alone at night/evening with sad thoughts about the death of my husband usband

I often sit in the evenings having thoughts about things that makes me so sad. and wondered if others have sad thoughts too.
Tonight I got very tearful. My husband died a few weeks ago and I visited him on the Saturday morning in hospital by the early hours on Sunday night he had died.
I knew he was having real trouble breathing when I left him but had no idea that would be the last time I would see him. My Mike was such a very kind man and we had been married for 42 years. He was taken to intensive care during the Saturday and he told the nurses not to contact me as he didn’t want me to worry. The nurses phoned me in the early hours of Sunday but I missed Mike by about 5 minutes. The nurses said he spoke about me whilst he had the oxygen helmet on right up to the end. They said he was a pleasure to nurseand never moaned once. He just didn’t want to worry me but I would have wanted to be with him when he passed and to tell him how much I did love him. I miss Mike so very much and not a dat has gone by when I havent thought of him and had a tear. I want to be with him. I have no family but good friends but still feel so lonely all the time and miss Mike like crazy. I wish I could get the thoughts of his last few hours out of my head. I wonder if I will ever get the thoughts out of my head and move on.

Hi I am in a similar situation as yourself my wife Jane passed away last November she had breathing difficulties at home late at night an ambulance was called and it got here within 2-3 minutes they got her to the ambulance and asked if I was going with her I said I would follow in our car thinking it was the asthma she had had for a few years and she would be admitted hospital 10 miles from home,sadly I arrived 2-3 minutes late.
I think mine is guilt at not being there those last few minutes to hold her hand and help her through those minutes just to console her as she had done me over the 43 years of marriage.I visited her many times in hospital especially the last 4 years when she found she had Kidney disease it made me cry to see her looking so old not the 23 year old I married all those years ago which she still looked at times I can hear her words saying don’t cry I’m alright just to have heard her say those words in her final minutes would it have helped?? I don’t think so to be there to comfort her yes.
I do not know if my situation is any comfort to you the last 7 months have been sheer hell my heart is screaming out now because I miss her so much,all I can do is hold on to the memories of the good times and wish the same for you.
. MM69

Dear Sue

It is the mornings I find difficult - I think I have worn myself out by the time the evening gets here. I was not with Gary - and I feel so guilty for that - and like everyone on here I keep thinking about how I wish things were different and I could have told him how much I love him. The children said he knew and I know that really but I just want to tell him. I think that it is a normal part of everyone’s grief. We just miss them so much and it hurts.

Take care

Trisha xx

When someone our partner has always been in our life, we have seen them everyday and always took this for granted that this will always be the way then…out of the blue we are now faced with a separation, a separation we was not expecting, it is truly hard coming to terms with this…Te reality that this time he ( my Richard ) has not just gone shopping, or is not out dog walking, or is not at his COPD-Diabetes exercise class and in a few hours will be walking in our back door loaded with his supermarket bags of shopping…I am never going to see this anymore, it is so hard facing up to our now reality…I so took all these for granted, these happened on various days of the week…Our whole world has been totally turned upside down, almost overnight, or morning-mid day when my Richard suddenly a home in his armchair stopped breathing in-between taking the ( his ) dog to the pet groomer and due to go back to collect him by car, a 40-60 minute two way drive…


I also feel the sadness of not being there and able to say I love you to Simon. He was in hospital with fluid on his lungs and kidney disease. He had been in hospital a couple times before and always came home. I visited him on the Friday and they had drained the fluid. He was sat in a chair eating a yogurt. I kissed him and said see you tomorrow. They rang me at 6.30 in the morning and said he had taken a turn for the worse. He had passed away by the time we got there. His dad and brother was with me. The worst day of my life. That was seven months ago. I have been very lucky to have the support of Simons family all the way through, even though they were grieving too. His dad still comes to see me to make sure I’m alright every week. He also planted a rose in my garden. They saw me as a daughter in the 30 years we were together. I’m horrified at the stories I have been reading about their partners family’s and how they have behaved. Why do people have to be so horrible. I am sorry about everyone’ loss on this forum and reading the posts are so very helpful to me.
Janet xx

…as lovely as your father-law is, it just doesn’t seem right does it, that your hubby being the younger of the generation is the one who went first, it is not the way it is meant to be…Us older generations are meant to see our our days out first but it often doesn’t work out in life this way, does it? I would not want, nor expect my daughter to go before me…



Thank you so much for your message and so nice to hear that you are holding on to the good times you had with your wife.
I wish I could hold on to the good times but all I can think about is the last few hours on that Saturday when I left my Mike in hospital when I should have stayed with him.
I really hate this life on my own and just hope I can live with this situation.
Take care my friend x

I know Jackie. He also lost his wife three years ago and his daughter aged 16, who was Simon’s twin sister. He just asked me why, what have I done to deserve this. He has a son and of course me to make sure he is ok.
Janet x