Almost a week without him

Tomorrow will be one week since I lost my husband of almost 30 years. It was not expected and very sudden. His health wasn’t the greatest, but he was making progress. He had a major stroke 15 years ago and was on dialysis, which didn’t make matters better, but I thought we had so much more time to spend together. My family immediately flew in on the day he passed, and it was a comfort having them here, but they have since gone back home (save my mom, who is here until Sunday). Even in a room full of people, I feel so alone and I am heartbroken.

I miss the little things: him being here when I got home from work. Hearing the coffee grinder and him bringing my coffee in the morning. The texts messages throughout the day. Saying “goodnight, my love.” Nights are so long and lonely and it’s hard for me to sleep.

Part of me is happy that he is no longer in pain and is in a better place, waiting for us to be reunited again one day. He always told me that he had made a deal with God: God could take him away, but in exchange, God would leave me alone. I guess God kept his end of the bargain.

I know that this will be a long process and I have to give myself time and grace. I am planning on returning to work next week because I need to go back to my routine. The thought of staying here alone terrifies me, so it’s back to the things I used to do before, only this time, I have no one to share my days with. I am glad we have this supportive community and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one going through this, even though it feels like it. Thanks for reading.

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I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband, @Gigi_C. Thank you for reaching out here - I’m glad that you are finding the community to be a support to you.

I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts, but I just wanted you to know that you have been heard and you are not alone.

Take care
Seaneen

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Hou are definitely not alone. We are all in thus same boat together.
Im struggling, i miss my beautiful wife so very much. I feel her with me and Im making her proud of me every day. We will meet again soon.

Take care

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