too but no one in particular to aim it at so I blame the world.
I also have another daughter but she doesn’t need me in the way my other daughter did, she had left home and had a life.
It’s only 6 months for me and the thought of another 6months never mind 5 years is destroying.
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MoBe
I have read this post numerous times today and have reflected on what you have put. Here goes on my reflection and I hope nothing offends or upsets you.
You may not recognise that you have made progress, and so many positive things you have done probably without realising it, so here goes😀
You go to the coffee shop, supermarket, M and S food hall ( I love there food)
These are all such positive steps.
Writing your journal is emotional, I cry sometimes when I do mine, but it’s good to get it written down, no matter what we write, it’s private to us and us only. Yes the pain is horrendous but writing can help, it helps me when I read back through my journal…worth a try.
Why don’t you ring your hairdresser, on a day you feel you can, and explain to her how anxious you feel about going to get your hair done. She may be able to offer you an early morning appointment so it’s quieter for you, or have you thought about contacting a mobile hairdresser who could come to you.
Believe me my days are a struggle and I have a very lonely space as well as I find it easier in my own company. I see a few friends when I feel up to it but they understand, but I have also cut so many friends out as they don’t get it.
There is no right or wrong way on this journey and you have to do what is right for you.
It’s no good looking ahead to what we will feel like going into the second year of grief, we don’t know how we will feel, most important we deal with the day we are on. MoBe I’m only writing this as this is my view and I hope it can help in some little way. You can always pm and I’m here for you.
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I think I am most definitely in a different place, the mania of those first weeks/months has eased, but I don’t think any of us really progress. I am still very much in despair of what I have lost and the pain is still very real.
I like to write on here, there is always someone who writes back, writing a diary is all one way! This way I get to share how I feel with others who understand and sympathise without judgement and validate my feelings and emotions as only people who have experienced this hell can.
I hope, in time, I can offer some comfort and advice to those poor unfortunate souls who will walk in my shoes some day but right now I am the one seeking it.
Keep doing what’s right for you and sharing what works for you, it will most certainly work for some other people too and it helps to know there is support from so many very kind very desperate people.
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So true about writing on here, someone usually responds to what we talk about, plus we can learn from others. Take care x
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Your all right,I think writing here is very good for the head because we’re all in the same boat, even if we’re all at different stages and one simple sentence from someone else in the same pain can make a world of difference,it does to me:pray:.
To you all
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I couldnt go to a hairdresser, but having short hair it was hard even harder when in emotional pain i shaved it with the dog clipppers. I found a woman who worked from home for when it had grown a bit, but ended up in tears the 1st as a song came on the radio. Shes now on materity leave so not sure what ill do as cannot face a shop
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It’s so cruel @Taff all the ways losing our children impacts us. I did go and have my hair cut, I cried, she cried and now I won’t go back until I really have to, maybe another year, I don’t care anymore. It didn’t make me feel better, I didn’t feel a sense of achievement, just deflated, empty and most of all sad. Sad because I pushed myself, forced myself to do something, to confront my pain but it didn’t bring her back. So my advice is ‘fuck it’, who needs a haircut anyway? You do or don’t do whatever gets you through the day.
Hi MoBe, not been on here much just been lay low from everything to be honest. It’s my son’s first anniversary on Sunday and dreading it but also trying to block it from my head in a way as I know I will be in pieces by overthinking. Life is shit to be honest and not sure how survive. Are you still going to the coffee shop. I hardly see anyone which I find is easier. Be kind to yourself and take care, big hugs xx
I don’t know what to say to you other than I’m here. You’re not overthinking you’re grieving and you need to do it however it comes. Put yourself first because no one else will be feeling his loss as much as you. If you don’t want to do something or see anyone then don’t.
I tell myself “not now”
That doesn’t mean I won’t ever but it gives me breathing space.
Keep messaging, I know you use your journal but sometimes it’s good to share how you feel on here so you don’t feel so alone xx
More thank you so much for your kind words, means so much. Yes perhaps I need to start off loading on here again instead of complete isolation xx
This is what my daughter has posted:
Today 13th March 2024 marks 5 months since my gorgeous boy Luke-Tyler Thurston was taken from me
]( That’s 21 weeks and 5 days / 152 days without my sidekick. 5 months of missing you desperately, wishing you were by my side (even if upstairs or out in your car, just knowing your heart was still beating). Oh to touch your face again, to give you a hug that I’d never let you go, to see you smile and chuckle the way you did with your head tilt and your beautiful green eyes twinkling , and the ruffle of your dark thick hair and fringe that you chose never to put any hair product on. To hear your voice that was so soothing again as it had matured into its adult tone ![] I don’t really understand why I was supposed to do life without you Luke after you reached almost 21 years, you are the child I was blessed with and the child that should still be by my side making your continual plans to move out and broaden your horizons. The house is empty and cold without you and everyday I am trying to still honour you or tick off the list something to do with you to have your presence still fill this house.
My heart aches for her (and our) loss and for everybody who has lost a child.
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My heart hurts for you all,this is exactly how I feel,I miss my son every day,one of my daughters friends died last week at the football in Lisbon and it’s resurfaced all the hurt,I’m back to crying all the time and feeling pain for the mum of another young one that should still be here,I just keep thinking why? I am so resentful of all the horrible people left in the world when there’s so many good children taken away from us
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Yeah you should, Even if it is only a rant,we all know your pain and I’m sure we’re all in a bit of isolation.even with a house full of family I still feel alone,I don’t socialise and spend my time either at the gym or cemetery,the gym because I have so many happy memories of spending time with my son in the pool,I don’t talk to anyone and keep thinking I’d be better with my son because noone would miss me anyway,I feel like you all know how I feel even though we don’t know each other 
You sound like me in a way exercise is a form of relief, that’s what keeps me going. I’ve isolated myself so much it’s not healthy but it’s an easier option I think. I have my son’s first anniversary on Sunday, still broken from it, although I do have good days along the way.
Take care x