This is my first posting on this site. I have found reading all your stories so comforting. My husband died nearly 9 months ago after a long battle with cancer. We were together for 35 years. I am functioning well on the outside. Seeing a few friends, volunteering, pilates classes and walking, but i am struggling on the inside. I feel so alone in the world and that i’m just going through the motions of life, rather than living and enjoying it. Also, I don’t have family nearby, although they do their best to keep in touch. Is it normal to feel so lost and sad even after 9 months have passed since my husband’s death? I’ve wondered about taking anti-depressants but not sure they are the answer.


HI Danielle, 9 months in for me and I can empathize with how you feel. It’s a hard battle to fight on your own so it’s good that you’ve found this place and the strength to reach out because there’s so much understanding on here. I’m not really sure of your situation but I have felt very much as you describe but for me it ebbs and flows. At 4 months I was feeling relatively ok then I guess the shock must have worn off (who knew shock could last for 4 months) and once again I was gone. It’s taken a good few weeks to move back to feeling stable again, and I have no idea if it will last. For me that’s one of the hardest parts of all this, no longer knowing yourself, trusting your insight, It can be exhausting and frustrating but bit by bit we put ourselves back together. It seems that you’re having a hard time of late, and perhaps if your feel its right for you you should talk to your GP about how they might be able to help. this could be counseling or therapy or as you say anti depressants, but if you think you need the help then I would ask. It might be that if you keep looking around on here and reading and posting that you get the connection that you are looking for. We’re all here to talk and listen.

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@Danielle2 sorry for your loss. I hope you find comfort & understanding on this forum. I have found it has helped me a lot. I’m only 17 weeks on this journey and also lost my husband after he battled cancer. Take care.

What you write is very normal in this road of grief.
I could be in a room with 100 people and feel alone. I can be laughing with friends and still feel the pangs of my loss. It’s hard to do this with family and friends on hand, to do this alone is unthinkable.
I hope being here can offer you some support, there’s always someone around to help. If you feel you need additional help, only you will know.
I was on anti-depressants many years ago and had to chop and change until I found the right one for me. Some side effects can be just as bad as the depression. Didn’t need them for long but they helped me through a bad patch.

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It is so hard knowing whether antidepressants will make the situation any easier. I mean, we’re sad because we’ve lost the person that meant the world to us. No tablet is going to make us joyous again, when we’ve lost our dearest. I guess they may take the edge off if you feel desperately in need. I had a/ds in the past (not for grief) but they never really agreed with me. Sometimes, also, if you don’t get the right one, you can feel worse. Sorry! For me, I try my hardest to push one day at a time, however hard that is. Hugs. xx