I lost my Dad on 27th October 22.
Doing Christmas and my dad’s 60th birthday was new years eve.
I went to the grave on his birthday but that’s is the only time I have been.
The funeral was very hard. My sisters at the end of the night had an argument. My eldest sister was screaming and shouting it was horrible. I tried to console her.
Christmas day there was another fight. My family was talking about dad and he had the odd trouble in the past but I don’t think its the right time to talk about anything bad after we have just lost him. My sister had a fight with my mum and shouted at my younger sister when she came to help.
I got my eldest sister home after a few hours of crazy behaviour. At this point now nobody is taking. Nobody will take any responsibility especially my mum. Not that my. Eldest should have done anything physical.
My eldest sister has then had problems with her 10year old struggling with the grief and problems anyway. He had a crisis team doctor and I’ve had to help her.
My younger sisters best friend mum also died and that triggered her.
I have choose not to drink at the moment cause I am struggling managing my feelings day to day. That’s why I was able to navigat this.
This weekend we had my grandads 90th birthday my mums dad and it was very tough. I’m normally a social person and I hardly spoke to anyone. Which made me realise how much effort I make with my family and how little they make with me.
I feel like I am managing all my families feelings and I cannot tell you how broken I am. I want to be there for them, but it’s tough. I work full time and I have gone back to work in December and had to travel this month. I feel like my chest is being crushed all the time. I’ve put a lot of weight on. I cannot get out of bed when I don’t have anything to do out of the house. I’m just crushed the person I would talk to about all this family problems would be dad and now he’s not here.
I feel like it’s not fair and I was the closest person to Dad and I feel like my grief is being stolen from me. I wish he was here and I wish this wasn’t happening.
I feel horrible but I’m angry at my mum for not being considerate. I approached her about this and how I was feeling managing all this - her response was - “now you know how I feel”. Which is not true as she didn’t loose a parent like this and have all this to manage while being heartbroken and working full time. It’s just frustrating,
I love my mum but at the funeral she said the next day. (context I detested being there I thought it was an awful day) she was like the funeral was nice I liked that everyone talked about Gary too (who was her brother who passed away) which I thought was really insensitive. It wasn’t about Gary.
I just have a lot of feelings and trying to keep it all together and I don’t think its fair anymore.