Almost one year

We are approaching the anniversary of my son’s death. The shock of the early months had gone and I now feel things, painfully. I ask why, who I’m asking I don’t know. I find everything these days is bittersweet. People are so kind it’s incredible yet I’m sad they need to be. The support is needed yet I just want to turn the clock back and have my son. We organised a fundraiser for charity in my son’s memory and we have raised £22,000 to date. It shows how well thought of he was by everyone yet it makes me ask why was he taken. He had so much to give, the world would have benefited from him being here yet he was taken. I miss him so much. Love to all who are on this journey to xx

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WHY…it’s a question I ask myself everyday and there is no answer…It’s now eighteen months since I lost my son,and I feel guilty for living a life that should have been my son’s…Part of me when with him when he died and it will be with him forever… I love and miss him so much.
Thinking of you…Marina xx

Orchard your funraising is commendable. Well done. I haven’t really done anything useful in 10 months. Just survived.
Marina I so understand your guilt at having a life.
Today is my daughter’s birthday and I have received some kind messages. I perhaps should have arranged something but I haven’t.
In many ways I still can’t believe it really has happenned. I look at little children, the centre of their parent’s universe, and I think ‘how can you lose them?’ What is it all about?
For me I know that everything I feel is as any parent would feel. It is normal yet unbearable at times. What I cannot get by is the loss of our children’s futures. Their futures belonged to them and is their greatest loss. Sorry for the jumble of thoughts. Love and hugs to everyone on this horrid journey. X

I’m so sorry for your loss. I had to comment because everyone you said it’s exactly the same for me. It’s so hard. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Hope you find a way. If you ever do please point me in the direction. Stephen.

Nearly 4 years for me. it’s easier in some ways . James my other son, needs and loves me . Unexpected things set me off . Photos in a drawer , an old father’s day card . Seeing 2 sons with their parents anywhere . But I don’t want to forget him so it’ll have to be like this and I think I can manage most of the time .

Orchard just to let you know you are in my thoughts this month. X

Matella thank you so much. It’s messages like yours, unexpected, that mean so much. To know someone I have never met is thinking about me is an incredible feeling. I have realized this year just how kind and caring people are. It will be one year on Sunday from my lovely son died. A year of such pain and yet lovely experience’s to. It’s so hard to believe that I haven’t spoken to him in so long. I’d give everything I have for another hour with him. So many of us know that pain. Love to all xx

How are you Orchard?
I hope you got through Sunday as best you could.
With love xx

It’s lovely to hear from you matella, thank you for thinking of me. We went yesterday and put a cross at the scene of my son’s accident. There was various flower arrangements already there, it was lovely that others had gone there too. Tonight we have the £23,000 raised to the charities. It has been a beautiful evening, emotional. Listening to his friends talking about him I can only say I’m a very proud mum. How are you matella? I know it’s now about getting through each day rather than living and enjoying life. My son loved life and I don’t know why still here and he is gone…xx

It’s lovely to hear from you matella, thank you for thinking of me. We went yesterday and put a cross at the scene of my son’s accident. There was various flower arrangements already there, it was lovely that others had gone there too. Tonight we have the £23,000 raised to the charities. It has been a beautiful evening, emotional. Listening to his friends talking about him I can only say I’m a very proud mum. How are you matella? I know it’s now about getting through each day rather than living and enjoying life. My son loved life and I don’t know why still here and he is gone…xx

Thinking of you Orchard. I know this has been an incredibly painful time for you. I understand wanting to turn back the clock and have your precious son back with you. I do not have a child, and have not walked in the shoes of a grieving parent. The closest I came was when I was referred to as “The Little Mother” when I practically raised my sweet younger Sister, now also gone. My heart goes out to all who are suffering this tremendous heartbreak. Your fundraiser will be a lasting tribute to his memory. You channeled your grief into something so important and far reaching, and he would be so proud of his lovely Mum. Take care, and know there are many who care, and will be here for you.
Xxxx, Love & Peace, Sister2

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