Coming up for almost 2 years since i lost my husband and still feel like i am in the dark and stumbling through this horrible life. I feel worse now then i did this time last year feel so low and unmotivated for anything just wish this pain would stop.
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Why do you think that is? It’s a year today for me. I thought I’d be ok as it’s just another day without them in my opinion but as I woke up I’m surprised at how low I feel. It has brought back a lot of painful memories of this time last year.
I heard somewhere that year 2 in someways is worse than year 1. In the first year you’re kind of stumbling around trying to get through the days and all the big 1st, whereas in the 2nd year it’s the blow that this really is forever and they aren’t coming back xx
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But could it not be said, that it will only be as miserable as you allow it to be?
I heard the two year thing but also witnessed that not being the case. I’ve also witnessed people finding love again, where others swear they will never do that. We are all different, with differing opinions etc. Everyone should do what is right for them. I just feel society spent help at times, I think everyone expected us to wear black and stay indoors sobbing.
One thing death of my partner has taught me, is life’s for living, tomorrow is not guaranteed, tbf nor is this afternoon. In an instant it could all be over.
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Hi @Lisefin , I totally get how you feel . Its just over the two years for me .how on earth did I get this far. I still yearn and ache for my husband every single day . And love him more and more as each day / month/ year passes. I know I must try and live this life I have left without him , but I really don’t know how , I have my kids and grandkids and work , what I know I’m fortunate to have . But I just miss having that one person that knew me better than I know myself . I miss being loved unconditionally and I miss the not being special to someone. I just miss my husband . I hate thinking of him as my past. I want him to be my present my future. But cancer took my happy life away .all I can do is try to keep going .sending you a hug xtake carex
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I get where you are all coming from. I lost my husband in June last year. It was an out of the blue heart attack and I found myself doing CPR. I didn’t have time to say goodbye and that hurts so much. Last Sunday should have been our 40 wedding anniversary, and though I should be grateful for the 38 years we had together I still feel desolated that he died when he was only 63 and had not long retired. Like everyone says, I miss the person who knew me best, we were a team, we were happy doing things together. I feel my family think I should be getting on with life, but it’s so hard. I’m dreading New Year because I won’t be able to say he only died last year. I do tell myself that he would want me to get on with and enjoy life, but I don’t want to find anyone else. The thing I’ve been able to do is to share some of his pension pay outs to our children which we had talked about after retiring and I’ve also given presents ‘from him’ to his brother and their family. I can feel him smiling and being happy about that, which is a comfort. I do realise that I’m lucky to be in a position to give these gifts and it has brought me some joy. Yes, the second year seems harder to me partly because other people are moving on and I’m not there yet. But whether I’ll ever be at peace about him dying the way he did is something I can’t imagine right now. It’s still one day at a time. Love and care to everyone here, to be able to share together means so much xx
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@JanieM , thank you for your reply, sometimes I think there is something wrong with me ,I think I’m some sort of freak , I can’t " move on" the way people think I should, your so right in your words , we were a team , did everything together, so happy just being together, comfortable, at ease ,didn’t have to try. So what am I suppose to do with this life ,he was the only life I knew, the only life I wanted, I know I have to try , but I don’t know how to yet, maybe one day I might figure it out . But thank you it does help to know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Sending hug xtake carex
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Am.sorry for your loss i hope today has been kind to you in some small way. Yes I think you are right about the 2 year thing i keep thinking i cant believe its been to years since i saw him and this has got suddenly very real. I hate this life we have been dealt its just too hard.
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I know I will never find anyone else or even look to be honest. Yes tomorrow is never promised. I am trying to navigate this life but some days hurdles will be hit sadly. Its easier to say life is worth living but sometimes when you feel you have nothing to live for its hard be positive even in a small way
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I definitely feel worse in my second year then the 1st. Yes its not being able to share anything with the one person who you need the one person who got you. There was only me and Neil we didnt have any children and apart from my sister there’s no one else i can talk too. People think oh 2 years you should be over it now but i dont think i will ever get over it. Tomorrow is another day so hopefully it will be better one for us to deal with.
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I am sorry for your loss. Yes i lost Neil very suddenly one minute he was talking the next he was gone a catastrophic bleed on the brain he was 49. I know people say he wouldnt want me to be this way but i think unless you have been in our situation they really dont understand. Its the loniless that effects me the most but i guess tomorrow is a new day. Love and kindness to you all that need it today.
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I feel I don’t have anything to live for I have lovely friends and family but they all have someone to go home to. I don’t.
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I know how you feel i hate this new life im fed up of pretending 10 weeks in im trying so hard but its so lonely x
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Hello @Lisefin
Just wanted to let you know, that I know how you feel. It will be 2 years for me in November and I’ve been giving myself a hard time of late that I’m not feeling ‘better’ than I thought I would having reached this awful mile stone.
I read a very good article by a lady called Karen Sutton The Widow’s Coach online and I cried throughout as she just captured how I was feeling at this stage completely. It was on her blog… if you look at her website. There are lots of interesting free articles… she has been where we all are so gets it completely.
I hope it might help a bit.
With hugs x
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Thank you for your reply, yes i thought i would be feeling better at this point. It makes me feel better its not just me . Thank you i will give it a read.
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I found the loneliness the hardest i still do. Its early days for you so be kind to yourself i wont say it gets better it doesnt we just learn to live with it sadly x
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Yes ok when your in company its when you go home and are alone that its worse. Then your head takes you to places you would rather not be x
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Hi everyone, it’s me again. Just wanted to tell you about what happened after my husband died so suddenly. So, I had to move when my husband died because I was stranded in the countryside with ill health and our dream retirement home which had an acre of garden that I couldn’t possibly manage. I agreed with my friends and family that I had to move and put on the ‘brave face’ as everyone here knows. Well I can tell you all that I hated moving, hated leaving where my husband had died and hated all the huge decisions that I suddenly had to make by myself. I couldn’t say that to my family and friends who were being so kind and helping me, but I was either desolate or furious and resentful about it all. I’ve now been here 5 months in my new house and it’s 16 months since he died. But life does have a way of making you face up to things - I’d had to go for a hospital appointment by hospital transport last week and it was all very long winded and inconvenient when suddenly I was faced with travelling back with a lady who had dementia and was wailing to go home and obviously confused and frightened. She was also saying (shouting actually) all the sorts of things we think but never say about being kept waiting etc etc as well as using some pretty colourful language! So anyway, as you can imagine, I was quite taken up with all of this and was going from feeling so sorry for her to thinking will I never get home? When I eventually got back and was putting my key in my front door I suddenly realised that for the first time in 5 long months I felt I was glad to be at ‘home’. But yes, since that trip last week I’ve still cried myself to sleep and missed my husband so much each and every day, but I do know now that things can get a little better when you least expect it. That poor lady who didn’t know where she was taught me how to look at my house as a home. I hope you don’t think I was a bit shallow reacting the way I did, it wasn’t clear at the time who was her carer being faced with someone who was raging around the place was a bit alarming. Anyway, I still feel the same sadness, not knowing how to get on with my new life as a single person after 38 years of being in a team and all that goes with it, but I suppose what I’m saying is that I never thought I’d look at my new house as a home but I was wrong. So maybe things will get a little better in time, I’m going to try to cling on to that when the black cloud descends and makes my life so pointless. Love to you all, hope you get your moments of peace too. xx
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This is wonderful, thanks for sharing!
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What an absolutely encouraging comment,thank you.