I lost my partner almost 5 years ago in a car accident. I’m stuck in grief and I feel so alone because everybody expects me to be ‘over it’ or ‘moved forward’ so I don’t have anyone to talk to because I can’t be honest about how I’m struggling. Every time I’ve tried to talk about my grief I get really well meaning responses from people but I just end up feeling angry and sad. Everyone talks about building a life without him but I don’t want a life without him (please don’t panic I’m not going to hurt myself, just suffering). So I’m not really living my life, I’m just paralysed daily by my grief and I don’t know how things will change when I feel so defeated and done. I’ve heard so much that grief gets easier with time or that ‘it changes’ but It feels just as brutal as the day I found out he was dead. And to make things harder I’ve just lost one of my best friends and her funeral is at the same crem his was at and ever since I have been in a highly anxious state, just the thought of returning there. It traumatised me the first time. Christmas has been tough I lost a further two friends though I was not as close so I can at least deal with those a little better. They were all young deaths so I am now struggling with this impending sense of doom, worrying that everyone I know is going to die. I’m not really sure what I’m hoping for in posting this, I guess I just need to be amongst those who understand
Hi yes I’m feeling that it doesn’t get any better it’s seventeen months for me, xmas was a terrible time for me and when people ask if you’ve had a happy Xmas I notice they don’t want me to be honest and say how miserable I feel, how it rakes up painful feelings and how I’m glad it’s all over, it’s all pretense, I’m amazed that people think you can ever get over such a massive loss and I sadly realise that my friends are full of couples so how could they ever understand and maybe I need to mix more with people that do, at least on my own I don’t have to pretend and sadly I’m starting to realise this I’m better off in my own company, so sad for us all
So sorry you have gone through SO much. Nothing can make it easier but I hope you will find that here people do at least understand as they have all been through similar losses.
I know I have found that losing my husband is a whole different ball game to any other grief I have experienced.
Sending you love. xxx
@MAB
Yes, how could Christmas be happy? We got through it here but that’s the most we could say about it.
Hugs x
Hi, just to let you know that you are not alone with your feelings and I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m 4 years down the line and still feel the loss of my husband who had two different cancers although it’s not as raw as it once was. Unless well meaning people have been through the ordeal they don’t have a clue to the anguish we feel. There are lots of threads on this caring site that have recalled some of the unhelpful remarks that have been made to them… My last one was ‘never mind you may find somebody else’. Didn’t know whether to laugh or cry I just said ‘what after Pete, I don’t think so.’ So I now avoid couples.
I haven’t been to a funeral since Pete’s as I don’t think i would cope very well so I
won’t put myself through it.
Christmas for lots of us had to be got through again and many of us relieved when it’s over.
I dread Valentines day as that was our lovely simple wedding day nearly 50 years ago…
Not sure if any of this helps but once again you are not alone with your thoughts.
Keep posting.
Love Jenny x
Think this is what scares me the most…that after years i will still feel the same void in my heart and life as i do today…i havent found anyone who can relate through experience or empathise through friendship… ive been put to one side and thats pretty rough i had hoped my so called friends would help me not ditch me…end of day the only man who ever loved me or understood me is gone and i cant replace him now or ever…once in a lifetime…i feel for you…losing your partner is like nothing else…life is empty stuck in rewind…i find it hard to find the words to say how deeply sorry i am for your loss how i understand your pain…like losing part of your own soul isnt it…my dad died 6 yrs ao and i still remember him every day and miss him very much so i know the road is long and lonely and painful x
I feel your pain, I hear it too.
I lost my partner four years ago this summer and people are expecting me to “move on”. You don’t move on, you move forward but it is so hard. You take one step one at a time, one day at a time. Be kind to yourself but it’s a process, and a long journey.
I am still emotionally hurt about what happened to my partner as we had a life built together. People say he wouldn’t want me to be sad but again, I find that difficult. Here if you want to talk x