Today 16 January 2024 - was the day we had a cremation for my mum, where you would expect family would pull together for mums sake. I was sat at the back of the crematorium whilst my siblings and mum’s friends took all the front seating. No where for me to sit. Not one person acknowledged my being there if it wasn’t for my kids I would have walked out. I had to say my goodbyes without any of my family acknowledging me.
The reason for posting this is if anyone else feels like this or has been through this I’m here for a chat. Being the black sheep of the family makes you more independent and stronger to face these things alone​:heart::broken_heart:


I’m really sorry that you didn’t get the support you needed at your mum’s cremation, @Janlou69. You deserve care and support :blue_heart:

I’m giving this a little bump for you - hopefully someone will be along to chat.

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I haven’t been through what you experienced at your Mums funeral but so glad you went even though family members ignored you, my view is that there is there problem not yours, and yes it makes you stronger, since I lost my son in March 2023 I have lost my best friend…my doing as she was so negative and always moaning and I’m strong enough to walk away from that type of friendship. Be strong for yourself as it’s such early days for you.

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I am so sorry for your loss.
A little different, but my Dad passed away late last year and I am devastated beyond.
I have cut ties with my Mum and brother, as they are both toxic and negative.
My Dad brought me up single handedly and was given custody of me and my brother.
My mother and brother have been very cruel throughout my life, they are carbon copy of each other, but I thought, by doing the dutiful thing, staying in touch abd playing the role, was the right thing.
Since my Dad passed though, It has made me evaluate my entire life and wanting to get rid of negatives, which means the mother and brother. They speak bad of me and find fault with everything I did anyway, so what is the point trying. Dad always said its jealousy. It was always me and Dad and now, it’s just me.
I am the black sheep.

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I lost my Dad in December 2021, not only was he my Dad he was best friend and I could tell him anything. I miss him so much but he made me strong minded just like he was. He would be devastated that I’m going through hell with the loss of my son through drugs, but he would say stay strong which I try and do but it doesn’t always work. It’s good to get rid of negative people in your life and sometimes it takes something like a bereavement to make you analyse who you want in your life.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your Dad and your son, hopefully they will be together now and watching over you and helping you through life. Yes negative people make us stronger I absolutely believe that.

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I believe they are together along with my Mum. I talk to them every day. Yep like you I don’t need negativity in my life, and would rather have no friends than a negative one. To be honest since I have cut her out of my life I do feel a bit better, i didn’t realise how mentally wearing she was. It was only when I lost my stepson in November, 8 months after my son I realised I didn’t need her in my life. She had listened to so much gossip and believed it even when I told her what she had heard wasn’t right. I told her she was wrong and her words were …well that is what I heard. She can do one as far as I’m concerned. She wanted to come up to us when my partners son passed away, he didn’t want her in our house as he said all she wanted to see what happened. We are waiting for another inquest.
Take care and be kind to yourself x

I get that, I can empathise.
A friend of mine, who actually isn’t and clearly wasn’t, dropped me by letter, after saying she has problems as well, (money problems) as if that can be compared to a loved one dying! And in my case, My Dad! She also said, she was not impressed with me, not wanting to try and celebrate Christmas Day at hers. I initially said I would go, but I then said, I didn’t want to try and pretend to celebrate!!
Like you, I would rather have no one than negative.

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My sister’s are the same, I have cut ties with them. Mum always told me to ignore them. One of my sister’s is still dragging my name through the mud even though I have done nothing to warrant that.
I was mums oldest and rang her everyday after work, facetime her on my way home when she was in hospital.
I went away which had been booked for a year and because mum was in hospital at the time I was the devil incarnate because I didn’t cancel it ruined my holiday completely. Mum told me at the time she would have hated me to cancel it.

So I have cut ties with them since the funeral even though they never even acknowledged I was there.