Hi everyone,
I just want to ask a daft question ?
It’s week 22 for me tomorrow. In this time i spent the 1st week on my own,phone calls everyday but nobody came. My family and friends live over 100 miles away. I thought someone would come up. Luckily one of Sue’s friends went with me to register office. I had to go to the funeral directors on my own. A week later someone came up and took me to one of my sisters, as it was my Dad’s funeral that week. I stayed down for about 4 days,but i had to get home to sort things out. So i came home to an empty house. Nobody came up until Sue’s funeral in February. So fast forward i have had counselling and i go to a bereavement coffee morning. The phone call if i am lucky maybe once a week. I don’t like to pester people. I have not seen any family and friends since Sue’s funeral. The neighbours who said they would check on me don’t.
So my question is does this make grief harder . I know people say they feel alone even with support.
Apart from on here thank you everyone.
Hi @Nightwish1 Yes, being alone does make grief harder. The memories become stronger in an empty house with no link to other human beings. I had lots of calls and drop ins when my husband passed away aged 52. Now, three months on, the phonecalls are sparse apart from my best friend who phones daily.
The bottom line is, the company we crave is that of our partner. The one person we would get comfort from is not here.
You’re doing all the right things - more than I’ve done to help myself.
This forum has been a godsend. You can message me any time.
Warmest of hugs.
P
So,so sorry about the lack of contact
Kate
Hi lonelyplanet,
Thank you, its just the lack of motivation, i should be doing housework now but i am just thinking whats the point. I will do it. 5 months in and i don’t know if its reality hitting. The coffee morning are good, but i think I’m the youngest at 57.
Take care
know how you feel 2yrs 9 months on and so lonely limited contact with people and sit alone all the time i have lost any drive i had left cannot do anything even simple things like cooking cleaning etc are an effort so the answer to your question i am sorry to say is yes
KateTr,
Thank you but you have nothing to say sorry for. You like other people on this site help a lot.
Nightwish1
You sound exactly the same as what i have experieced.I was very thankfull my boss came wuth me to the undertakers for support and if i needed any help.I had to go to the registrar alone which was very difficult and upsetting.Once i had informed my wifes relatives-she does not have many, what had happened a few phone calls up to the funeral.After the funeral hardly any at all.A couple of cousins rang for a while now apart from a cousin on my dads side who rings about every 2 weeks nothing.I only have cousins we had no children i have no brothers or sisters.Friends only work colleagues.Bereavement coffee mornings only seem on a friday but im working weekdays.Like you i dont like to pester people.the neighbours are like your neighbours they said they would check on me.Nothing.I think it does make grief harder.It does from my personal persective.I often would like to physically talk to someone tell them how i am feeling.Ask them how they are if they are in a similar situation.This site is very good and has been a good comfort for me.I dont know what i would do without it and there ars some lovely people on here.but at times you want to physically “talk” to someone neighbours friends relatives.I really can understand what you mean.Take care
Brummy,
It’s horrible, all i have wanted is to sit down with someone else ,who knew Sue have a coffee and talk about Sue. Face to face. I have sent out a couple of s.o.s but got nothing back. I just feel so mentally tired.
As you know i spoke to a friend? Last night who had promised to come up this month and now is not. To be honest it hurt, but i expected it. I don’t like to think where i would be without the kind people on this forum.
Nightwish1
You are feeling exactly like myself.When i went into the church in Chester last saturday i didnt know if i would be able to see a vicar.Luckily i did.I am not over religious but i like to believe we hopefully will meet again one day our loved ones.I spoke to the vicar and most importantly he “listened”.I told him how i felt he didnt try and "convert " me or anything like that but he genuinly listened.He took an interst in me and asked about my wife.How we met.How long had we been together.What we liked to share in our life together.He also prayed for my wife and i.It did help me.Then went to Tesco shopping came out and burst into tears.But having that person to sit down and talk to one to one did help me.LIke you i feel mentally tired, physically and emotionally tired too.I tell my wife"i dont know how much longer i can carry on without you"its such a struggle.Even 4 months have passed i still cry alot.Take care