All those Plans....GONE

Hi, I lost my wife just a few days ago, been married 15 years. I’ve reading what people say say, no-one understands unless it’s them. I’m just sitting in complete silence at the moment, still processing everything.
my wife & I went absolutely everywhere together, even if it was just to get a loaf of bread to the local shops. It might have been like 90’s outside, windows & doors open to air and keep the house cool, but we shut everything up just for less than 5 mins, now…i just keep looking to my left and nothing.

We had so many ideas and plans to do…gone…

I know it’s time we need but in the moment…its cruel


I know how you feel, I lost my wife 6 months ago after 40 odd years.
When they go they take your whole future with them, I am trying to convince myself that my wife is ok and out of it and although I miss her like hell I am grieving for my lost life and future.
I am trying to build a new life for myself and you must too.
It’s early days for you mate,I hope you have supportive people around you to get through these days and when the shock of what has happened subsides you can look at the more practical things.
Try to remember this, you wife is gone but is ok, concentrate on yourself.


I know how you feel,I lost my beautiful wife 5 weeks ago to Acute Myeloid Leukemia 7 weeks after she was told. Like you my life was built around this amazing person to the exclusion of everyone else. I didn’t need anyone else but sadly that now leaves me going through this almost alone,truth is if I had friends and family to provide support I’m sad to say it wouldn’t help.
The pain of loss,the silence,the split second moments when I can’t fully grasp that she has gone and yes,I often look to where she would sit on the sofa and she isn’t there,it’s worse because she never will be.I call our landline to hear her voice,so many many things that cause terrible pain all day and every day I just don’t know how people get through it but they do.
This to me feels like insanity,I can’t make sense of it and losing my wife has taken away everything about me,honestly I know how you feel and I send you my support in knowing the suffering you are going through.
Advice ? I don’t have any,it’s too soon for both of us and most people on here but I just hope and pray that if there is a God I will feel better at some point,I hope you will too.


Thank you for your reply.

It’s just days for me, but house is dead it’s her and hers everywhere, but I feel its the torture that I can’t leave either. It’s like if stay away in betraying her.

All the sorry for your loss, give it time… Shut up is now that matters.

I lie to everyone when I say I’m sleeping when I not. Stupid as it sounds the middle of night it’s the best time for me… Completely alone but no messages, phone calls I just get to sit in the dark taking to her for hours… I know we all deal with things in our own ways, but tried to explain to family this is how I want to cope.

I still can’t grasp anything, and even to think in weeks time, I’m aware there’s stages of grief with no timescale but even so.

The one thing that I hang on, his in her last few hours, she said to me she felt loved… & live for her… Alway told me off or whatever to do

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I’ve been reading a book recently from the library “Beyond Goodbye”. I really recommend it. A superb book for anyone dealing with grief.

There are some fabulous words in the book.

Here’s just one quote:

“People often ask me when the missing them will end. The answer is simple: never. Sometimes this makes me feel like the bearer of bad news, but it is actually a gift. Why would anyone want the missing them to end? If you didn’t miss them, it would mean you were glad they had left, and of course, you would never feel like that. So why is missing them a gift? Well, for me, the missing them shows the world and myself that I loved them endlessly. It shows that they left a huge space in my life that can never and should never be filled by anyone, as only they can fit that exact space. It also shows one other important thing - it shows that they mattered then, they matter now, and they will always matter.”


We all seem to lie to our families to protect them. I sleep ok but I take pills. I love and miss him so much and I’ll never stop. I want a hug but only with him. Please please someone help me xxx

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I’m having to tell half truths all the time, I know they dont believe me, but at the same time dont question me.
I’m not sleeping in our bed, not sleep, when if I do try I’m in the grandkids bottom bunk bed, It was just me and my wife no-one else, this house is my wife, everything. Just found yesterday cause the death…it would have put a super fir person down, but she fought.

I have done a eulogy for her, but got carried away Microsoft Word 7 pages… I have no idea how I’m going to read that, but can’t let anyone as it comes from me, having someone read it out loud would seem like an alien.

helpless despair… i read so much its get better but no timescale…just as well cause I just don;t way just way to go

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Mate, I feel for you,my wife died suddenly in the house and at first the place was one big bad memory,the first night after she died I slept,not slept, in our bed, the next day I had a bath in the bath where she died, you have to ask yourself, would she want you to be like this.
My house is a building where I survive, not a home, the person who made it and kept it a home has gone, I’m 6 months into this now and some days I feel slightly optimistic for my future but it’s a long slog.
Stop not telling your family how you feel, there is no space in grief for tough guys,you need their support like you’ve never needed it before.
When things get bad and I feel that I cannot carry on I tell myself that I HAVE NO CHOICE and force myself to keep going
Good luck mate.


Justinuk777 and Bootsie

Sorry about your pain. It’s horrible, my husband passed 15 months ago and it’s just like being in a bad dream and I’ve had about enough of pretending I’m ok.
I used to look round the house and love our home, now it’s just a place.
Wish Carl was here leaving clothes and towels on the bathroom floor, splashing the newly polished bathroom mirror, using every utensil in the kitchen to make a sandwich, making a mess in the sitting room just by being there! It’s too tidy!!! God where is he? :cry:


I loved going for a walk and feeling alone knowing that she would be there when I got home, she would be washing or cleaning up and would tell me off for leaving hankies in my jeans or shoes in the hallway, I always smiled to myself when she did that.
None of us know for certain where our loved ones are


Youare unbelievable
Thankyou for that i hadnt thought of it like that . I’m going to see if my library has a copy of that book.

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I lost my partner of 13yrs 9 weeks since suddenly after being diagnosed with a large aggressive brain tumour, sometimes I don’t know which way to turn. I retired at Christmas and had taken a casual carer job at a day centre for dementia working alongside my partner Christine. I put it on hold till 2 weeks since and returned to coaching cricket and crown green bowling, these activities help so much but when I return home I’ve no one to talk about my day, my games, just no one. I keep saying it but even when I’m not alone I feel alone if that makes sense. I hope we all find some solace chatting to each other, it helps letting it out for me anyway.


Yes like you.l used to love going for a walk & using the exercise machine with my head phones on in the Park.knowing he would be at home on his game & when l came back.l would have a go at him.l miss that so much.sorry for your loss.


Hi Ava, thanks for your reply and hope you’re getting back into your activities, just to give yourself something to focus on. It’s bloody tough but we try to be positive because I know Christine wouldn’t want me moping about but not easy is it x


Hi Justinuk777

Sorry about your wife, yours is a very raw one, I lost my husband 16 months ago. Please forgive me if I’ve contacted you before my head is all over the place and I should make notes but keep forgetting. Laughable really.
Life is shit when you lose your soulmate, the one who always knew what you were trying to say and vice versa. No words needed just a look, a secret smile and a kiss.
Yes I’ve wanted to die but cancer will be taking care of that but my worry is my dog.
Don’t know what to say as they haven’t a pill for this. You are welcome to private message xx

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