Hello,
I lost my wife of twenty years on April 12 of last year and since that time my life has been like a bad dream. I still do the things that must be done to carry on, and try to do the things that I always enjoyed but the problem is that there’s no spark anymore.
I know it’s the same world as it was a year ago and yet it’s completely different. I still live in the same house and sleep in the same bed but somehow it’s not the same house and same bed. It’s like all of the color has faded, leaving a shell of what was once my perception of life.
I thought that with time that the colors would return. That life would once again seem normal but sadly, this is not the case. At least not yet. I spent last summer creating a memorial garden in my backyard for my love, and now I hope I can find the strength to go out there and live among the memories that I both cherish and fear for I never know what those memories will do to me.
I know this is a journey and I’m learning that it’s a long one. And learning I do. The key is not to be surprised like I was on her birthday. I didn’t think that day would bother me emotionally, but sometimes the brain has other ideas. Now I just kind of keep my head down, always thinking of the next thing that might hit me out of the blue so that it doesn’t surprise me.
My heart goes out to anyone who has to experience this. Grief seems like such a personal thing even though I know that thousands and thousands feel this same thing every day. I know that someday I’ll come out on the other side of this and that when I do I’ll know that I’ve grown somehow.
But until that day, I think I’ll seek some support. Thanks for listening.
