Alone and very low

Hi and love to all… not sure other msg got through on other thread??..layout has changed since used this supportive site…I’m really struggling and even searched ways of how to end life…I lost my beautiful special susie Hope saviour therapist in fur and she was all had in whole world… its haunting me the images in my head of finding her unexpectedly and suddenly passed.i walked up to her to find my world dead…I screamed and screamed…and my mind keeps replaying these images …susie Hope was my reason…I loved her so much she was the link to my mum who lost to terminal cancer …only 3! I feel awful about saying I just want to be with them because I know life is fragile and precious and people on here will have lost those like my mum to terminal illness who would so want to be here … so I feel awful about that …yet I just feel this unbearable pain that cant cope or live with…the home has become just a house …a mess…everything a mess…susie Hope got me through ptsd depression anxiety etc she was therev24/7 365 since lost mum and now I’ve lost her I’ve lost everything…I dont want to live with pain and these replay of finding susie Hope saviour my world just dead…its haunting me .I already have ptsd twice over …I’m.so alone…everybody in village has had family over Christmas I’ve been completely alone…nobody…this pain is unbearable mum now my beautiful special therapist in fur she was like my soul mate…such a beautiful cuddly loving dog .we best friends did everything together. It’s too painful.

Hi Tray, I’m so sorry to hear about Susie Hope passing so soon after losing your Mum. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really overwhelmed.
I think you could really do with some support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to talk about how you’re feeling here. There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
The Samaritans are always there 24/7 if you need to talk about anything that’s bothering you (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org).
Cruse Bereavement also offers a helpline, email support, and counselling and support groups through their local services: 0808 808 1677, helpline@cruse.org.uk, http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services

You deserve care and support so please, Tray, get in touch with one of these services.
If you are at risk of harming yourself, please call 999, go to A&E or contact your GP for an emergency
appointment immediately.

Take care
Mick
Online Community team

Thank you…I have seen dr etc but the waiting lists for such help is 18 months plus! …they medical team agree need extra help but there is such a long waiting list/s xxx

Tray, am so sorry, your post is so very sad. If you can’t get any other help please think about talking to someone at The Samaritans. They are there 24 hours a day and will listen for however long you need them to. You will find a kind, caring voice on the phone and they do have drop in centres where you could speak to someone face to face. Please keep posting on here, no-one can take away your grief but it might help you to not feel so alone. XX

Tray I’m very sorry for your terrible losses. I agree speaking to Samaritans and post on here. Have you thought of doing any volunteer work at a local animal shelter. Just to help you and also you would be helping out lots of little furry friends too.

Thank you…I have done this things but vicious circle as they all say that I need specialist help for the complex ptsd and loss if mum.and now my beautiful special susie Hope saviour therapist in fur she was only 3! …they say they are not qualified enough I need the specialist help but I say same thing such long waiting lists…and because talking to someone it can then open up raw wounds and before I had my therapist in fur for comfort and safety now I dont have her so I have no safety net…my medical team all say need the extra help and I try but just get hit with waiting list after waiting list… …I dont have any family support…my beautiful dog was my support. My everything…I see no future…just pain…and I’m exhausted already.the loss of my dog my best friend. Comfort blanket. Life jacket .soul mate is just too much…she was such a beautiful gentle loving dog.my little bear I called her… like forest Gump I’d say we are like peas and Carrots…that only makes sense if watched forest Gump…we where one susie Hope and me…now I have nothing…its agony lying here alone where susie Hope would be then waking up alone when every morning I’d see her beautiful special fur face 1st thing…I loved her so much.it hurts like hell …I just cry…sobbing…so alone…I dont want material things just a hug …susie Hope was the only living soul that loved me.now it’s just me.nobody loves me in this world. Nobody…I dont want a pity party but it does really hurt xxxx

I suffer really bad ptsd panic attacks and since loss of my beautiful special susie Hope saviour therapist in fur I’ve not been able to leave the house at all apart from twice when cpn took me to medical apts…I never went anywhere without my dog and now I cant even go out such anxiety…susie Hope really was a life saver and therapist in fur…so I need desperate help but again waiting lists…thank you for your post.means alot xxx

Dear Tray,
I am so sorry that you have been doubly bereaved, when we lost our Springer Spaniel, Meg, within 9 days we obtained our beautiful Polly. I just couldn’t stand being without a dog for company, nearly 5 months ago I found my beloved husband dead on our bedroom floor. He hadn’t been well for some time but I never expected him to die, I miss him so much, he was a gentle caring soul, we had been married for nearly 59 years, I am so glad that I have Polly, she gives me a reason to get up in the mornings. Polly was always Stan’s dog, but since he passed away, she is my dog and does not allow me to move without her. It is too early to give advice, but have you thought about having another pet? We were amazed how we took to another, it is worth thinking about.
You are among kind, compassionate friends here, please keep in touch,
Blessings,
MaryL x

Oh my goodness Tray. Your picture had me in tears because I know how much a dog can mean to a person. I used to read your posts about your lovely Susie Hope and I was glad you had a companion. To anyone who has not had a pet it may seem too much to grieve over their passing, but it hits where it hurts most, in the heart. My wife and I had Boxer dogs and when they died we were heart broken.
Everything is not a mess Tray. It’s life and what it can throw at us. But to you at this moment nothing will seem to give any peace. Your pain is very much there and can be almost unbearable at times. The help and advice given above can help a little. We all know and care. It’s in no way awful to feel as you do. Never think you are a burden to anyone here, Never!! You have to take help from wherever you can. I do know about waiting lists and it can be so frustrating.
We may only be able to talk to you by posts, but believe me you have support and friends here that send you love and understanding. What can we say. What can anyone say that will give you relief from the pain. You sure have touched my heart, and I send you love and my prayers and Blessings. Talk to someone. Is there no one, a close friend or some form of help? Talking things out can help a lot. Try not to fall into the pit of despair. We all totter on the edge of that hole.
Love and a hug and take care. Bless you.

My dear Tray, you know I have replied to you many times and I do so feel for you now that you have lost Susie-Hope and believe me I know how you feel. Today i was thinking about you and imagined what it would do to me if I lost my furry therapists, I would be devastated. Perhaps people that have never owned a dog will not understand what the loss of a dogs can do to you. They are family and we love them to bits. Dogs do so much for mankind.
Your Susie-Hope was a very special dog. Have you heard it said that ‘Dogs are Gods Angels sent to us to teach us how to love’ and I feel sure that your beloved Susie-Hope was one of those Angels and might be helping someone else just as she helped you. Why she was taken from you at such a young age, I have no idea, non of us know why our loved ones are taken, we ask this question every day.
As advised please try to find some comfort in having known her and try to give some help to other dogs that need your love. Find local rescue centres and see if you can volunteer or try to find another dog needing the sort of love that you can offer. It won’t replace Susie Hope but it will give you something to love and who will love you. Please Tray get yourself out and make that effort to find another dog to love.
We all care so please don’t think you are unloved.
PAt xxxx

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I think Pattidot is right, maybe if you start looking for another dog it might give you something to focus on. Maybe a stray that needs a loving home that I know you will provide from reading your post. I know the waiting list is long for a therapist but make sure you get on list or even try to find a support group. My heart goes out to you,. Since my husband passed away my Buster has kept me and my 2 boys going. Take care Tray and let us all know how you get on. Big hugs.

Dear maryL …I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your husband…and how you had to find him …( please excuse grammar and spelling errors I’m badly dyslexic!) My heart goes out to you…I’m so glad you have you lovely dog polly! I know gives meaning to your days and nights…its amazing the love and comfort you get… susie Hope saviour my dog…I feel it too soon I’m too ill…since losing susie Hope saviour I cant even go out I’ve become agoraphobia…my ptsd really high …its really made me bad…I’m struggling so much …I’m so low…thank you for reply and love to yourself and beautiful dog polly xxxx

Hi Sally
Thank you for reaching out…in other posts ive put cant face another dog …i have become agrophobic since losing susie Hope saviour…and just feel so low… name is on the waiting list but when so bad I’ll it’s such a long wait! …i just cry and feel this agony contestant… cant bare it much more…its hell…and with susie Hope saviour being only 3 and so sudden it has the added this g of can lose life anytime…I’m just a anxious mess…feel such a failure…love to you. Hugs xxxx

Hi Johnathan 123
Thank you for your reply…means alot…as see maybe in other posts I’m really struggling…and have tried post before back to you but been having problems with new site…I know as you say about your boxer dogs the heartbreak…this pain is getting worse not better I’m getting lower n lower…its like I’ve lost mum all over again as susie Hope was named after mum and I felt mum lived on in honour in susie Hope and to find susie Hope the way I did its haunting me I already have PTSD twice am I getting it 3rd time?? …I’m so lonely and scared so scared…agrophobic since lost susie Hope as we went everything together!!.. so many days I see or hear from no one at all …susie Hope was my soul mate I loved her so much it hurts like hell…I dont feel I can carry on much longer…I dont want a pity party but now I’ve lost susie Hope saviour no one of this world loves me.no one.i had susie Hope and she had me…cant stop crying…so so low pain gonna kill me I’m sure…love sent to you…thank you x

Hi pattison
Have tried reply b4 but not sure if it sent…I truly feel susie Hope saviour was my angel but should still be with me…only 3! It haunts me how I found her dead at around 4am ish I screamed and screamed and screamed…fell to the floor crying and screaming…I now agrophobic cant go out …not been out months…could only go out with susie Hope saviour by my side…now just exist…exist in pain that gets worse every day…I have no reason carry on …I feel I cant hate this much longer as u know susie Hope really was my saviour!! I cant get another dog I’m too ill cant even go out …and I just cant face being near another dog too painful as just want susie Hope…I feel I’m just a burden to society such a failure …now no susie Hope saviour I have nothing she was my reason …love to you and your wonderful dogs xxxxxx

My dear Tray I wish there was something more I could say and do to help you. I do know how you feel, when I lost my last dog I couldn’t even cross the local recreation ground to walk to town because there would be dog walkers there and I couldn’t cope with seeing people with their dogs. I said I would have no more dogs and I had been a dog owner since a child, sometimes owning as many as four at a time. However one day I came across a photo of my Beepa in a dog pound and possibly waiting to die. I felt the pull to go to her and the rest is history. Within half an hour of meeting her I was on my way home with her and couldn’t have a more loving and loyal friend. It is possible to love another dog as they give so much love in return. Another dog would help you to go out, give you a reason to go on and have something to love and give love back to you. Please consider opening your heart and help other dog(s) that is in need of loving. There are also now organisations that actually train dogs to be companions. My thoughts are with you.
Pat xxx

Tray. I feel your pain, we all do. Please get some help. Have you seen your GP since your dog died? Waiting lists are a real problem. It’s urgent with you and your GP should be pushing for you. Pain won’t kill you but it can make life so very miserable.
PTSD is common in bereavement. After all it is a major trauma in life and is difficult to bear. Now what I am going to say is very difficult because of your pain. But try and stop struggling. I know, I know, very difficult. The more you struggle to try and lose the symptoms the worse it gets.
You are so right. A ‘pity party’ is of no use whatsoever.
No one loves you is not true. Whatever virtual love means then I am sure you get it all here. My prayers and love are with you. Bless you. I doubt anyone can fully enter into your pain at the moment, and to try and ‘jolly you along’ would be cruel. It will take time, oh yes. ANY loss, a close relative, a dog or cat even a canary can raise emotions we never thought we had.
Now no doubt someone will say that I’m comparing a human with a canary. Yes I am! Because deep love, even for a bird, can be so powerful. Love is love whichever way we look at it, and so is loss.
Try, Please try and push for help. ‘Going it alone’ is not an option.
As far as medication is concerned it is a personal choice. My attitude is that in the short term it can help a lot. It doesn’t cure anxiety but it takes the edge off and allows you to think more clearly.
Take care. Ty not to neglect yourself. Very important.
Blessings and a hug XX

Tray
I have suffered both those things you have and send you hugs and wish for your peace of mind. I know nothing anyone says really helps but you are not alone in these both are now togetherxx

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